This weekend has been awful I’ve not been well but my husband has seemed more forgetful I feel like screaming life is so different We have been out in the garden but my husband needs me to watch him continually as he gets so muddled I feel exhausted with it all and know it’s only going to get worse I’m struggling with the loss of my wonderful husband & best friend How can we still have joy in our lives I know it’s because I’m not feeling well but I’m finding things so hard and feel completely lost Just glad to have this forum to have a rant
Can’t cope
- Thread starter Bevhar
- Start date
Hi Bevhar yes it’s when we are under the weather that our partner’s behaviour, needs and lack of empathy really stand out. I realise when I am ill just how much I do to keep the show on the road. Do look after yourself and get some help if you can ❤️
Hi Bevhar, it is so difficult to stay strong when we feel under the weather ourselves. It’s hard enough when we are well & in a calm mood. If you are tired things seem to get worse too. Some days I just go into the garden and roar like a lion. Makes me feel better but goodness knows what the neighbours think 😂. I hope you feel better soon.
Hi @Bevhar - I’m sorry that you have had a tough weekend and not felt well.
It is understandable that you have felt the strain. The changes are difficult at the best of times but not only is it harder to cope and tolerate if you’re unwell but it is also not having them there to look after us as they once would have.
If I could make you a cuppa, I would.
I hope you feel better soon and so good to be able to come here to share isn’t it. Sending a big virtual hug to you 🤗 x
I have days like this. It’s hard to lose a friend and partner. I really don’t recognise my husband any more & I miss him.
However I just try to get through the tough days, especially when I’m feeling ill, and try my best to be kind to myself. Then there are not so bad days when I do feel joy again & refill my cup for when the bad days come.
Sending sumpathy & virtual hugs.
I feel for you so much. I miss my husband and dont like this person I have now got to live with. We have now got a gardener as I couldnt cope with it/him any longer.
I could sit and cry after a day out spoilt by this man.
I feel envious of the people on this site who still feel love and affection for their spouse.
I could sit and cry after a day out spoilt by this man.
I feel envious of the people on this site who still feel love and affection for their spouse.
It's no fun when our support cracks up and we end up being the supporter even when we are out of sorts ourselves. I hope you feel better soon. Get some help if you can and try to find things to do to make you feel better, if you have the time. I have almost had to nag hubby for help and he never finishes a task. I have to check up on what he does so often that it is probably easier to have done it myself. I had a Covid jab on Friday and am suffering with fatigue.
Best wishes.
I have a gardener now too from AgeUK. She is so helpful.
I know what you mean. It isn't easy and not helped by the fact that our marriage wasn't great before the Vascular Dementia happened. The future is daunting.
All the best.
Hi there it’s so hard isn’t it when the person you have lived with for years suddenly turns into a different person someone we don’t recognise but we are still living as husband and wife and the expectation now is for us to do everything instead of sharing as we used to I’m finding it hard to keep on top of the garden it’s far too big for us now OH will come out and tell me what to do but then he goes back in and watches tv sometimes you just have to remove yourself from the situation find another room until you have had a chance to calm down nothing is going to change it’s just going to get harder as this journey goes on I sometimes wonder what it would be like if this disease hadn’t descended on us I wish I could turn the clock back 😢😢 sending virtual hugs to you
Ahh thanks so much Yes I miss my thoughtful husband I know it’s not his fault But just a tough weekend hoping I will feel better tomorrow Hope your all good It’s good that your husband accepting something maybe wrong & that you’ve got the scan soon virtual hug back to you xx
i still want us to have joy together he’s the love of my life
I have always been a homebody though I did work before I retired I don’t have hobbies & my family have always been my life This is so hard as we will be married 45 years in August and I’m losing my husband daily
Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been coping with my husbands Vascular Dementia, but I caught a flu virus with sinusitis a few weeks ago and it was awful. Despite feeling like hell, I still had to arrange food for him etc, when all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep. I did lie on the bed some afternoons to ease the pounding headache and he would come up and ask me when I was coming downstairs. Just leave me alone! Having no one to even make you a cuppa is hard when you’re poorly. It made me resent him and all the stupid things he does and I got very bad tempered with him and we ended up shouting at each other. I cried a lot.
Now I’ve recovered I don’t feel so angry anymore, but I’m dreading the next time I feel unwell. I have severe osteoarthritis and am disabled myself and I sometimes wish this person who has invaded my husband‘s body woukd just go away. He was my rock and I was his, but I’m crumbling under the pressure of it all. 💗
Now I’ve recovered I don’t feel so angry anymore, but I’m dreading the next time I feel unwell. I have severe osteoarthritis and am disabled myself and I sometimes wish this person who has invaded my husband‘s body woukd just go away. He was my rock and I was his, but I’m crumbling under the pressure of it all. 💗
Yes @Bevhar the biggest change in life as a carer for a PWD, in my humble opinion , is that I can no longer talk with, debate with, argue with, ask opinions of my OH. It becomes living alone and apart together.
Yes, you miss the person you've lost - this called anticipatory grief. Some years ago I took some sessions I was offered with a counsellor through the Local Authority Adult Social Services team. It didn't clear everything but did help me get to "acceptance" of the situation, the fact that my life virtually ceased, and my life became the life of my OH. V difficult. Hence this little rant.
I found myself listing all the things I missed, like going out together for a meal, or to friends, or to the theatre or concerts. No holidays. No sharing of information, interests, feelings, etc.
Then worse still, the realisation that there is no help for carers.
Sorry if all that is a bit of a downer, but I believe in being straight and saying it as it is. We all wish it wasn't so, but it is as it is, warts and all, or rather toileting problems and all.
My OH can no longer say more than a few words together, as she then goes into just sounds and incoherent talking, she can't handle cutlery through lack of co-ordination and I have to feed her food and drink.
What a life - and that's both of us. In addition the children have lost their wonderful mum, the grandchildren have lost their wonderful grandma, etc, etc.
Best wishes and a virtual hug @Bevhar
