So after being coerced into doing the 30 minute with mum at her care home last week by the home itself, I obviously wish I hadn’t gone.
It has taken me roughly a week to calm down and process everything that she said and it’s made me feel terrible, I felt terrible anyway, so what was the point?
Typical me to be pushed into things I don’t want to do or not happy with it and I never seem to learn.
I am as confused as ever with this disease and it’s obvious I just don’t “get it”.
We have her house to sort out which again I am finding really hard while she is still with us and is even more convinced she is going home and if we make her stay there , she will kill her self and we will have to live with that until we die because that is the awful children she had..... her words... and the guilt will haunt us forever how we ruined her life..... no smile no hello no I am pleased to see you.... nothing .... why have you dumped me here, you’re cruel and wicked.... and so it went on...., part of what she said was more hurtful than some and that is when she said she will kill herself, I know she can’t, but our dad took his own life, it’s left a mark on this whole family , strange as it seems as it happened 50 years ago. But it’s stayed with us... a bit like the chain around Jacob Marley in Scrooge. This over bearing weight we have dragged with us and it never goes away, She has always threatened this during our lives, and I think to a degree we brush it off, but it’s hurtful when one parent has already done that for the other to throw this in your face your whole life and is still doing it now with dementia.... This woman is seriously messing with my head. Sorry to be back here just moaning AGAIN... ??
It has taken me roughly a week to calm down and process everything that she said and it’s made me feel terrible, I felt terrible anyway, so what was the point?
Typical me to be pushed into things I don’t want to do or not happy with it and I never seem to learn.
I am as confused as ever with this disease and it’s obvious I just don’t “get it”.
We have her house to sort out which again I am finding really hard while she is still with us and is even more convinced she is going home and if we make her stay there , she will kill her self and we will have to live with that until we die because that is the awful children she had..... her words... and the guilt will haunt us forever how we ruined her life..... no smile no hello no I am pleased to see you.... nothing .... why have you dumped me here, you’re cruel and wicked.... and so it went on...., part of what she said was more hurtful than some and that is when she said she will kill herself, I know she can’t, but our dad took his own life, it’s left a mark on this whole family , strange as it seems as it happened 50 years ago. But it’s stayed with us... a bit like the chain around Jacob Marley in Scrooge. This over bearing weight we have dragged with us and it never goes away, She has always threatened this during our lives, and I think to a degree we brush it off, but it’s hurtful when one parent has already done that for the other to throw this in your face your whole life and is still doing it now with dementia.... This woman is seriously messing with my head. Sorry to be back here just moaning AGAIN... ??
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