Hi, I've posted a few times but at a crossroad now. Dad has VD, in a care home for 12 months with many ups and downs. He has been very depressed and sleeps all the time, he is very compliant. He has severe anxiety and is in tears when we visit a lot of the time. The home staff keep saying he chats to them and other residents at mealtimes and is jolly. I visited a couple of days ago and he had a look of terror on his face and even when I spoke his terror expression remained, he then slumped on the bed crying saying he was desperate and scared all the time. The doc has recently increased his antidepressants to combat the anxiety. My question is, do we reduce visits to a bear minimum, as he seems to be at his worst when we are there. Are we the cause of his distress because we remind him of his previous life. My sister and I visit every other day as we want to keep a check on his personal care as the home don't do it. It breaks my heart, to see him so distressed. Leeds x
Are we making dad worse
- Thread starter Leeds
- Start date
My husband was tormented beyond belief and very frightened. I could never take this away. He would have moments of calmness but the torment was never far away. Crying was also a common piece of behaviour, he could give no reason for the tears. Our doctor prescribed anti depressants and they did take the edge of his sad feelings but never removed them.
If you feel it would be better to visit less then try and see if it improves. when my husband entered his nursing home I visited every other day but then decided every day to see if that helped. I like to think it did but it may have been the advancement of the disease that took away the memory of him having Alzheimer's and his fears for his future. It's not easy is it?
If you feel it would be better to visit less then try and see if it improves. when my husband entered his nursing home I visited every other day but then decided every day to see if that helped. I like to think it did but it may have been the advancement of the disease that took away the memory of him having Alzheimer's and his fears for his future. It's not easy is it?
Thank you for your response, it helps knowing others understand, dad is terrified about his future and what is going to happen to him. It would be easier for him if he was unaware, does this happen and when? X
Leeds no two people are the same I can only relate my husband's journey.
He was diagnosed at 62 though we knew things were not right several years before but put it down to stress and overworking.
He was at home with me as his sole carer for 7years. He was admitted to an assessment unit because of his self distruct behaviour. Medication was altered but nothing stronger was given and he moved to a nursing home specialising in challenging behaviour with 1:1 care. He certainly left the assessment unit less tormented but he still understood he had Alzheimer's.
He was in the nursing home for 4 years and I would say he had been there for about 18 months when he began to talk less about what Alzheimer's was taking from him. Then he was completely in his private world of dementia which I entered every day when I went through the front door only to return to our world when I got home. Some days it was better in his world than ours
it certainly is easier when they are no longer aware of their condition.
He was diagnosed at 62 though we knew things were not right several years before but put it down to stress and overworking.
He was at home with me as his sole carer for 7years. He was admitted to an assessment unit because of his self distruct behaviour. Medication was altered but nothing stronger was given and he moved to a nursing home specialising in challenging behaviour with 1:1 care. He certainly left the assessment unit less tormented but he still understood he had Alzheimer's.
He was in the nursing home for 4 years and I would say he had been there for about 18 months when he began to talk less about what Alzheimer's was taking from him. Then he was completely in his private world of dementia which I entered every day when I went through the front door only to return to our world when I got home. Some days it was better in his world than ours
it certainly is easier when they are no longer aware of their condition.Thank you for sharing your experience. It would be so much better for dad if he was unaware of what was happening to him. I wouldn't mind that he did not recognise us, I just want him to have some peace from his terrors. It is a constant battle with the doctors and health profession, to be proactive with any medication. It almost feels like because he is old and has dementia it doesn't matter if he is suffering. XLeeds no two people are the same I can only relate my husband's journey.
He was diagnosed at 62 though we knew things were not right several years before but put it down to stress and overworking.
He was at home with me as his sole carer for 7years. He was admitted to an assessment unit because of his self distruct behaviour. Medication was altered but nothing stronger was given and he moved to a nursing home specialising in challenging behaviour with 1:1 care. He certainly left the assessment unit less tormented but he still understood he had Alzheimer's.
He was in the nursing home for 4 years and I would say he had been there for about 18 months when he began to talk less about what Alzheimer's was taking from him. Then he was completely in his private world of dementia which I entered every day when I went through the front door only to return to our world when I got home. Some days it was better in his world than ours
I hope your Father soon gets to feel more settled and less tortured by this horrid disease, sadly to reach that point means less of him is there.
Take care.
