Are these symptoms?

[BettyB15]

Hi, I am reading many posts with interest in relation to my 80YO mother whom I have been living with for 12 weeks whilst i wait for a house to complete. Its been a very challenging time; and quite a few tears shared in regard to her behaviours which I have never seen before and there is very little escape from as i wfh mostly (which has been difficult in itself).

Mum is very aggressive verbally - normally there is a "danger" time just after she has had her dinner at 5pm. Its almost like she is a different person now - rude, aggressive, cynical, a few threats of being hit around the head for something very simple such as a light not being put on or warming the oven. I now try and shut conversations down if I know they are heading in the wrong direction.

What I have particularly noticed is the verbal repetition when she is moving around the house or doing small jobs - "oh dear" "Give me strength" "oh oh", "oh god, "god help me", "I have no idea". In a few minutes, these words can be said 50-60 times, over and over - this morning they started at 4.30am when she woke up for the loo. I am not sure if she is self soothing or if its something else. Prior to the cycle of words, she used to make mouth clicking noises but these have stopped. She has also become obsessed with a local high profile murder trial and is then frustrated when others don't share the same level of interest - trying to speak to the GP surgery staff about it etc. This past week she has made a number of unnecessary calls to 999. All this being said, if my brother calls or family and friends - she appears a different person - jolly and interested. In terms of health, she has been poorly with leg ulcers but these are being maintained - she is however very infirm and there have been a couple of recent falls.

I feel awful writing this because she is my mum but these behaviours.. its very much like walking on eggshells and living with her in the short term - there hasn't been any escape. My grandmother had vascular dementia but she presented very differently to my mum. Has anyone else experienced similar? Could these be early symptoms of an issue. Thank you for reading.

 

[Kevinl]

Well don't feel awful, we're all here to listen and help if we can.
Early evening behaviour issues are called sundowning, look it up on here, you'll find it's quite common.
Hostess mode is the name for people suddenly presenting differently when other people are around, have a read around on those and you'll find they are classic symptoms.
Hope that helps, that and hello and welcome. K

 

[yoy]

It's possible they are symptoms, they sound very familiar to me. Has she seen a GP at all about any of this? If not it would be worth taking her. But be prepared for her telling the doctor there is nothing wrong with her. If you think she wouldn't let you go with her, or you would find it difficult to raise these issues in front of her, many people on here have found it useful to write to her GP listing all your concerns before hand so they have these things on record. Some people have had great GP's who have played along and invited the pwd to a "check-up" 😉😉 of some sort in order to get them to go. If the GP agrees they can refer her to the memory clinic for further tests.
Just in case - do you have LPA for your mum? If not start the process quickly if she has the capacity to agree to it. If will make it much easier to take over everything for her when it becomes necessary.

 

[BettyB15]

thank you

Well don't feel awful, we're all here to listen and help if we can.
Early evening behaviour issues are called sundowning, look it up on here, you'll find it's quite common.
Hostess mode is the name for people suddenly presenting differently when other people are around, have a read around on those and you'll find they are classic symptoms.
Hope that helps, that and hello and welcome. K

Thank you Kevin - blimey, yes both terms - my mum is mirroring those behaviours.

 

[BettyB15]

It's possible they are symptoms, they sound very familiar to me. Has she seen a GP at all about any of this? If not it would be worth taking her. But be prepared for her telling the doctor there is nothing wrong with her. If you think she wouldn't let you go with her, or you would find it difficult to raise these issues in front of her, many people on here have found it useful to write to her GP listing all your concerns before hand so they have these things on record. Some people have had great GP's who have played along and invited the pwd to a "check-up" 😉😉 of some sort in order to get them to go. If the GP agrees they can refer her to the memory clinic for further tests.
Just in case - do you have LPA for your mum? If not start the process quickly if she has the capacity to agree to it. If will make it much easier to take over everything for her when it becomes necessary.

Thank you very much. I am definitely going to be looking at LPA. thank you

 

[JoannePat]

Hi Betty,

I always feel guilty of jumping on someones thread and just agreeing with the above! But I wholly agree with everyone.

I am in my second cycle of dementia. First mum (who has passed) and now dad.

I have witnessed hostessing like you would never believe! The sundowning is not nice to deal with as we never know what we are going to get.

Try and get the GP appointment, they will run other tests too, depending on how often she goes.

Take care,

Jxx

 

[Kevinl]

Thank you very much. I am definitely going to be looking at LPA. thank you

Get it done asap, once someone is defined as lacking capacity it can be a nightmare if you haven't got and registered an LPoA.
Health and welfare is one, legal an financial is another, locally a legal firm is offering to do a PoA for £225 plus vat and their as quotes £300 to £500 as the average cost whether that is for both types or each it doesn't say.
Health and welfare wasn't too much of an issue for me, as next of kin to my wife her husband of over 40 years fairly clear cut relationship, same with my mum, only surviving child UK resident, so deal with me or...what the option.
Legal and financial is a whole different thing especially if you're not an only child can be a nightmare. Sooner the better. K

 

[yoy]

We didn't use a solicitor for the LPA's, you can do it yourself for £82 each - have a look at the .gov site. Just make sure you read and fully understand all the notes first so that you complete it correctly - if they find any errors they will return it to you to be corrected which would mean paying the fee again. Just be thorough.

 

[BettyB15]

Get it done asap, once someone is defined as lacking capacity it can be a nightmare if you haven't got and registered an LPoA.
Health and welfare is one, legal an financial is another, locally a legal firm is offering to do a PoA for £225 plus vat and their as quotes £300 to £500 as the average cost whether that is for both types or each it doesn't say.
Health and welfare wasn't too much of an issue for me, as next of kin to my wife her husband of over 40 years fairly clear cut relationship, same with my mum, only surviving child UK resident, so deal with me or...what the option.
Legal and financial is a whole different thing especially if you're not an only child can be a nightmare. Sooner the better. K

Thank you will do. I have a brother in the US and I have said we have to sort this jointly and quickly.

 

[BettyB15]

We didn't use a solicitor for the LPA's, you can do it yourself for £82 each - have a look at the .gov site. Just make sure you read and fully understand all the notes first so that you complete it correctly - if they find any errors they will return it to you to be corrected which would mean paying the fee again. Just be thorough.

Thank you very helpful. So much help on here and just clarity on issues that I have to'd and fro'd about. thanks again

 

[Kevinl]

Holding an LPoA or as a none uk resident might be a problem, brother in the USA . Probably not, I think doesn't a PoA have to be UK resident. K

 

[jugglingmum]

I don't think need to be UK to be an attorney.

My MIL is in Scotland and husband's sister is in USA. She is on MILs LPA which is registered.

Practically banks might be an issue so best if uk resident can deal with these once LPA is registered.

MILs LPA hasn't been used yet so I don't know as OH would rather his sister dealt with everything (childhood issues).