At the end of my tether...

[Beate]

Good. In my opinion it's always better to tackle these things head on, but then I am naturally contrary! If you feel you cannot cope with the pressure from hospital, have you considered an advocate? Someone from your local Alzheimer's Society or Carers Centre might be able to speak with them in your name. You could try contacting them on Monday?

 

[Bunpoots]

Good thought. Thanks @Beate. I'll probably be ok once I'm in my stride. Just so shocked this morning to receive a phone call 17hrs after being taken in by ambulance telling me they want him out again. And this after I had to deal with phone calls in the early hours of Friday morning 1.15am telling me they were sending an ambulance to his bungalow as they were not satisfied he a was safe home alone .

I could hear them knocking on his bedroom window asking if he was alright. Enough to give him a heart attack!!!

Blaady fools!!!

 

[Beate]

And by having him parked in A&E for 17 hours they were satisfied he's alright at home? Huh?

Honestly, A&E is no place for a PWD. No one has time, you're just shoved into a corner without food or drink until it's your turn. 17 hours is ridiculous. I once spent 7 hellish hours with John there, and again, I'm not blaming the staff, but without me he would have been totally forgotten about in there. I once went to A&E on my own and they put me on a trolley and pulled the curtains. I fell asleep until the next morning. I have no idea whether anyone checked that I was still alive!

 

[love.dad.but..]

I'll leave the phone on then and tell them very firmly that they have a duty of care to a vulnerable adult and I can't cope with his current level of needs. Any other illness and they wouldn't expect us to

I agree that is probably better than trying to avoid...tackle head on...be very vocal about their/SS/Emergency Mental Health Team responsibility to an extremely vulnerable adult...but be very very firm...how terrible for you both. It is clear he should not be at home alone and a care package is not adequate to meet his changed needs. Good luck

 

[Amy in the US]

Bunpoots, I'm so sorry for you and your dad, and like others, I'm appalled (but not surprised) by what is happening.

You are not being mean, cruel, unkind, a bad person, or a bad daughter. I appreciate you may well feel that way but you haven't done anything wrong.

Please do stand firm and refuse the discharge. I know it's much easier said than done, and I'm sorry I haven't better advice.

Please have some ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) for your hug bank. We are here for you and we are on your team.

 

[Bunpoots]

Thanks @Amy in the US

 

[Bunpoots]

My sister phoned last night and she going to make some time to come over and help me sort things out so I'm relieved about that. I've identified 4 EMI care homes locally that might be suitable for dad so I'll have to visit them asap.

Unfortunately my knee has decided to play up again this morning so I'm hobbling. I've asked my brother if he could visit dad today so I can try to rest my knee as the chiropractor told me to but apparently he's busy with his boat...

 

[Rolypoly]

Good to see your sister is helping, after all you shouldn’t have to be making these choices on your own, as for your brother, I’ll just say “priorities” and sounds like someone I know.

Hope one of the homes is the one.

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry Bunpoots, I'm not sure what the hospital is doing. My OH had a failed discharge about 5 years ago and the local carer support centre sent an advocate to help. That did bring some more input from the consultant on the second discharge, so I would back what Beate says and call them tomorrow. You and your dad really don't need the stress of A and E either.

 

[Amy in the US]

If you need to stay home and rest your knee, and the rest of you, do it. You are no use to your dad, or anyone else (including yourself) if you are exhausted and in pain and not functioning.

I think so often as carers, we get ill or exhausted or have problems when our PWDs are in hospital, respite, or go into a care home. It's as if our bodies now have the time to let down a bit and they do!

I'm sorry your brother is still unhelpful, but glad to hear your sister sounds supportive.

I know how awful it is to have your PWD in hospital, it's so stressful, and I'm so sorry.

 

[Bunpoots]

Thanks guys. I will be contacting the local Alzheimer's soc. Tomorrow. I've also been advised to try edas - which turned out to be the local adult community services integrated care team. This was suggest by my daughter's friend who works at the hospital.

 

[Amy in the US]

That sounds a very good idea and I hope, hope, hope you get in touch with someone helpful!

 

[love.dad.but..]

Brother..hmm! We can all find things we would rather be doing.
Sister..hurrah..you need some support.
I hope tomorrow brings a bit more of a resolution

 

[Bunpoots]

I phoned the local Alzheimer's Soc. this morning and have been advised to sit tight, wait for hospital to make the next move and be prepared to fight for my dad (taking my POA with me)

I'm pleased to say that the care home I've got at the top of the list for dad was one the lady agreed was a good choice. And also the others on the list. She gave me the same advise as I've read on here about viewing care homes.

I've been to the chiropractor again so walking a bit easier - so the plan now is to have some lunch and then visit home number one on my list.

My sister's coming tomorrow

 

[Angela57]

I hope your knee remains easier for you and improves each day Bunpoots, fingers crossed!

Don't be scared to ask plenty of questions at the home, make sure to have a good look around too. I hope you haven't made an appointment and a are going at a busy time, when it's busy is when you see the worst in a home. If I'm giving advise that you've all ready had, apologies. Recommendations are always a good option to look at first.

Good luck to both you, your dad and your sister.

Ang

 

[Rolypoly]

You sound a lot brighter today, not having to shoulder the responsibilities alone does help. That, and walking being easier. Good luck with the search.

 

[Amy in the US]

Sending good thoughts for you today. I know this isn't easy. Have some ((((hugs)))) just in case!

 

[love.dad.but..]

Good luck with the rest of the day...knee/back, visiting the home and dealing with the hospital

 

[Bunpoots]

Thanks guys

I haven't made an appointment. The manager who I spoke to a couple of weeks ago advised me never to make an appointment as I need to see homes "warts and all". I like her already!!

I did ask if they have a waiting list and they don't so I hope that means they have a spare room. I've read user reviews for this home and they're all very positive. It's in a rough area of town but no rougher than the area my dad was born in. I used to live near there before I went all posh . Mostly nice people with a few characters thrown in for good measure!

If I think it's ok I'll take sis for a look tomorrow.

 

[Rolypoly]

Even if it’s the bees knees, look at all the homes on your list and put in order of preference, just in case.