Appropriate care for mum

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by towergirl3, Nov 16, 2019.

  1. towergirl3

    towergirl3 Registered User

    Oct 6, 2016
    IBoth my parents have a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, dad isn’t too bad but unfortunately mum is now in the later stages of dementia. As I promised them I have kept them together in their own home with the support of a private care company, unfortunately mum became unwell with an infection and was admitted to hospital for two weeks. When discharged she returned home and we got sit in carers overnight to care for her as she wanders around most of the night. Up until her spell in hospital mum managed to keep herself relatively clean and incontinence wasn’t a huge concern. Mum has always refused any help with personal care from anyone. It became obvious that even with extra care she wasn’t managing at home and it wasn’t fair on my father as he isn’t in the best health either. The decision was made to put her in respite for a couple weeks, as they are self funded we basically had to find and sort this. She was taken to a home specialising in dementia, obviously unsettled but no more than at home. She became very agitated, pacing and they called the dr out as she appeared to be in some discomfort., I managed to get her to the toilet and got a sample which was positive for water infection. The staff phoned yesterday to say she is refusing to take her medicine, refusing all personal care , has been violent ? Towards other residents and they don’t feel they can meet her needs. They said I need to find a emi nursing home, they said she can stay a week but we then need to move her. Has anyone been in this situation? Just welcome any advice or suggestions, I am devastated that she had to go into residential care as it is but now I am really struggling. The lack of help and support, particularly when they are self funded is disgusting. I have been considering 24 hour care at home but don’t really know if this is enough, What can be done when they refuse and help with personal care?
    I hate dementia :(

    Any advice welcome

  2. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    Behaviour tends to deteriorate when infections are present, and if she won't take her tablets then I guess she still has the infection, and that is exacerbating the aggression and refusal of personal care. If that is the case, the priority is to get her to take the antibiotics. As she is refusing, they need to contact the GP for authorisation to do it covertly (crushed up in food, or in liquid form). This should all be par for a the course for a dementia care home, but unfortunately not all dementia care homes are equal, some only like 'easy' residents.

    If they are not prepared/able to deal with her behaviours, it is not the right place for her, but you will be able to find another care home which is. When you look for a new care home be completely honest about her behaviour and ask how they would deal with it, and what they would not tolerate. You could bring her home with 24 hour care, but if she exhibits aggression to carers the agency may be reluctant to send anyone out. If she remains aggressive it is more likely a care home would be set up to deal with it better.

    However once she has the right care, and is clear of infections, she may settle down and become calmer.
  3. Grable

    Grable Registered User

    May 19, 2015
    My cousin found herself in the same position as you with her father. She enlisted the help of her GP when this happened, and I think her father's increased needs led to him getting his care paid for, although I'm not totally sure of that.
    Good luck! Do let us know how you get on.
  4. towergirl3

    towergirl3 Registered User

    Oct 6, 2016
    Thankyou, I will let you know the outcome
  5. towergirl3

    towergirl3 Registered User

    Oct 6, 2016
    Thanks for your advice, hopefully everything will be sorted soon, the uncertainty makes everything so much more difficult
  6. leslyz

    leslyz Registered User

    Oct 24, 2015
    Hi towergirl,
    yes I agree with the advice of other commenters on this forum, it seems very harsh that the care home judged your mum so quickly when it was obviously a UTI that caused the problem. Residential care homes should be able to manage this as its quite a common condition, but as Sirena says, that particular home is unfortunately not the home for your mum as they clearly are not confident to deal with the situation or contact the gp for advice about supporting your mum in taking the medication.. have you contacted social services? your mum is entitled to a needs assessment and in fact you are entitled to an assessment as a carer, especially in the situation you are in looking after both parents. Even if your mum is self funding she is entitled to this and in fact I'd say give adult SS a call to explain this difficult situation you find yourself in and what you are trying to do to resolve it. also stress the strain this is causing on you and your father as well as they will want to intercept sooner than later to prevent a crisis. This was my way in with mum a year or so ago, things were so difficult and being a distant carer I wasn't sure what was going on, then as she became more unwell with the odd fall here and there and with her needs increasing at home SS did eventually get involved. it took a while and sometimes the initial admin response fobbed me off a bit with saying she was self funding but just remember, even if they say she's over the threshold, you are absolutely entitled to an assessment and advice.
    Sorry if I'm way off the mark as you may be further down the line with all this and have done it already but just in case. Hope this helps, you are doing a great job.
    Good luck and let us know how you get on.

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