Banned
- Thread starter CollegeGirl
- Start date
Hi CG
I had a look at the Admiral Nurses site for you and there is a place where they operate from in Grimsby - its called NAVIGO Care - not sure if that's near you? But even if its not you can still give them a bell - they are really helpful.
Reading your point re your mams consultant being anti-meds - she is entitled to her opinion - but that doesn't mean she is right and she is not the one that is living with/dealing with your mam on a daily basis is she?
I agree with SisterMillicent re antipsyhotic drugs - they definitely helped my mom come back from the edge when she was sectioned last year. I also understand your dads fear of an increased risk of stroke too - but every med has side effects of some description and if we read all the side effects we'd probably never take any at all would we?
The question is do the potential positive effects of the meds outweigh the risks of the side effects? and we all have to make our own judgement on that one.
I have an easier ride than you in that my (disabled) dad is not in good health either and - he goes along with anything that I suggest - its good on one hand - but on the other hand its an increased burden for me as I constantly ask myself am I doing the right thing???? I don't know.... but I know I am trying hard to make my moms quality of life as good as I can in the circumstances.
Whichever way is torture I know..... I hope you are having a better day - sending you lots of cuddles xx
I had a look at the Admiral Nurses site for you and there is a place where they operate from in Grimsby - its called NAVIGO Care - not sure if that's near you? But even if its not you can still give them a bell - they are really helpful.
Reading your point re your mams consultant being anti-meds - she is entitled to her opinion - but that doesn't mean she is right and she is not the one that is living with/dealing with your mam on a daily basis is she?
I agree with SisterMillicent re antipsyhotic drugs - they definitely helped my mom come back from the edge when she was sectioned last year. I also understand your dads fear of an increased risk of stroke too - but every med has side effects of some description and if we read all the side effects we'd probably never take any at all would we?
The question is do the potential positive effects of the meds outweigh the risks of the side effects? and we all have to make our own judgement on that one.
I have an easier ride than you in that my (disabled) dad is not in good health either and - he goes along with anything that I suggest - its good on one hand - but on the other hand its an increased burden for me as I constantly ask myself am I doing the right thing???? I don't know.... but I know I am trying hard to make my moms quality of life as good as I can in the circumstances.
Whichever way is torture I know..... I hope you are having a better day - sending you lots of cuddles xx
How selfish of me, I completely overlooked this paragraph in your reply. We seem to be in exactly the same boat, SisterM. I have no answers, but at least we can support each other. It is very difficult. I feel that dad has chosen mam over me and I confess that it makes me angry. Well angry is maybe not the right word. I can't think of the right word. But I have no right to be angry because she is his wife, she is his whole life, whereas I have my own life to live - husband, children, job, home, interests - and therefore could not be with dad every day to keep him company if he was without mam. And so this angry feeling, or whatever it is, makes me ashamed of myself. I go round in circles, constantly, about how I feel. I suspect you are the same. Big hugs.
That's so kind, Z&Z, I appreciate that. Unfortunately Grimsby is nowhere near me (in Cleveland area) but I take your point about ringing them anyway. Perhaps they would have some ideas or suggestions. I will look into that, thank you.
I know, that's what we keep trying to tell her! Her heart is in the right place, don't get me wrong. She is very keen to do what is best for mam, it's just that what she thinks is best and what dad thinks is best is often two different things! She is, however, supportive of his desire to keep mam at home, whilst at the same time spelling out to him that eventually she may have to overrule him if she/we can't persuade him otherwise if and when the time comes. But for the moment, she supports him in that way.
This is so true. I put off taking antidepressants for ages because I was scared of the suicidal feelings that were one of the side effects. Those rare side effects have never materialised and in fact I think the tablets have just about been the saving of me. Perhaps I should mention the anti-psychotics to dad again. I'm so pleased to hear of some positive experiences.
I think you're doing a fantastic job supporting your parents. I would question whether you have an easier ride than me ... certainly although dad has many health problems, he is not disabled. I think you have it tougher.
Aw, all cuddles very welcome. I can almost feel them! Right back atcher!
By the way - sorry for the humongous post - you might all be interested to hear that dad managed to phone me this morning before mam got up and I told him about Fiona's idea. Surprisingly he was quite interested and is going to mention it to the social worker next week while mam is in respite. So, thank you so much Fiona, it's something I'd never have thought of myself. Perhaps this will be the dawning of a new era.
Many thanks all, I don't know what I'd do without you. Wish there was a kissing smiley, because you all deserve a great big one!
Hi Collegegirl, Just wanted to let you know my husband has been on anti-psychotics (Risperidone) for the past couple of months or so and they have been a godsend for us. They help keep the agitation, aggression and paranoia down to an acceptable level which makes caring much easier. We have had to play around and adjust the dose to get it just right.
Anti psychotics do get a lot of bad press and they do not suit everyone depending upon other health issues etc. Definitely worth investigating though and I wish you luck with your dad and your mam.
Just out of interest I said earlier we use a care agency which have been excellent - they were recommended by Admiral Nurses (they don't cover our area either).
SnowLeopard, with love x
Anti psychotics do get a lot of bad press and they do not suit everyone depending upon other health issues etc. Definitely worth investigating though and I wish you luck with your dad and your mam.
Just out of interest I said earlier we use a care agency which have been excellent - they were recommended by Admiral Nurses (they don't cover our area either).
SnowLeopard, with love x
Thank you, Snow Leopard, that's really interesting and so good to know. If I get chance I'm going to bring up the subject of anti-psychotics again. It may actually be the last chance dad has of finding a tablet that will help him keep her at home, the magic pill that he's looking for. After all, nothing else has worked - she's currently on mirtazapam and in his words has been 'ten times worse' than before, even though this was the tablet he was desperate to be tried, and was pinning all his hopes on.
I'll try again.
I'll try again.
HiCollegegirl! I too was very sceptical about anti psychotics, my Dad is now on risperidone regularly and seems a lot more settled. I think the paranoia and anxiety was very hard on him and he was very aggressive at times, it was awful to see. I am watching like a hawk though to see that he is kept balanced on it, at the moment all is well, that's all we can ask for but he is a lot happier in himself. He even missed me the other day, Mum, my daughter, son in law and grandson went in to see him, oh and my younger son nearly 15, he actually remembered my sons name and asked where the other one was....me! He told them he'd seen some "funny sights" since he'd been in here!
We know getting better isn't an option but seeing him at least be happier and more settled in himself is good. Obviously your Dad feels very strongly about medication and it's made difficult with the psychiatrist too but hopefully not impossible.....take care
We know getting better isn't an option but seeing him at least be happier and more settled in himself is good. Obviously your Dad feels very strongly about medication and it's made difficult with the psychiatrist too but hopefully not impossible.....take care
Wobbly!!!! Was just thinking about you the other day, haven't heard from you in ages!
I'm delighted to hear that risperidone seems to be helping your dad, how wonderful that things are a little brighter for you all on that front - long may it continue.
I did bring up the subject again with dad, and he just said he didn't want to go down that route, so that's that I'm afraid. I can rarely persuade him when he's against something. There's not much I can do about it.
xx
I'm delighted to hear that risperidone seems to be helping your dad, how wonderful that things are a little brighter for you all on that front - long may it continue.
I did bring up the subject again with dad, and he just said he didn't want to go down that route, so that's that I'm afraid. I can rarely persuade him when he's against something. There's not much I can do about it.
xx
When I had the meeting with the community psychiatric doctor last week, he wanted to take my mum off the minute dose of anti-psychotic drug she is on, as they no longer recommend the particular one for dementia. Mum was on this to calm her anxiety, but it sounds a bit drastic to put her on such a drug, so I'm glad really. I'll let you know what he recommends as an alternative, although I have to say she has never been aggressive thankfully, just anxious and currently emotional
It would be really helpful if members could write which variant of dementia their loved one has, when discussing the antipsychotics.
Thanks
Thanks
Hi again Wobbly, Jennie and Brucie.
I'd be interested too in hearing what the doctor recommends, Jennie. I'm glad to hear that your mum is not aggressive, it's so difficult to deal with. Your mum sounds lovely.
Brucie, my mam has Alzheimer's, but has not been given any anti-psychotics up to now. The consultant did at one point say she would consider them as an absolute last resort, but would make no promises that she would ever prescribe them, and since then my dad has gone off that idea anyway after watching a damning programme on the telly. Yet obviously, happily, they do work for some people. I hope that helps?
Wobbly, you hit the nail on the head. So, so difficult. My parents are good people and do not remotely deserve what's happening to them ... but who does, eh?
By the way, dad has spoken to the manager of the day centre and she has assured him that this ban need not be permanent. If mam's aggression can be calmed, they would be happy to try again.
Also, the place where mam is currently in respite does offer day care too, so if dad is happy with how mam has been whilst there, then that's another possibility too. So all is not lost.
Love and hugs to you all.
I'd be interested too in hearing what the doctor recommends, Jennie. I'm glad to hear that your mum is not aggressive, it's so difficult to deal with. Your mum sounds lovely.
Brucie, my mam has Alzheimer's, but has not been given any anti-psychotics up to now. The consultant did at one point say she would consider them as an absolute last resort, but would make no promises that she would ever prescribe them, and since then my dad has gone off that idea anyway after watching a damning programme on the telly. Yet obviously, happily, they do work for some people. I hope that helps?
Wobbly, you hit the nail on the head. So, so difficult. My parents are good people and do not remotely deserve what's happening to them ... but who does, eh?
By the way, dad has spoken to the manager of the day centre and she has assured him that this ban need not be permanent. If mam's aggression can be calmed, they would be happy to try again.
Also, the place where mam is currently in respite does offer day care too, so if dad is happy with how mam has been whilst there, then that's another possibility too. So all is not lost.
Love and hugs to you all.
Just an update.
We requested a meeting with the consultant and ended up with the whole team in the room.
We explained that we appreciated that the lady in question would most likely need to move into a home, but to give her a last chance of going home we wanted to try a working antipsychotic, and that risperidone seemed to be the most appropriate choice. We cited this thread, while saying we realised that we were dealing with vascular dementia, not Alzheimer's.
The meeting agreed a trial of a low dose of 0.25mg twice a day, in view of the possible side effects - unsteadiness on feet being the most danger to the patient.
Two days later we had a morning phone call to say the patient had been moved to the local A&E with suspected pneumonia.
The patient's daughter immediately started blaming herself for moving her Mum onto risperidone. I recommended finding out whether the medication had yet been started, before going on a guilt trip.
It turned out that it had not, so the high temperature and pneumonia are probably a sign that the dementia is moving on.
The lady is still in an acute ward at the hospital and I think she has started to give up as she has pretty much stopped eating. Care and watchfulness by ward staff leaves something to be desired, for all 6 patients in the ward, most of whom are confused. It is an acute respiratory ward.
Anyway, the lesson is to ensure you have all the facts before assuming anything! I learned that a few years ago, and have now passed it on.....
We requested a meeting with the consultant and ended up with the whole team in the room.
We explained that we appreciated that the lady in question would most likely need to move into a home, but to give her a last chance of going home we wanted to try a working antipsychotic, and that risperidone seemed to be the most appropriate choice. We cited this thread, while saying we realised that we were dealing with vascular dementia, not Alzheimer's.
The meeting agreed a trial of a low dose of 0.25mg twice a day, in view of the possible side effects - unsteadiness on feet being the most danger to the patient.
Two days later we had a morning phone call to say the patient had been moved to the local A&E with suspected pneumonia.
The patient's daughter immediately started blaming herself for moving her Mum onto risperidone. I recommended finding out whether the medication had yet been started, before going on a guilt trip.
It turned out that it had not, so the high temperature and pneumonia are probably a sign that the dementia is moving on.
The lady is still in an acute ward at the hospital and I think she has started to give up as she has pretty much stopped eating. Care and watchfulness by ward staff leaves something to be desired, for all 6 patients in the ward, most of whom are confused. It is an acute respiratory ward.
Anyway, the lesson is to ensure you have all the facts before assuming anything! I learned that a few years ago, and have now passed it on.....
Update
The manager of the day centre wanted to try again to have mam for a session, so dad managed to get her there late Friday morning (a miracle in itself, as usually it's late afternoon before he can even get her dressed).
Things seemed to go reasonably well, so hopefully mam will be able to start going regularly again.
Fingers crossed, and I'll keep you posted.
The manager of the day centre wanted to try again to have mam for a session, so dad managed to get her there late Friday morning (a miracle in itself, as usually it's late afternoon before he can even get her dressed).
Things seemed to go reasonably well, so hopefully mam will be able to start going regularly again.
Fingers crossed, and I'll keep you posted.
