Any other´s person afected lives in a messy house ?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by manArgentina, Oct 14, 2019.

  1. manArgentina

    manArgentina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2019
    Mendoza, Argentina
    Dont know if I made the sentence of the tittle right, Im dealing with it.

    I mean, if any one here "have" a person affected who lives in a messy house.

    I went to visit my mother today, and its always the same, the kitchen is a mess, the floor is all dirty, black on the corneres, so dirty, its hard to clean because all the things around the kitchen, boxes, rags, bottles. The kitchen table is always full, its not a good place.

    And now my mother been looking in google for "home made" clenars to clean wood furniture, and the furniture looks worse, more dirty, and now she talking about mix vegetable oil with coffee (seems google says that), and its clear its going to look bad, this is just tiny thing, just a "color" thing, but the floor looks so dirty, alld the time crumbles everywhere, cigaretes.

    Any other deals with this while going to visit ?

    Please dont give me advice or any of that, or things i should do, im just looking for other people who deals with the same only, just to find some vent/relief talking about this problem.
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello @manArgentina

    One of the important skills many people with dementia lose is the skill of organisation which may explain why your mother`s house is such a mess.

    My mother`s house was a mess too so I know how difficult it will be for you to visit. I got a cleaner for my mother but she complained she wasn`t doing the job properly and got rid of her.

    When my husband was at home with me, I was always cleaning up after him so the house was better cared for.

    It`s not pleasant I know but even if your mother wanted to tidy things away she might not remember the right places to put them in.

    My husband used to leave all his shoes by the side of the bed because he couldn`t find them when they were in his wardrobe.
  3. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    Dad's house was always spotless all through his dementia, it has suffered a little since his hospital stay because now I try to keep it clean amongst everything else..

    My own home is a complete mess and I feel embarrassed about it but I am rarely there so it doesn't really matter. I will catch up on it one day.
  4. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    My Dad 82 has mild mixed dementia and lives behind me.
    My Mum has been in care for 3 yrs with Alzheimers.
    My divorced brother lives with him, but due to his job can be gone anywhere from 5am to 10pm.
    Weekends he visits his children.
    My brother mainly cleans the toilet & bathroom, mops the kitchen floor & wipes the kitchen bench and stove when he can, but overall the house is a mess.

    Its tricky. Dad will not have a cleaner in or any strangers for that matter. He only goes out once a week to his sports club, and otherwise refuses to go to any senior citizens club or daycare.

    Every now and then my sister and I do a big clean. Dad moans and groans about it.

    Earlier this year he had a flea problem. We had to get pest control in and all the carpets cleaned.
    As few weeks back Dad forgot something cooking in his oven which caught fire. His oven was a complete mess, and we had to get a commercial cleaner in.
    Weve had to get all his window latches replaced as Dad has broken them trying to “fix” them.
    Im on holiday so I took him out for a few hours so my sister arranged cleaners to clean all the walls & ceilings, while she did a general cleanup.
    We have gardners coming in next week as the weeds are sky high.
    Dads been waiting for fine weather to get out in the garden, he says.
    Its been a year :rolleyes:

    Its never ending.
  5. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    My mum is similar, she hasn't been diagnosed yet but has been showing signs of some sort of memory problems/dementia for the last couple of years.
    She has always been a BIG cleaner, very clean and tidy in her appearance and hates people who aren't. About six months ago she started forgetting when she had done her cleaning jobs and would sometimes do them again the next day, but then about three months ago she more or less gave up doing anything other than doing her washing and she also started to wear clothes for longer than she normally would and wearing clothes she used to only wear around the house out of the house.
    She had been unwell with constipation and diarrohea which is something she has suffered with for years but about 3 months ago had a bad bout and that was when she stopped doing things. At first I put it down to her not feeling up to it and she wasn't going out much, only occasionally to our house if we picked her up, so I thought that was why she didn't bother getting changed to go out. I was visiting her almost every day and I noticed she was wearing things for days so I mentioned it which she was upset about and had a go at me but then said it was embarrassing and she wanted me to tell her when she did it. She has got a bit better at that but still forgets and wears things again and again sometimes and gets annoyed when I tell her.
    I offer to do jobs round the house for her while I'm visiting but she mainly says no 'I can do it myself, I don't need you to do it, I'll do it tomorrow' but then doesn't. She has let me help her change her bed a few times and hoover and dust twice and she did it once but that's it in 3 months. I wipe the kitchen over when I wash up during visits and she does do that herself sometimes but I think the bathroom has only been cleaned once in the last couple of months and that was weeks ago. Last week while telling me how depressed she was she told me she knew she didn't do her cleaning anymore but she didn't care because nobody saw it and she had done it for years and it had got her nowhere.
    She has lost a lot of weight because she barely eats since that bout of constipation a few months ago so her clothes sort of hang on her. She missed her last hair appointment in July because she had an upset tummy due to being worried about going for her hair cut even though I had gone over to go with her. Despite sometimes mentioning it she won't make another appointment to have it cut. So she hasn't had her hair cut since early June apart from me trimming her fringe and she does nothing with it except a quick brush and a hurried blow dry when she washes it.
    She doesn't look horrendous but she doesn't look like my mum who was always tidy when she left the house. I know that before this would have upset her before, as would the house not being spick and span and I confess it upsets me too.
  6. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    My husband has become very messy in the last couple of years. I find it hard to keep things in a reasonable condition as he spills things over the floor, down the cupboard doors, bench tops etc. and I get pretty sick of having to constantly clean up after him.

    He opens cupboard doors with food on his hands and then wipes his hands on a tea towel and I couldn't begin to tell you about how cranky he gets when I tell him to change his tea stained shirts and track pants.

    He really doesn't see the mess and I would hate to think what the place would look like without me to clean up after him. It must be horrible to see how things are for your mum and how it must affect you.
  7. manArgentina

    manArgentina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2019
    Mendoza, Argentina
    Yes. The sink is always dirty, full of things, I can clean it all, and just in couple of days be dirty again. Theres a lot to clean on the floor. The top of the oven is always dirty too. And theres a small table which is full of ashtrays with cigaretes ashes, a thing that i hate a lot. and trash, and again if I clean it, going to be dirty at the couple days.he

    Theres a dog that makes his wastes in the garage, yesterday went there and the smell is so strong.

    My mother been spending money in some furniture, and not repairing a lick that is ruining the ceiling, things with the furniture went bad and the other she said "now im tired of spending, so the roof... who knows what going to happen with that...".
  8. Champers

    Champers Registered User

    Jan 3, 2019
    My mother was always pretty clean but she started a phase where she kept using the same tea cloths that were so bad it wasn’t even worth washing them. I bought new ones but when I visited, she’d found some more really old ones and the new ones were shoved in the back of her cupboard, unopened.

    The same with a minging dish washing sponge! :confused: I bought a new J Cloth roll for her - which she totally ignored and even got the yukky sponge out of the bin to use again!

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