Becoming my Mum's Carer...

[HillyBilly]

Bent fnger sounds like an overdose of untreated trigger finger - but I am not a doctor. Might be sort out-able without too much hassle via steriod injection, unless it's been like that for too long, but I am not a doctor. Glad things are coming together for you after all the upheaval and worry.

Thanks. Just Googled that - turns out that's what I have with one of my thumbs! Taking Mum to see her new GP on Monday so will bring it up. It causes Mum difficulty holding her fork too.

It certainly sounds like your mum is a lot happier with you! Well done.

Mum seems to be as happy as Larry! She ate a hearty breakfast of mushroom and cheese omelette, then I got her to shower - that's two mornings on the trot! Had a bit of a poo incident that had to be cleaned up - just a bit of a "leak". I need to develop a strong stomach I see.

Then we drove her into town where she chose a lovely new walking stick that she's threatening to poke everybody in the bum with. Also a new pair of slippers to replace the health hazard ones I had to chuck out into the garden. Lovely old fashioned shoe shop where the shop assistant brought loads of boxes of slippers down from upstairs for Mum to choose from. Never realised until now what long, indirect routes you need to take to get anywhere when pushing a wheelchair around town, looking for dropped kerbs that haven't been blocked by parked cars.

Lunch of soup and sandwiches and right now Mum's happily sitting in her armchair, wearing her new slippers, dog at her feet and reading the newspaper. She's even reading snippets out to me. First batch of stinky laundry on the go.

Am having trouble getting enough water into her - she says she doesn't want to spend half her life in the loo. This one's going to be tricky.

 

[Amy in the US]

Again, it sounds as though things are off to a roaring start. Well done on sorting the slippers. My advice would be to make the old ones "disappear" out of your mother's sight, but you probably already know that.

From some recent experience with an aunt who is starting to have mobility problems, I hear what you are saying regarding how different it is when you are with someone in a wheelchair or even just needing to avoid steps. My other aunt and I have to now scout locations in advance, before we go on outings, after a fall during a lunch outing (no one injured and lovely strong strangers came to the rescue). We secured a handicapped parking tag (I know you have a different term but can't recall at the moment, sorry) and that has helped, but you are right, you have to be aware of routes and sometimes ramps are blocked.

You are not the first person here on TP to mention the difficulty with fluid intake, judging from the posts I've read over the past 18 months. There can be a resistance to the PWD drinking enough to avoid UTIs, dehydration, and other problems. Suggestions I recall:

-try different drinking glasses until you find a favourite or favoured one, and use that (get multiples if you can). You might need something smaller or larger than what is currently being used. In my mother's case, her arthritis and lack of hand strength was part of the problem as she needed a very lightweight cup and we had to go to plastic.

-try something with a straw as sometimes people drink more this way, although I'd use something with a lid.

-forget about calories, nutrition, and sugar and give them whatever they will drink! (Unless of course you are also dealing with diabetes or allergies or something similar.)

-keep the glass/cup/mug refreshed

-some people prefer a clear glass, others something brightly coloured. See what works!

-see if having a cup of tea or a glass of juice yourself acts as a "prompt" for the other person to drink (this can also help with eating, although it doesn't sound as though that's a problem). I find sitting across from my mother works best for this, but experiment

-switch to decaf coffee and tea, since caffeine can be dehydrating (and don't tell them if that would be an issue)

-introduce lots of food high in water content: jellies, some fruits (I think especially melons, grapes, oranges, and berries), soup, pudding, yogurt, et cetera. Maybe have a soup course every day?

I am sure there is other advice here but it may just be a matter of finding what is most appealing or palatable at the moment. My mother has gone through some stages of only wanting sweet drinks, or only drinking coffee, or refusing water but drinking tea, and so forth. It is clear to me that her dementia has somehow changed how she tastes or perceives food and I read/hear that often. Probably it will take some experimenting on your part and don't be discouraged if you figure it out, and then things change.

I hope the GP visit goes well on Monday. Were you able to sort out her records and medications? (I cannot recall, sorry.)

 

[Greyone]

I'm truly happy for you all and I hope you will have much happiness together for some time. I think that's the least you deserve. Very well done and good luck.

 

[LadyA]

Amy is right - jelly, icecream, mousse, soup etc will all count as part of fluid intake. Try making a "thing " of morning/afternoon tea break, with nice cups or mugs, nice biccies or something, and sit and have tea with her. Apart from getting fluids into your mum, HillyBilly, it might give you a break in your day. And the time may come when teabreak with mum could be a very precious memory for you. xx

 

[HillyBilly]

Fluids and Incontinence

Thank you one and all.

Getting Mum to drink tea is easy and we all sat and "took tea" in the garden in the afternoon, with the chickens but I was getting a bit concerned re the fluid intake and I made her a cup of decaff tea before bed. (She didn't comment on its flavour, so I think she'll be on that all the time from now on, apart from the odd cup of her favourite Earl Grey, unless I can source that too in decaff - oh just found it on Amazon). But what with the tea before bed and the large evening meal, she's been up 3 times in the night to use her chemical toilet. She seems to have her BMs at around 3.30am After using the loo each time, she's then wandered out of her room instead of back to bed and woken us all up lol. Now I'm on the sleep deprivation wavelength with many of you. I think (hope) she's just still a bit disorientated when she wakes up.

So - today's strategy is lots of decaff tea during the day, cutting down on fluid intake as the evening looms. Soup every day is a brilliant idea. We had fruit salad last night with peaches, grapes, strawberries and custard so I guess that all counts. I shall try the different drinking vessels experiment too and drinking straws.

I don't know if Mum's medical records have turned up here yet but I've enough meds for another week and a bit and her care plan (which I have) details her diagnosis, meds etc.

Can't believe I've just spent an hour on a Sunday morning researching incontinence supplies. Is this my life from now on?

The pads Mum was using (iD) with her normal underwear leaked something rotten. I've got one pack of them we brought back with us (unfortunately no room in luggage for more so had to leave loads behind in CH).

The Tena pull ups are brilliant - no leaks, no wet clothing or furniture, no odour. But it's so hard changing them because Mum insists on wearing trousers and so the shoes and trousers have to come off when the pull up needs changing. They come apart at side seams but don't fix that way so that seems a bit of a pointless design feature, or am I missing something?!

I've just found Tena Fix stretch pants on Amazon, to be used with pads so might give them a go. Anyone had any experiences with these, good or bad? Hopefully the PHN will help sort us something once she's seen Mum but until then it's DIY.

 

[LadyA]

I'm sure Tesco do decaff Earl Grey - do you have a tesco near you? In fact, try Aldi too. They have a good selection of decaff teas too. Tesco also do a range of incontinence pads. But if you are getting from Amazon, then you may as well get from here: https://www.completecareshop.co.uk/continence-care/ - as your mum has a diagnosis of dementia, you will at least save the VAT! You just fill in the bit at the checkout which asks about that, and you don't get charged the VAT. I used to get Incontinence Wipes and Bath in Bed wipes for William from there - William wouldn't let me shower him, so they were a great help.

 

[Tin]

Are you taking her to the toilet regularly even though she is wearing the pulls ups? my mum wears Depend through the day and I still take her to the toilet every 2 hours, this way I do not have to witness mum taking every bit of clothing off just to change them and this goes a long way to avoiding any kind of rash. In case you are not, start using a barrier cream.

I cut down liquids after a certain time, I give mum as much as she wants in the morning and then slow down afternoon, with her last cup of decaff tea at 3.30pm. Unfortunately a pee through the night does sometimes trigger the 'time to get up now' thing. Maybe a step too far, but I also avoid giving mum any liquidy kind of desserts after evening meal she has a piece of her favourite cake instead. What does work for me is that just before I go to bed and about 2 hours after mum has gone to bed, I go and wake mum and put her on the commode. If I don't do this then she gets herself up around 2a.m, toilet and then she is up for the rest of the morning!

Good luck !!!

 

[Amy in the US]

HB, if you have a search through past threads (I'd try search terms like incontinence and pads) you will see more information about different brands. You could also open a new thread with something like "asking for incontinence pad advice" in the title and then more people would see your query and likely respond.

Regular trips to the loo, barrier creams, and gradually cutting down liquid intake are definitely pieces of advice I see often. Also trips to the loo right after getting up, right before bed, and before and/or after each meal, and always before you leave the house.

I think given time to settle in, you will figure out more of a routine and one hopes your mum's innards will adjust so that regular bowel movements happen, and during daylight hours--which will be much easier for you all!

Also you might consider getting gloves for yourself to use for cleaning up your mum, either regularly or for "messy" incidents. While it's helpful from a purely practical standpoint it can also help psychologically as well.

I also see a lot of people here on TP talk about the Incontinence Nurse or clinic. I don't know if that's something you have in Ireland/your area, but if it's a resource available to you, definitely use it. Some people seem to get little to no help, but others get advice and/or pads provided to them, so it's worth checking out.

Oh, and just like advice on the pads, there is also good advice in various threads here on TP for what sort of barrier pads to use on the bed. You definitely want some sort of mattress protector. I see references to Kylie sheets (with positives and negatives) but also many people have come up with their own system that works for them, for beds and for furniture.

And for whatever it's worth, here's some info from Alzheimer's UK: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=136

Hope something in there is helpful.

 

[HillyBilly]

Are you taking her to the toilet regularly even though she is wearing the pulls ups? my mum wears Depend through the day and I still take her to the toilet every 2 hours, this way I do not have to witness mum taking every bit of clothing off just to change them and this goes a long way to avoiding any kind of rash. In case you are not, start using a barrier cream.

Thanks Tin. Today I made sure to take Mum to the loo straight after a cup of tea. She wee'd, pad dry. 10 mins later she wants to go to the loo again. Pad wet already And she dribbles before hitting the loo seat. Zoflora to the rescue again. I think now after researching your link, LadyA, that I'm going to have to insist on the all in one, side fastening, nappy type pads, if Mum won't start wearing skirts. Which she never will. At least i have no problem getting Mum into the shower every morning (at the moment!). Not got any barrier cream - would Sudocrem do? I have that for the chickens lol.

We let Mum loose out on her mobility scooter this afternoon (under strict supervision) and met some of our neighbours, inc the lady who I'm REALLY REALLY hoping will do some sitting for us.

Her Ladyship's now sitting here happily perusing a book of photos of the East End (London, where she was born), listening to 50s music, tapping her feet and waiting for her latest meal to be served.

 

[HillyBilly]

Photos

Some photos of Mum from the journey so far.
Ready for the off from the CH.
At the airport.
Made it to Ireland and met the dog.
Having tea in the garden, post haircut.

 

[LadyA]

Is the caravan for you to hide in?!

 

[Tin]

That is one big dog!!! Sudacrem is a barrier cream with anti septic just fine. I use an own brand zinc and caster cream with no antiseptic, cheaper and as I regularly wash mum I feel no need to pay extra for the antiseptic kind. Shame about the timing for toilet, but feel sure you will find a way to handle this.

One question, why sudacrem for the chickens?

 

[LadyA]

HillyBilly, I was wondering how long it would be before someone asked!!

The incontinence wipes I used for William had a barrier in them, and he hated the feel of cream, so I used caldasene powder for him.

 

[HillyBilly]

Is the caravan for you to hide in?!

It's for the OH to hide in

 

[HillyBilly]

One question, why sudacrem for the chickens?

LOL - it's an essential for chicken first aid - injuries, moulting/plucked feathers, sore combs

 

[Tin]

LOL - it's an essential for chicken first aid - injuries, moulting/plucked feathers, sore combs

I only have 2 hens now, no injuries so far, but am interested in the moulting bit you mentioned. I have never treated them during this period, but should I put some sort of cream on them when it happens?

 

[LadyA]

I never have, unless there were injuries. Hens can be right vicious. I had one poor hen that literally lost all her feathers overnight during one moult. The others didn't seem to recognise this bizarre creature, and wouldn't allow her to eat. She hid in a spare henhouse and I fed her separately in there until her feathers came through.

 

[HillyBilly]

I only have 2 hens now, no injuries so far, but am interested in the moulting bit you mentioned. I have never treated them during this period, but should I put some sort of cream on them when it happens?

Only if they start getting sore skin - can sometimes happen during a severe moult. Some people use it to try and prevent a moult (I've read) but I've never done this as I think myself that moulting is a natural process.

 

[Tin]

Thank you ladies. Now I know this will keep an eye for any soreness during moulting season.

 

[LadyA]

Thank you ladies. Now I know this will keep an eye for any soreness during moulting season.

Most keepers use it for scaley leg mite, should that be a problem. You just cover the legs with sudocreme, it soothes the legs and smothers the mites. Very messy though. And you have to do it every day. For a week or so I think - never had a problem with scaley leg in my hens, so I don't remember.