1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Asian Families and Dementia

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by sweetmole, Dec 29, 2012.

  1. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,293
    SW London
    Yes, it was all too easy to have someone put away in those days. Wilkie Collins' book 'The Woman In White' was all about inconvenient women being locked up in asylums, either because they 'knew something' or because the husband wanted to get his hands on a wife's money. It caused a massive sensation when it came out, sold vast numbers, has never been out of print and is still a pretty riveting read.
     
  2. forgottenmyname

    forgottenmyname Registered User

    Dec 28, 2012
    2
    Thanks colinberry1

    Thanks a lot colinberry for your advise. Really great help to me. I agree that my aunt is the only one that stepped forward. But that doesnt give her any right to mistreat my mum or me. Specially I didn't ask her for any help at all. For some reasons that I had yet to discover and they will come out to light in the future(I am sure) She's just appeared out of the blue. I do really appreciate help from anyone close to mum, that seems honest and humble. But this is not the case with my aunt. I am not happy at all with the situation as it is. I want the best for my mum. When I say the best I mean. Serenity and peace. And lots of love. I am learning a lot in this forum. Trying to gather as much information as I can to help my mum. The isolation doesn't help as you said in your message and talked dearly about your wife. We have to include them in every aspect of our lives. Even if that means fighting prejudices and ignorance towards this illness. About my mum coming to UK. That's not a choice for us. Even tho she's got the legal right to stay for longer periods of time with us and visit as many times as she wants. She has only visited me in UK once, many years ago. She loved it! But my mum is too attached to her home and country. It will completely kill her to live elsewhere. If anything. I am the one that has to move there to look after her. Happy to do so. But I need to get ready and prepared. It wont happen overnight. I stopped crying now. Thanks God for that! I am acting upon this with all my strength. By learning and reading and talking to people about it. Incredibly there are lots of people in similar situations in UK that can help in many ways. So I am in the right place. I would never, ever, give up on my mother. Its not about duty or sacrifice(I've got a brother that doesnt care) For me its about love. I love my mum so much. For the moment the majority of Cuban Citizens dont have acces to the Internet, so they dont know what's going on inside or outside Cuba, most of the time. You find out about news by words of mouth. If you are lucky enough. That's why the Regime hasnt changed for ages(54 years). Its the perfect and most represive form of ruling. Keep them blind and they wont see. Keep the deaf and they wont hear. Keep the scared and they wont talk. Ok all the best for the future. Lets keep these talks alive! Thanks again for your time.


     
  3. sweetmole

    sweetmole Registered User

    Sep 8, 2012
    165
    Hello
    I am glad to see stories that everyone has shared.

    It is very sad how communities react or don't react. Everynight I shed a few tears at the lack of community support.

    I went to my corner shop recently and the guy was asking what was wrong with my mum and I told him. Then he went on to say yes I do understand but my customers don't. Your mum comes in here and wants to touch the children. It may upset my customers.

    I just didn't know what to say. We have lived here since 1985 and have used that shop since then albeit new owners. What do you do. What do you say?

    I was hacked off really
     
  4. Superwoman!Not!

    Superwoman!Not! Registered User

    Jan 30, 2015
    1
    London
    Hi sweetmole,

    I am also Sikh and care for my mum who has early onset Alzheimer's and she is only 61!
    Yes the Indian community are not accepting of any mental health illness. They refer to these illnesses as madness! My mum has lost all her so called friends and family are only concerned from afar. My own brother has decided thT he can not deal with mum and has stayed away for the last 6 months. My mum was diagnosed 2 and half years ago and is declining too rapidly. It took 1 and a half years to get the diagnosis. Because of her young age, it was thought that she had depression. I did not give up and insisted that her memory was failing her and made sure all tests where done. That in itself was hard as my mum didn't understand all the questions and they got a translator ( which delayed the process) and finally we got there. I look after my mum at him with my dad and other brother with my toddler. My mums family are in another country and did not accept her illness. My dad took her over there and because there are days where she seems fine they thought she will get better. My dad is very good and tells everyone that she has Alzheimer's and tells them how tough it can be. As do I.
    My frustration at the moment is there are no places that I can take my mum where she can sit and talk to other Asian ladies. My mum is traditional and don't want to do puzzles and crosswords. She was a housewife and liked to cook, clean and take care of her family. I want to get fellow Asians together to form a group and perhaps open our own day centre. Since my mums diagnosis, people have been more open to talk to my dad about their own experiences with Alzheimer's and my dad has realised that this illness is common in our culture but never talked about.
    We need to talk about it and I have a Facebook page where I write about my mum.
    I am here if you ever need to talk and/or need advice.
    Sorry I may have gone on a bit.
     
  5. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,085
    Brazil
    If your mother goes shopping with someone I would print a card saying
    " mother has serious non transmissible neurological disease. If she disturbed you I apologise. "
    On pocket, then if you noticed that someone become distressed, or before, give the card.

    Btw, I live on Brazil, I just asked the most gossip people of neighbourhood to spread the news. "Neurological disease" and " bully daughter will turn your life in hell if you do anything bad to her mother". And I keep always someone with mom. She complained about lost of freedom but she enjoyed company.
     
  6. keegan2

    keegan2 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    190
    Hi, I am sikh and my O/H has alzheimer's. I know what you are all saying about asian ignorance. When I took O/H to India his own mother said I should give him more milk it would make his memory better. She never rings to find out how he is nor do other family members from back home (mind you it might have something to do with me not sending any money back home for them, my needs are now greater than theirs now. Also I have no time for anyone who has none for us).
     
  7. Earthangel

    Earthangel Registered User

    Feb 8, 2014
    14
    South Yorkshire
    :)Hi, Unfortunately, I think your religion, creed etc.... doesn't make any difference. For years people are so unaccepting of Mental Illnesses and treat people as second class citizens. Mum was a devoted church going person, was church of England, but high church, our priest doesn't belief in woman priests, so gone Catholic. Mum can't understand why no one speaks to her, sniggers behind her back and no one offers to come and visit her, or take her to church. Even the Church Wardens behaviour was disgusting. Basically, people are ignorant of dementia and until you have looked after someone with dementia, I think we are ignorant too..... Just done the Dementia Friends course, recommend to everyone, should be taught to children as well.
     
  8. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,478
    Ireland
    Br_Ana - I like your style! :D
     

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