any ideas

[Natashalou]

on how to convince a teenager he ought to visit his Granny? A few weeks ago following a few very difficult incidents where Mum was very unpleasant to him, Jon announced he wasnt going to see Granny again. And has stuck to his word.

For a little while mum actually didnt notice as she cant easily tell the difference between my two boys, but now she has got obsessed with when she is going to see him.

Jon was never as close to her as Steven , the older boy,as she moved away when he was quite young, but I am as concerned for him as I am for her as I think he will regret it when she does die.

Ive tried telling him that, pleading, asking him to do it to help me , telling him she is ill but he remains adamant. He is not visiting and thats that.

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Natasha,

I think the more you ask a teenager to do something he doesn`t want to do, the more he`ll resist. If your mother and son weren`t too close in the first place, and your mother was unpleasant to him on their last meeting, I`d leave him to decide if and when he visits.

If your mother keeps asking about him, I`d tell her how unpleasant she was.

If it does get to the point when you think your mother hasn`t long to live, then I would ask your son to make his peace with his grandma before it`s too late.

Just my personal opinion. Others may feel differently.

Love xx

 

[DickG]

Hello Natasha

I have the same problem with my gradchildren who do not want to visit their grandmother. They cannot cope with a loved grandmother who now appears as a child, the person the looked to for love , comfort and advice. They wish to remember her as she was.

Don't be too hard on Jon for he is young and does not have the maturity to cope with this distressing situation.

Dick

 

[Skye]

I would tend to agree with Sylvia. Putting pressure on him will only make him did his heels in more.

Tell him it's all right, he doesn't have to visit until he's ready, then don't mention the subject again.

As Sylvia says, when the time comes, give him the opportunity to say goodbye to his Granny, but again, no pressure.

That leaves you with the problem of what to tell your mum. I'd go for the white lie. He's got a lot of homework, he's in a football team and they have to train every night, anything to keep the peace (and your mum is going to believe).

You've got enough to cope with, try to eliminate as many tension poits as possible.

Good luck,

 

[Gill W]

Natasha,

If your teenage son is anything like mine, anything you say once he's made a decision will be sailing in one ear and out the other.

I have a 14 year old who turned into king kong when he hit double figures, and who likes to think whatever he says goes. He's having a hard time (and so am I!) finding out otherwise.

He recently decided he didn't want to see his dad anymore, after two years of a court case where he stated quite adamantly that he wanted to see dad. After two years of seeing him, and not getting his own way all the time, he decided that was that, he wasn't going anymore. End of story.

We've tried diplomacy, going in like headless chickens and taking away things he likes, a bit more diplomacy, and we've come full circle and now are just leaving him to make up his own mind. Dad isn't asking him to go over, we're just leaving him to his own decision. At the end of the day, it's too much like hard work having constant argument in the house and it was beginning to take it's toll on my nerves.

They have wills of iron at this age, and it makes things intolerable sometimes when they're so stubborn. I would hazard a guess and say that when the time comes, he will soften and ask to be allowed to see her, almost as though it's yourself that has stopped him in the first place. Then it'll just be a case of "yes, by all means, when would you like to go?". I'm still waiting for this to happen with my son and his dad, but I'm hoping like hell he will cave in. It's his birthday soon (son, that is) so it'll be interesting to see how he deals with things.

Good luck, stay patient, and leave well alone for a while.

Positive vibes winging their way!

Gill
xx

 

[lovdn2]

Hello Natasha

Do you know why exactly he doesn't want to visit?

He may be a teenager, but he is still a child in many ways and having a Granny who he loves being very unpleasant to him on several occasions might have frightened him, or hurt him very deeply.

All I can suggest is that you ask his older brother to have a chat with him and find out the reasons he can't bring himself to visit her.

He is more likely to open up to his brother than his Mum at his age.

I would be more concerned with his feelings than your Mum's obsession with seeing him at the moment.