Any advice re daycare attendee?

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Mum has mentioned a couple of times that there is another 'attendee' (not sure that's the right word?) at one of her day centres whom she finds quite distressing. According to mum the lady 'gets very upset' .... and unfortunately for mum, the attendee is picked up and transported on the same 'run' as mum and it appears always takes - or is given - the seat next to mum on the 'minibus' .... (which because of all the pick-ups and drop-offs means she might be sat next to the lady for some considerable time with no means of 'avoiding her' which presumably mum has the space to do in the centre itself).

I know mum isn't always enamoured with this particular day centre (much preferring the smaller venue run by a charity she attends on a different day) and I know this must sound really selfish - in that I don't - for my own reasons - want her to stop going. Securing any daycare has been a hard fought battle and it has made a huge difference for me in the week in terms of my working and family life ..... Less selfishly, she IS clearly stimulated by it (even if that means she's just got something to moan about!!!:rolleyes::)) But if someone else is distressing her to the extent she will - I suspect - refuse to go, what to do?

I am very conscious that this 'upset lady' may well be my mother one day (even me) and I would hate to think if I say anything to anyone about it I may cause distress for her carers? But I don't feel inclined to just sit back and say nothing when it is clearly causing some anxiety for mum?????

Any ideas how to handle this/who to speak to about it, if anyone, gratefully received. Thanks, Karen, x


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Karen,
I would try and speak to the 'transporters', get their take on the situation...see if they have noticed anything. Could be that they simply need to make sure mum and said attendee are not seated near one another.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Karen, I'd try to speak to the daycare manager, preferably on a day when your mum is not there.

If you could manage to get into the centre, that would be best, but a phone call might also do the job.

Say that you are concerned that your mum is feeling threatened by the other lady, and ask if there has been any trouble at the centre. And ask if they can be placed apart on the bus.

That will encourage them to keep an eye on things, and shouldn't cause any trouble if you go in a spirit of co-operation.

I'm all for going to the top!

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
I'd try to speak to the daycare manager,
Thanks Helen and Hazel ..... but this is part of my problem. I confess to being frazzled today (what's new?! ;) )- mum having had the first of her memory group sessions (and no in spite of all the advice I intended to take about 'little white lies' - she mentioned it to the CPNs last week and I couldn't get away with fibbing the whole thing had been cancelled). A dozen phone calls over the last few days (a conservative guess) on trying to co-ordinate 'permission' for her to leave the day-centre - from them, from SSD, to arrange things with the CPNs etc .....
to co-ordinate transport etc etc ... still got my boss to placate about the next six weeks!!!!!!! :(

Sorry, rambling .... but there are so many fingers in the pie I just don't know who to turn to first. I wasn't impressed this afternoon when one of the CPNs told me how pleased mum was to be collected from the day-centre early to 'escape' this woman ..... and I said 'It's very difficult to know what to do....' and her response was simply 'Yes, it is isn't it? :mad: If I can't approach a CPN who should be able to take an objective view, surely, then where do I go?

Sorry, ranting :( Kaz, x

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