Being honest and feeling such guilt

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by kayjan, Nov 25, 2007.

  1. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Margaret, Just to wish you very good luck for tomorrow.
    Take care
  2. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    My very best wishes for tomorrow
    With love Barb & Rn X
  3. BettyL

    BettyL Registered User

    Jan 20, 2008
    Every good wish for tomorrow. You are doing a fab job.

    Betty xx
  4. burfordthecat

    burfordthecat Registered User

    Jan 9, 2008
    Hope that it all goes well for you tomorrow. I will be thinking of you both.

    Love Burf x x
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006

    Just wondering how you got on today :) ?
  6. margaret savage

    margaret savage Registered User

    Mar 20, 2008
    Hello all, abd rhank you for the wonderful support as usual. I am afraid we were disappointed as theappointment the doctor phoned us for was really more to do with mum's physical problems and not much else. She did however say she would put in another urgent request for the assesment team to contact us asap and we hope this will happen soon.
    Poor old mum is now very anaemic and has to be seen at the hospital about a possible colonoscopy to see if she has another polyp as she had ab08t 4 years ago.
    We are ever hopeful that we can find a happy solution in the end and your good wishes help enormously.
    Hope you are all having as good a day as possible in the circumstances and I will certainly let you know if we hear anymore news.
    Bye and God Bless,
    Margaret xxx
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006

    It does seem to work that way , see to they physical problems I St as that may contribute to the
    worsening of they mental health, its good really that she getting the right help . wishing your mother all the best xx
  8. margaret savage

    margaret savage Registered User

    Mar 20, 2008
    Thanks Margarita, your words are very wise as usual.
    Bye for now,
  9. bated01

    bated01 Registered User

    Apr 4, 2008
    Coventry, England
    That's what the site is for

    It's good that you can write openly on here, and i understand your situation. It is my nan that is suffering from AD and it is extremely difficult for the family as well as the persOn with the disease.

    It is good that you have a network of people to support you while you are supporting your mum. Take advantage of as much help as you are given, if necessary your local PCT or council may be able to provide care during the night so that she doesn't feel so alone and would stop you worring when you are not there.

    When the time comes i will be taking as much help as i can get. My Nan's only child (my dad) died in 2006 so myself my brother and my mum are the only family that she has left, apart form my Grandad who she lives with and he is in very poor health himself.

    Can i ask you a question- did your mum go with you to the doctors voluntarily- i ask because my Nan is refusing to see anyone about it, she wont go to the doctors even if i take her and without seeing a doctor we cannot get nay help for her?

    Many thanks for listening
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello Debbie.

    You can go to the doctor`s for your Nan. Keep a diary for a couple of weeks and make a note of all the behaviours which cause you concern. Keep a record of times and dates so the GP will understand the frequency.

    Make an appointment to see her GP. Even if the GP will not dicuss your Nan with you, s/he will listen. There might be a way to get your Nan to the surgery, for a check up or some other pretext or the GP might agree to a home visit.

    I know it sounds underhand, but this is what I had to do for my husband. The GP took note and asked my husband to make an appointment for a diabetic check.

    Please let us know how you get on.

    Take care xx
  11. margaret savage

    margaret savage Registered User

    Mar 20, 2008
    Hi Debbie,
    You sound like a very close and loving family and your dad would be proud to see how you are pulling together to help your Nan and Grandad too. You do right to accept all the help you can as it leaaves you more time to be family and not carers. I have been told that once mum is under proper care either in a home or with home care then we can go back to being fmily again and enjoy our time with mum.
    With regard to the doctors, we told mum she had to go for an appointment for help with her memory, which she seemed to accept, although we have never told her she is suffering with dementia or Alzheimers as we cannot bring ourselves to take the chance of a bad reaction. However when we got to the doctors mum told her that her memory was fine and I had to gently contracdict that - mum's face fell and she was pretty annoyed with me. We have a date of 14th April for her assesment which should be aout 2 hours. The letter also said that we would have a second session about 8 weeks later.This horrified us as we feel we may not be able to carry on as we are doing for that long.
    Anyway, good luck with your nan and hope to speak to you again,
  12. Connolly

    Connolly Registered User

    Apr 11, 2008
    Should I interfere?

    Hello, I am new to this forum and am looking for some advice with concern for my mum. Bruicie quote of causing the person more confusion really rings out to me. There has been a gradual decline in memory loss over the years with my mum, but has led up to now full and happy life, she has always been a positive person. My mum has since been to see doctors and consultants and had various testing for this memory loss at the request of other family members, and I personally disagreed with this approach although realise that some addressing of it needed to happen. But it seems such an unempathetic and un-individualised system. It has caused great anxiety in my mum and stress increased confusion and memory loss ten fold since all this started. she has lost total confidence in herself and this has happened very quickly. I do not believe this is a positive step for my mum. She has an appointment to results etc. next month and I wondered if there was anything I could do to step in and try to turn this round. Should I write with my concerns to her GP and to the consultant? I would li
    ke to go in with the consultant before my mum does. I'm not trying to bury my head in the sand but looking for what is best for my mum. But I also do not want to make anything worse.

    Any advice would be gratefully recieved.

    Many thanks

    C. Connolly
  13. Connolly

    Connolly Registered User

    Apr 11, 2008
    sorry if I jumped into a thread

    Apologies I have probably jumped into a thread and needed to open this as a seperate one.

    C. Connolly
  14. margaret savage

    margaret savage Registered User

    Mar 20, 2008
    Update re Mum

    Hello all,

    Haven't had much time to sign in lately as things have again spiralled in an unexpected way with Mum.

    Last Sunday evening whilst getting undressed at my sister's house her false hip came out of its socket and the poor love was in absolute agony. Ann sent for the ambulance and she has been in hospital ever since. They operated to slip the hip back in place which was a great success, and mum seems to be walking better if anything.

    Unfortunately we once again had to miss her assesment which was to have been on Monday. However, we have spoken to the care manager and she is putting a case together for us for mum to have 24 hour care in a residential home, which means we can rest easy that she is not wandering around all night and see her as usual every day. Have to wait and see if we have any success there, but my main worry is how upset she is about not being able to come home with us every time we visit. She is so delighted to see us at first, but when she realises she has to stay there then she tells us she hates us, can't believe we have turned out to be so wicked etc. which is so sad. Had a breakthrough though this eve. as she refused to kiss me on leaving but then followed me down the corridor and told me she loved me and had a little hug and a cry. I can't tell you how much that made me feel better. It's going to be a long week as we will go through this ritual many times before we get things sorted.

    Sorry its a bit rambling but as usual the words just keep tumbling out.
    Best wishes to you all and hope you are all OK.

    Margaret xx

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