Hi. I'm full time carer for my 95 year old mother. She has taken to sleeping in the chair at night and most nights calls out, even when in bed. She often calls out more than once. Last night she wanted food at 2am. She doesn't seem to remember that she's had anything to eat. How can I get her to go to bed and not call out? I need a decent night's sleep. Thank you.
Calling out in the night
- Thread starter TessB
- Start date
Welcome @TessB
I doubt you can do anything to stop your mother from disturbing you in the night because she may have lost all sense of time, even if it`s dark.
She may feel safer in a chair, it`s not really possible to understand why.
All I can suggest is you leave a snack on a small table beside her chair—something she will see if she wakes.
I doubt you can do anything to stop your mother from disturbing you in the night because she may have lost all sense of time, even if it`s dark.
She may feel safer in a chair, it`s not really possible to understand why.
All I can suggest is you leave a snack on a small table beside her chair—something she will see if she wakes.
There's probably not much you can do when/if their sense of day/night/time goes.
Before mum went into her care home I had to stay with her for a while to keep her safe. She would wake me up at all times of night - e.g coming into to wake me, in the pitch black (never turned a light on while wandering about! And the dark was no clue to her), to ask when the carers were coming to shower her because they hadn't been yet. I said mum it's 3 o'clock, the middle of the night, you need to go back to bed. Her response was - it can't be because I've just woken up!
Look after yourself. It's exhausting.
Before mum went into her care home I had to stay with her for a while to keep her safe. She would wake me up at all times of night - e.g coming into to wake me, in the pitch black (never turned a light on while wandering about! And the dark was no clue to her), to ask when the carers were coming to shower her because they hadn't been yet. I said mum it's 3 o'clock, the middle of the night, you need to go back to bed. Her response was - it can't be because I've just woken up!
Look after yourself. It's exhausting.
Thanks for your reply, Grannie G. Mum's sense of time is very erratic. There is a 'dementia clock' in the same room but mum will ask me the time and then sometimes state that it must be wrong. I've tried to understand why she won't use her bed, if she says the bedroom is too cold, I've put a heater in there, but it doesn't make any difference. Sometimes I think she just can't be bothered to get out of her chair. She hardly gets up from it which then, of course, makes it harder for her to get up and walk. I have left her with some biscuits tonight, just in case. She has cataracts so hope she will see them. I always put a night light on for her but tonight mum has decided she wants the main light on. Hoping that doesn't keep her awake.
Thanks for your reply, yoy. It's good to know that other people have had this issue and got through it. It is exhausting. My mum will do a similar thing. I say what time it is and mum doesn't believe me as she says she has only just arrived. I worry that mum will move around at night. Her mobility is not good and she uses a Zimmer frame. Her mobility is made worse by her staying in the chair all day and all night. Fingers crossed I can get some sleep tonight
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Mum has had a dementia clock for a while. I remember the doc from the memory clinic doing her assessment and asking her what date it was today and mum taking a sneaky look at it 😆. She still has the clock in her room but doesn't even look at it now, she's got a "time" in her head and that's it!
Mum didn't call out last night so I was able to get a better night's sleep. And tonight she has chosen to get into bed! Interestingly she asked me why she was frightened to sleep in her bed, had someone died in it. Well dad died in it 7 years ago. Not sure why mum would suddenly be frightened of sleeping in the bed though, when she's been sleeping in it until fairly recently. It was a happy marriage but dad did die suddenly and I'm not sure mum has ever processed it. Nearly 3 years after dad died, mum suddenly asked about dad and asked where he was.
Thanks, @sdmhred: Mum did call out around 3am but apologised when I told her what time it was. I think she assumed that, as she had just woken up, it must be time to get up herself. The other thing I wondered is whether mum is thinking back to her career on the stage in her 20s and early 30s. She travelled around the country staying in different places and she has often told me of one place where she was glad she'd locked the door as the landlord rattled the handle in the night. Perhaps mum is thinking her bedroom is just different accommodation because, of course, she can't remember it. Sometimes she talks as though completely unaware she has a bedroom.
Tonight mum said she would stay in her chair a little longer but around 11.30pm was calling out. When I appeared, she said she hadn't meant to disturb me, she thought someone was going to come out of something or somewhere. She said she was frightened. I told her she didn't need to be frightened and she said she knew that but was still frightened. Mum had delirium last October when she kept telling people something horrible was happening and to call the police. Even this year, without delirium, I was shaken one morning to find that mum had written on some paper 'help please, police' and put the paper on the window sill so that anyone going past could read it. Could it be the dementia causing mum to be frightened, rather than any specific event?
Yes, both my MIL and my mum did this. Usually it is caused by their internal clock being broken, so they assume that as they have been asleep and they have woken up it must be morning - irrespective of any other cues like light/darkness
I think this is extremely likely. Most people with dementia do not understand their dementia and look for other reasons outside of themselves to explain their problems.
I agree with contacting her doctor to see if anti-anxiety meds might help
Thank you, SeaSwallow. Mum has recently started on Memantine, to help with sundowning, I think. Would that help with anxiety?
Update is that GP saw mum today and mum has an element of heart failure, fluid retention and possible infection. The coughing and spitting up clear fluid is all part of it. GP has prescribed antibiotics and water tablets so hopefully these will help and mum will feel better.
Crikey, quite a few similarities with my own mother.
She's also 95 although she lives alone in her own house.
She sleeps late in the morning and then is ready to have a nap about 2 hrs after she woke up!
After a prolonged hospital stay due to a fall I employed the use of private carers as I had lost confidence for her to be safe alone.
Over the last two months she has developed a fear of falling out of bed and she has actually done exactly that about 4 times.
I have since made some adjustments which I hope will work.
Mum has a habit of going to the loo multiple times a night but the latest carer said she was pottering about in the early hours too.
Due to the cost of private care I had to remove her daytime care package but this resulted in mum being very disorienated after waking (either from her night's sleep or afternoon nap) and I have had neighbours ringing me several times telling me that she's knocking at the window for help or at the front door (which is locked for her safety)
She was on memantine very briefly but the nurse withdrew it from her due to concerns over mum's BP so consequently she's not on any medication at all now
@TessB Such a difficult time for you. I hope the antibiotics are helping, as infections have such a big impact on people with dementia too .
It is interesting how similar your experience is to others, and my Mum was just the same when still at home. She lost the ability to understand day/ night, even with cues and a dementia clock. She would always say the clock was wrong. I tired a warm drink in a thermos cup, and a snack by her bed like you, which helped a little. She also became very scared of people in the house and garden, eventually becoming more extreme with people trying to harm her, frogs on the carpet and a dog in the washing machine - not sure if these were visual hallucinations too. It is exhausting and the point that we had to look to care home, and even night carers won't deal with this. I would definitely also ask the Dr about meds for anxiety. My Mum's GP prescribed antidepressants which surprised me but apparently they can work well for anxiety in dementia- they definitely helped Mum for quite a few months. I have learned a lot from the way the specialist dementia care home handle these things. They don't try to put her back to bed but have the lights on in the lounge, warm blankets, and a special "night owl" menu of hot chocolate, horlicks, crumpets, toast, porridge - and then gently guide her back. I've witnessed this recently, while sitting with my Dad on end of life care, and it helps her settle quickly. I know you can't possibly do that at home, but it helped give me peace of mind that the care home decision was right - as I know how hard that is. Wishing you all the best caring for your Mum x
That's interesting about the Memantine as the doctor has told me not to give it to mum for now as there can be a connection between that and mum's symptoms. Not sure what the connection is as the doctor didn't say but she is phoning tomorrow so maybe I will find out then.Crikey, quite a few similarities with my own mother.
She's also 95 although she lives alone in her own house.
She sleeps late in the morning and then is ready to have a nap about 2 hrs after she woke up!
After a prolonged hospital stay due to a fall I employed the use of private carers as I had lost confidence for her to be safe alone.
Over the last two months she has developed a fear of falling out of bed and she has actually done exactly that about 4 times.
I have since made some adjustments which I hope will work.
Mum has a habit of going to the loo multiple times a night but the latest carer said she was pottering about in the early hours too.
Due to the cost of private care I had to remove her daytime care package but this resulted in mum being very disorienated after waking (either from her night's sleep or afternoon nap) and I have had neighbours ringing me several times telling me that she's knocking at the window for help or at the front door (which is locked for her safety)
She was on memantine very briefly but the nurse withdrew it from her due to concerns over mum's BP so consequently she's not on any medication at all now
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