Becoming my Mum's Carer...
- Thread starter HillyBilly
- Start date
I wrote to the CH, setting out my concerns and did receive a reply but not all my questions & concerns were answered/addressed to my satisfaction. They just state that they continue to support Mum with her personal care needs. And the dietary blip was blamed on new staff...
This week there have been a further two "incidents" in which my Mum has been "slapped", so more safeguarding protocol and the upshot is that my Mum has been moved to another room, away from the two "culprits" with whom my Mum seems to get into altercations.
Anyway, I've booked flights for Mum and me for 11 August
so she'll be out of there soon. She's greatly excited at the prospect of flying but god only knows how the exit from the CH and the journey will actually pan out or how confused and disorientated she's going to be by the move to a new home.
Now flat out here to get ready for our new resident - have a mate in with a digger right now, excavating for a ramp we need to put in at the back of the house...
This week there have been a further two "incidents" in which my Mum has been "slapped", so more safeguarding protocol and the upshot is that my Mum has been moved to another room, away from the two "culprits" with whom my Mum seems to get into altercations.
Anyway, I've booked flights for Mum and me for 11 August
so she'll be out of there soon. She's greatly excited at the prospect of flying but god only knows how the exit from the CH and the journey will actually pan out or how confused and disorientated she's going to be by the move to a new home.Now flat out here to get ready for our new resident - have a mate in with a digger right now, excavating for a ramp we need to put in at the back of the house...
More CH issues
Received a call from the CH last night informing me of yet another incident with my poor Mum. A new and confused resident went into Mum's room in the early hours and dragged my sleeping Mother out of her bed and then set about her. Care staff got there just in time to prevent any real damage. So the room move didn't do much good...I feel like the parent of a bullied child.
To top it off, the staff on duty were unable to find a phone number for me for several hours! (Even though I've formally written to the CH with all my details and they have managed to call me before from the office. But apparently my numbers are not in Mum's care plan and as the manager is on a lovely long holiday they couldn't access the info!).
Just have to grit my teeth for a while longer and hope that Mum can get through three more weeks without too much more trauma.
CHs are supposed to be safe places? Bull****. If someone in their own home was being assaulted with the regularity that my Mum is, then SS and the police would intervene. But because it's in a CH environment, where SS actually put my Mother in the first place, then that's OK? Sorry, no it isn't.
Received a call from the CH last night informing me of yet another incident with my poor Mum. A new and confused resident went into Mum's room in the early hours and dragged my sleeping Mother out of her bed and then set about her. Care staff got there just in time to prevent any real damage. So the room move didn't do much good...I feel like the parent of a bullied child.
To top it off, the staff on duty were unable to find a phone number for me for several hours! (Even though I've formally written to the CH with all my details and they have managed to call me before from the office. But apparently my numbers are not in Mum's care plan and as the manager is on a lovely long holiday they couldn't access the info!).
Just have to grit my teeth for a while longer and hope that Mum can get through three more weeks without too much more trauma.
CHs are supposed to be safe places? Bull****. If someone in their own home was being assaulted with the regularity that my Mum is, then SS and the police would intervene. But because it's in a CH environment, where SS actually put my Mother in the first place, then that's OK? Sorry, no it isn't.
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Due to the number of safeguarding incidents involving my Mum in her CH, apparently management is to be called in by SS for a meeting to explain themselves. In the meantime the CH manager has resigned (in order to move to pastures new, she says).
The prospect of leaving the CH is obviously making Mum unsettled, but in a good way as in she's becoming increasingly impatient to leave and critical of her situation and care. "I don't have to stay here much longer, do I?" she always asks now.
Today I visited the potential day care centre (Ireland) and it was so lovely compared to Mum's existing CH (UK) environment. Maybe I'm comparing chalk with cheese but everyone (OK there were only about 12 people there) seemed happy and engaged and there was no smell. Nobody with a vacant, murderous gaze either. An elderly chap got out his squeezebox/accordian and played a wee tune or three and people got up to dance, all impromptu. He was/is a locally renowned musician in his time, having played for the President. I said I'd like his autograph but had to settle for a kiss
Another plus is that a lovely neighbour with mental health nursing experience has offered her "sitting" services for Mum, if ever needed.
A positive day here.
The prospect of leaving the CH is obviously making Mum unsettled, but in a good way as in she's becoming increasingly impatient to leave and critical of her situation and care. "I don't have to stay here much longer, do I?" she always asks now.
Today I visited the potential day care centre (Ireland) and it was so lovely compared to Mum's existing CH (UK) environment. Maybe I'm comparing chalk with cheese but everyone (OK there were only about 12 people there) seemed happy and engaged and there was no smell. Nobody with a vacant, murderous gaze either. An elderly chap got out his squeezebox/accordian and played a wee tune or three and people got up to dance, all impromptu. He was/is a locally renowned musician in his time, having played for the President. I said I'd like his autograph but had to settle for a kiss
Another plus is that a lovely neighbour with mental health nursing experience has offered her "sitting" services for Mum, if ever needed.
A positive day here.
Well done HillyBilly and partner, and good luck. My mum came from Dublin to Liverpool when she was first married (17) now 87 and considers this her home. We still have lots of relatives over there that are in touch. I admire you both for the struggle you're going though in order to care of your mum. I hope things go well and swiftly.
Many thanks, Patmac.
It's "all go" as they say.
The access ramp at the rear of the house is starting to take shape.
The removal company has advised that they'll be delivering Mum's container load of stuff on 3 August. God knows where we're going to put it all...
My car has decided to play up - it's emitting huge clouds of white smoke, think the turbo has gone. Fabulous
One more thing to add to the seemingly endless "to do" list!Did you manage any sleep last night yourself?
Hillybilly, I'm ashamed to say I've only just found your thread! Well done you for shifting your mum! Hope there are no more incidents before you get her home. And I also hope she settles well and quickly. The Day Centre sounds lovely - will she be able to go every day? My William wouldn't go to a Day Centre, sadly. He went once or twice, and then refused to go back. It just wasn't for him. He never was a very social person, or a "joiner in". It certainly sounds like you are doing well to get your mum out of where she is anyway.
Thanks Lady A!
Like your William, my Mum has never been a sociable person or a joiner-inner. However I think her 7 months in the CH in the UK have forced her to be more sociable. The staff report that she does join in, when prompted. Mum may not be keen on going to what she will no doubt see as another sort of "institution" but I really do need to get her to attend, using whatever ploys/bribes are necessary. I think it will do her good.
The day centre is open Mon - Fri, so she could go every day of the week! There's no transport that comes out our way unfortunately so I'll have to drive her there myself but I'll be able to tie in the trips with food shopping in town. It only costs 15€ a day too, which includes a cooked 3 course lunch. If Mum won't go, I think I may just attend myself
I've also been added to the waiting lists for home help hours and respite weeks next year. Everyone has been so helpful and friendly compared to the people I've had to deal with in the UK.
Like your William, my Mum has never been a sociable person or a joiner-inner. However I think her 7 months in the CH in the UK have forced her to be more sociable. The staff report that she does join in, when prompted. Mum may not be keen on going to what she will no doubt see as another sort of "institution" but I really do need to get her to attend, using whatever ploys/bribes are necessary. I think it will do her good.
The day centre is open Mon - Fri, so she could go every day of the week! There's no transport that comes out our way unfortunately so I'll have to drive her there myself but I'll be able to tie in the trips with food shopping in town. It only costs 15€ a day too, which includes a cooked 3 course lunch. If Mum won't go, I think I may just attend myself
I've also been added to the waiting lists for home help hours and respite weeks next year. Everyone has been so helpful and friendly compared to the people I've had to deal with in the UK.
It does feel very strange in the early days when you have so many questions at strange times of the day but always find someone close at hand. I too spent a lot of time taking, but now my mother has passed away peaceful , i rather enjoy give back. Some nights i have to work late and in quiet moments , look to help any late night posters as best i can. One of the great things about TP is that it has so many members with many varieties in experience.
In the past, my sister and I received much late night help and support just when it was needed. So don't feel bad about asking, its the natural order of things. And over time we all still learn from your experiences. Good luck.
In the past, my sister and I received much late night help and support just when it was needed. So don't feel bad about asking, its the natural order of things. And over time we all still learn from your experiences. Good luck.
Can't submit that until Mum's here in residence as the GP will need to assess her, but have the form downloaded, ready!
Removal rant
Need to have a wee rant.
Mum's furniture & household effects were supposed to be delivered here in Ireland today by the removal company. Waited. Emailed. Waited some more. Phoned. Met with total indifference by head office. Eventually got told (at 4pm) that the delivery now won't be until next Tuesday. Apparently it was rescheduled by the Irish end yesterday but nobody thought to let me know
I ranted and I'm afraid I swore and the director put the phone down on me
So now I'll have less than 24hrs to deal with it all before I have to fly to the UK the next morning to bring Mum back here with me. I had wanted to be able to unpack it all at leisure, clean rugs etc and get some of her pictures & bits and pieces into her room here before she arrives.
Humph.
Need to have a wee rant.
Mum's furniture & household effects were supposed to be delivered here in Ireland today by the removal company. Waited. Emailed. Waited some more. Phoned. Met with total indifference by head office. Eventually got told (at 4pm) that the delivery now won't be until next Tuesday. Apparently it was rescheduled by the Irish end yesterday but nobody thought to let me know
I ranted and I'm afraid I swore and the director put the phone down on me
So now I'll have less than 24hrs to deal with it all before I have to fly to the UK the next morning to bring Mum back here with me. I had wanted to be able to unpack it all at leisure, clean rugs etc and get some of her pictures & bits and pieces into her room here before she arrives.
Humph.
Need to have a wee rant.
Mum's furniture & household effects were supposed to be delivered here in Ireland today by the removal company. Waited. Emailed. Waited some more. Phoned. Met with total indifference by head office. Eventually got told (at 4pm) that the delivery now won't be until next Tuesday. Apparently it was rescheduled by the Irish end yesterday but nobody thought to let me know
I ranted and I'm afraid I swore and the director put the phone down on me
So now I'll have less than 24hrs to deal with it all before I have to fly to the UK the next morning to bring Mum back here with me. I had wanted to be able to unpack it all at leisure, clean rugs etc and get some of her pictures & bits and pieces into her room here before she arrives.
Humph.
Put a strong complaint in writing, pointing out how much this is inconveniencing you. Seriously - to re-schedule a large delivery like that at all, even if they were going to deliver it just a day late, without telling you would be bad. But to decide "ah, can't deliver that today - next week will do."- and not bother to tell you that you would have to wait another week?! There are too many companies here that think they are only operating for their own benefit, and forget that it's the customer that counts if you want to do well.
In this sort of situation a complaint is always in order , but as you've much to do and your mother is your biggest priority, why not save the complaint until you've taken possession of the furniture and nothing more can happen to you.
The guy on the phone knows your very upset/annoyed. so just think of your mother's journey. Hope that goes well.
The guy on the phone knows your very upset/annoyed. so just think of your mother's journey. Hope that goes well.
Thank you so much for asking LadyA.
On the removal front I've swallowed it up for now but will put in a complaint once the delivery has materialised.
Back at the ranch, Mum's room is ready (well, except for the missing removal items), the bathroom is finished and the access ramp at the back of the house just lacks a handrail here and there. Have a few other small bits and pieces to get done too.
My car is still off the road which is a real problem as our other mode of transport is a large van which there's no way Mum could get up into! Fortunately we have (yet another) lovely neighbour who runs a car sales place and he's offered to sort us out with one of his cars to tide us over.
I've stocked up with incontinence supplies, UTI testing kit, lots of spare bedding, kylie sheets etc. Mum's medical card was issued and I need to make an appointment for her to see her new GP very soon after she gets here. I've repeatedly requested that Mum be discharged with sufficient medication to tide her over - if that doesn't happen we'll be right up the creek lol.
So I guess we're pretty much as prepared as we're going to be. Every so often someone will say something like "Oh, what you're doing is very brave" or "How will you cope?" which unnerves me. Frankly, I have absolutely no idea how we're going to cope but I know we will.
Special assistance has been booked with Aer Lingus so I do hope that works out OK. All luggage will be checked in, inc zimmer frame, leaving me with just Mum to cope with at the airports. Oh god, just had a thought - I hope airport assistance hangs around at Cork airport so that I can retrieve the luggage from the carousel!
It's certainly going to be an adventure
On the removal front I've swallowed it up for now but will put in a complaint once the delivery has materialised.
Back at the ranch, Mum's room is ready (well, except for the missing removal items), the bathroom is finished and the access ramp at the back of the house just lacks a handrail here and there. Have a few other small bits and pieces to get done too.
My car is still off the road which is a real problem as our other mode of transport is a large van which there's no way Mum could get up into! Fortunately we have (yet another) lovely neighbour who runs a car sales place and he's offered to sort us out with one of his cars to tide us over.
I've stocked up with incontinence supplies, UTI testing kit, lots of spare bedding, kylie sheets etc. Mum's medical card was issued and I need to make an appointment for her to see her new GP very soon after she gets here. I've repeatedly requested that Mum be discharged with sufficient medication to tide her over - if that doesn't happen we'll be right up the creek lol.
So I guess we're pretty much as prepared as we're going to be. Every so often someone will say something like "Oh, what you're doing is very brave" or "How will you cope?" which unnerves me. Frankly, I have absolutely no idea how we're going to cope
but I know we will.Special assistance has been booked with Aer Lingus so I do hope that works out OK. All luggage will be checked in, inc zimmer frame, leaving me with just Mum to cope with at the airports. Oh god, just had a thought - I hope airport assistance hangs around at Cork airport so that I can retrieve the luggage from the carousel!
It's certainly going to be an adventure
My mum has travelled with airport assistance a couple of times. She doesn't have dementia, but is partially disabled. She found it brilliant, as she can't walk far, and needs a crutch. Wheeled through the airport, and onto the plane first!Thank you so much for asking LadyA.
On the removal front I've swallowed it up for now but will put in a complaint once the delivery has materialised.
Back at the ranch, Mum's room is ready (well, except for the missing removal items), the bathroom is finished and the access ramp at the back of the house just lacks a handrail here and there. Have a few other small bits and pieces to get done too.
My car is still off the road which is a real problem as our other mode of transport is a large van which there's no way Mum could get up into! Fortunately we have (yet another) lovely neighbour who runs a car sales place and he's offered to sort us out with one of his cars to tide us over.
I've stocked up with incontinence supplies, UTI testing kit, lots of spare bedding, kylie sheets etc. Mum's medical card was issued and I need to make an appointment for her to see her new GP very soon after she gets here. I've repeatedly requested that Mum be discharged with sufficient medication to tide her over - if that doesn't happen we'll be right up the creek lol.
So I guess we're pretty much as prepared as we're going to be. Every so often someone will say something like "Oh, what you're doing is very brave" or "How will you cope?" which unnerves me. Frankly, I have absolutely no idea how we're going to cope
Special assistance has been booked with Aer Lingus so I do hope that works out OK. All luggage will be checked in, inc zimmer frame, leaving me with just Mum to cope with at the airports. Oh god, just had a thought - I hope airport assistance hangs around at Cork airport so that I can retrieve the luggage from the carousel!
It's certainly going to be an adventure
Explain to them that you need them while you get the luggage. I'm sure they will hang on to your mum. When do you travel?Oh - I've just realised, it's during this week! Very best of luck. When you get settled back, let us know how you get on.
I fly to the UK on Weds and return (hopefully!) with Mum on Thursday.
Don't worry, I'll no doubt be on here frequently with updates and looking for advice and support.
I hope you're having a nice day, LadyA, whatever you're up to. Is the sun shining? It is here, but windy - the chickens are being blown around the garden.
Don't worry, I'll no doubt be on here frequently with updates and looking for advice and support.
I hope you're having a nice day, LadyA, whatever you're up to. Is the sun shining? It is here, but windy - the chickens are being blown around the garden.
You have chickens?! I need to get more! I haven't had chickens since April. I'm supposed to be sorting out the secure run. I must be feeling better because right now I'm thinking I might try and tackle that this week, and clean the henhouse and then get four or five girlies! Organic eggs are so expensive! I know feed is too, but even so, bought eggs still aren't as good as ones that only travel from your back yard, are they?!
We have four hens (Henny Penny, Psycho, Snowy and Amelia) and their cockerel, Floyd. Actually they're all bantams (although I think Henny Penny is either a rogue oversized bantam or a full blown chicken chicken). There's a photo of them somewhere in the All Things Birdie thread on here.
We haven't had to buy any eggs since they started laying earlier this year - you're right, you can't beat your own girls' eggs, even if they do cost more to produce!
Chickens certainly give you a good reason to get out of bed in the morning and you can oh so happily "waste" hours chicken-watching too. Go for it LadyA! You know you want to...
We haven't had to buy any eggs since they started laying earlier this year - you're right, you can't beat your own girls' eggs, even if they do cost more to produce!
Chickens certainly give you a good reason to get out of bed in the morning and you can oh so happily "waste" hours chicken-watching too. Go for it LadyA! You know you want to...
