Yes it is so hard at times. We need so much patience, something I sometimes lack.
Behaviours and obsessions - carers - what are you dealing with?
- Thread starter TryingToRetainGrace
- Start date
My dad talks about having the house we live in, and a house that is identical on the other side of the village. He sometimes puts his coat on in the evening and says he is ready to go to the other house now. He cannot remember how to go to the kitchen or to his room, it is like he does not recognise the house at all. He has lived here for 40 years.
I am not sure where it comes from but it seems from your post it is not uncommon. You are not alone, we have many strange quirks and behaviours to unpick to support the ones we love. Sending best wishes
I am not sure where it comes from but it seems from your post it is not uncommon. You are not alone, we have many strange quirks and behaviours to unpick to support the ones we love. Sending best wishes
Our old dog has arthritis and I have been trying to get her to lose some weight to help her. I couldn’t understand why she seemed to be putting it on as I am the one who feds the dogs. One day I found some dog treats in the drawer of his bedside cabinet and very firmly told my husband not to do it. He said Oh, but it only a couple of treats and she loves them.
A few days later, I realised that a bag full of treats had disappeared so I went on the hunt again and found them hidden away in amongst his socks. Yesterday, I found a large handful of treats mixed in with his sweaters so it was time to have that conversation again, the about not sneaking her treats.
I got quite cross with him this time. Hiding them tells that he knew he knew that he was trying to deceive me so I really gave him a lecture and his response was that I was never to go into his room ever again. I couldn’t help myself and replied (sarcastically I admit) that it was fi e by me because then he would have to clean his own room.
I will just have to leave one packet of treats out and hide the rest.
Though I have offered to do his pills, he refuses and still does them himself, actually being very meticulous about it and setting up his weekly organiser. I run my eye over them and so far so good, except that he doesn’t put the pills in the right order. Instead of having breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime, reverses the dinner and bedtime ones. I have tried to suggest that he puts them in the right order but of course, I wasted my breath.
And the way he insists on stacking the dishwasher looks like a dog‘s breakfast. I could go on and one but somehow we all seem to manage quirky behaviour.
A few days later, I realised that a bag full of treats had disappeared so I went on the hunt again and found them hidden away in amongst his socks. Yesterday, I found a large handful of treats mixed in with his sweaters so it was time to have that conversation again, the about not sneaking her treats.
I got quite cross with him this time. Hiding them tells that he knew he knew that he was trying to deceive me so I really gave him a lecture and his response was that I was never to go into his room ever again. I couldn’t help myself and replied (sarcastically I admit) that it was fi e by me because then he would have to clean his own room.
I will just have to leave one packet of treats out and hide the rest.
Though I have offered to do his pills, he refuses and still does them himself, actually being very meticulous about it and setting up his weekly organiser. I run my eye over them and so far so good, except that he doesn’t put the pills in the right order. Instead of having breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime, reverses the dinner and bedtime ones. I have tried to suggest that he puts them in the right order but of course, I wasted my breath.
And the way he insists on stacking the dishwasher looks like a dog‘s breakfast. I could go on and one but somehow we all seem to manage quirky behaviour.
I actually did that when OH got angry with me and told me I must never go into his room. OK, it was at a time when I didnt understand that he had problems and thought he was just being a pain, but the outcome was that his room didnt get cleaned for two years. Yes, thats right, two years, because, of course, he never cleaned it at all....
OH’s study is exactly like that, disgusting. Untidy, tea stains everywhere, filthy computer screens and other stuff I won’t mention. He spends all his time in there.
But my cleaner will do his bedroom and OH won’t say a word. And even if he says I am not go in there, I still will. 🤭
We had a lose it moment with my dad yesterday! Out of no where he completely lost it with my husband, finger pointing shouting and then said we had to get out and he wasn't going to lunch with us. I think he was knackered and just wasn't computing what he had said.
We try so hard not to argue back but it caught us both so unawares and everything had been going so well. I reminded him we were the only people that cared for him, came around, checked in and were his general dogs bodies. On that we left...........I am not proud and I am gutted that I let him press our buttons.
I have spoken to him this morning just to remind him that the cleaner was coming, he knows he has upset us but I am just going to leave it for a few hours and not do my check in calls this morning. I am knackered too but he doesn't care, I worry about him constantly, but he doesn't care.
Sorry I'm having a feeling sorry for myself day
We try so hard not to argue back but it caught us both so unawares and everything had been going so well. I reminded him we were the only people that cared for him, came around, checked in and were his general dogs bodies. On that we left...........I am not proud and I am gutted that I let him press our buttons.
I have spoken to him this morning just to remind him that the cleaner was coming, he knows he has upset us but I am just going to leave it for a few hours and not do my check in calls this morning. I am knackered too but he doesn't care, I worry about him constantly, but he doesn't care.
Sorry I'm having a feeling sorry for myself day
Not really, the time when I woke up and found her sitting on the bedtime table with a calving knife in her hand was worse, somehow she'd remembered the alarm number to switch it off, got a big knife and was there to "protect me" that was scary. K
@JoannePat We all have days like that. We do everything for our loved ones and then they turn on us for what seems like no reason. And it hurts so it is no wonder you are feeling bad today. Take care of yourself and even though it is hard try to tell yourself that it was the dementia talking not your dad.We had a lose it moment with my dad yesterday! Out of no where he completely lost it with my husband, finger pointing shouting and then said we had to get out and he wasn't going to lunch with us. I think he was knackered and just wasn't computing what he had said.
We try so hard not to argue back but it caught us both so unawares and everything had been going so well. I reminded him we were the only people that cared for him, came around, checked in and were his general dogs bodies. On that we left...........I am not proud and I am gutted that I let him press our buttons.
I have spoken to him this morning just to remind him that the cleaner was coming, he knows he has upset us but I am just going to leave it for a few hours and not do my check in calls this morning. I am knackered too but he doesn't care, I worry about him constantly, but he doesn't care.
Sorry I'm having a feeling sorry for myself day
Thank you @SeaSwallow I'm so grateful for your kind words. You know that feeling when all you want to do is a have a good cry and that it will release some of the tension you are holding? Well I feel like that today....I have tried everything, but nothing is working. xx
My Mum has carers coming in 4 times a day - she gets quite aggressive with them, saying that they are going through her stuff. She's convinced that they are coming in to steal her things and as much as I try to explain that they are there to help with medication, food prep and other tasks that are very much needed, she gets a petulant look on her face.
The first list was so much like my other half. There were also several things in the replies that match him as well. It was so useful I have copied it into a word file so when His next assesment comes up I will give them a printed list. They always ask for examples and I turn into a rabbit in headlights. Part of me doesnt want him to hear the truth cos it will upset him. He thinks he is so kind and does everything for me. Part of me doesn't want to admit how bad he is and I can only think of the odd example , so while we are on the thread and he can't hear me I will add a couple more
Diet change will only eat curry, burger and chips or sausage and chips and cake chocolate more cake sweets crisps and more cake was putting winw in a tea cup so I wouldn't know.
Won't wear hearing aids people try to contact him and he doesn't want to speak to them.
Keeps his phone and keys under his pillow or in the shower or in his pocket.
Tells me every time he goes to the loo but will hide in the utility room to eat cake
Constantly wants to go out to cafes to eat then comes home and wants food
Goes to bed at 5pm if I let him then gets up every 2 hours wanting his breakfast
I say it's night time its dark outside he replies only in places.
Sits all day with tracksuit under his jeans a polo shirt 3 fleeces and his outside coat on including a woolen hat and his hood tied tightly under his chin.
Removes the hood and hat to go to bed sometimes he takes the jacket off
Germophobia he has to wear latex gardening gloves before he can touch anything except food.
In cafes once he has eaten he wants to go, asks; is it time, are we done, are we walking, ad-infinitum.
Random interjection to conversations eg Discussing the menu He will jump and say he can do one leg balances or worse knickle press ups and he has to demonstrate he gets angry if you try to stop him.
Won't believe you and will argue or do the opposite eg the shop is closed he will push you out of the way to go to it. If you touch him he will shout and say you are beating him
Diet change will only eat curry, burger and chips or sausage and chips and cake chocolate more cake sweets crisps and more cake was putting winw in a tea cup so I wouldn't know.
Won't wear hearing aids people try to contact him and he doesn't want to speak to them.
Keeps his phone and keys under his pillow or in the shower or in his pocket.
Tells me every time he goes to the loo but will hide in the utility room to eat cake
Constantly wants to go out to cafes to eat then comes home and wants food
Goes to bed at 5pm if I let him then gets up every 2 hours wanting his breakfast
I say it's night time its dark outside he replies only in places.
Sits all day with tracksuit under his jeans a polo shirt 3 fleeces and his outside coat on including a woolen hat and his hood tied tightly under his chin.
Removes the hood and hat to go to bed sometimes he takes the jacket off
Germophobia he has to wear latex gardening gloves before he can touch anything except food.
In cafes once he has eaten he wants to go, asks; is it time, are we done, are we walking, ad-infinitum.
Random interjection to conversations eg Discussing the menu He will jump and say he can do one leg balances or worse knickle press ups and he has to demonstrate he gets angry if you try to stop him.
Won't believe you and will argue or do the opposite eg the shop is closed he will push you out of the way to go to it. If you touch him he will shout and say you are beating him
You are welcome @JoannePat I totally understand what you are saying, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Sometimes i find that a walk in the fresh air can help, but not always.
Hello @jac69 That is a lot for you to have to put up with. Rather than give the list to whoever is doing the assessment on the day, would it not be possible to give it to them a few days beforehand. That way you will not be doing it in front of your OH and it will also give the assessors time to read the list before the meeting.
Hello, that is also familiar to me. My wife has mixed dementia and most symptoms show themselves every day. It used to bother me and I used to try and correct her, but now my motto is “time to let go “. It makes it easier for me and more comfortable for her. I know it’s hard to let go and it doesn’t always come naturally, but I think that’s the right solution for my wife. You have all my sympathy and I send you hugs and love. Keep going because it’s the only thing you can do.
We had a lose it moment with my dad yesterday! Out of no where he completely lost it with my husband, finger pointing shouting and then said we had to get out and he wasn't going to lunch with us. I think he was knackered and just wasn't computing what he had said.
We try so hard not to argue back but it caught us both so unawares and everything had been going so well. I reminded him we were the only people that cared for him, came around, checked in and were his general dogs bodies. On that we left...........I am not proud and I am gutted that I let him press our buttons.
I have spoken to him this morning just to remind him that the cleaner was coming, he knows he has upset us but I am just going to leave it for a few hours and not do my check in calls this morning. I am knackered too but he doesn't care, I worry about him constantly, but he doesn't care.
Sorry I'm having a feeling sorry for myself day
Oh dear this made laugh, sorry.My mother, never wet herself, nor soiled the bathroom floor. The DOG had always had a wee in HER slippers, and trod ''the other' all across the floor, and ever so thughtfully tried to finish the job, sitting on the toilet seat.
The dog had always ''just left'' when it happened
I was literally in the middle of crying & it made me stop & laugh.
Thankyou for posting xx
Similar threads
