Another lesson learned

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by sue38, Sep 15, 2007.

  1. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Today my Dad was due to go to a meeting and lunch in a town about 8 miles away. He wasn't keen to go but my Mum persuaded him to go as he would be with friends and she thought it would do him good to get out.

    She dropped him off at 10.30ish and arranged with one of the men there that they could bring him home. At aboout 12 she received a phone call from the hall where the lunch was being held, asking if he had arrived home!:eek:

    One of the men reported that he had seen my Dad a few yards up the road from the hall at about 10.45 and he hadn't been seen since. :eek:

    I sped up to the hall to find a Police Community officer co-ordinating the search. The police then arrived and I filled in a missing persons report. The police notified all units, hospitals, bus companies, taxis and so on. There was a report that he had been seen in the town, but had not been seen for some time.

    There was nothing more to be done and I drove back to my Mum and Dad's along the route that he might have walked but no sign.

    He finally turned up at home some 4 hours after he was last seen. He was very distressed and we have little idea how he got home other than that he had a bus ticket in his pocket, but we think he might have been on various buses and/or trains.

    All he was able to tell us was that someone who should have been at the meeting wasn't there and he had gone outside to look for my Mum, thinking she was still outside. There were over 100 people at this lunch and although he knows them all (or they know him) it was obviously too much for him and he had panicked. The people there know his condition but clearly not how he needs to be looked after, and didn't react when they saw him leave. Probably we are at fault for trying to make things as normal as possible and not always treating him with kid gloves.

    One thing I did learn was that he should always have ID on him. I had started to do a card for him with the web site U-Card-it (I think that's what it's called) but had got stuck. Definitely first thing on the list.

    The Police were fantastic, making it a high priority because of his age and condition.

    Anyway, he's home now although not best pleased with my mum, watching the rugby from last night on the TV. Tomorrow he will have forgotten all about it.

    We had just a small taste today. I can only just begin to imagine what John Allen's familyare going through.
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Thank goodness dad is safe.
    It must have been a terrible time for you.

    Love Helen
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,569
    Kent
    Dear Sue.

    That`s what happened to Dhiren when he went walkabout in Manchester. he too was missing for 4 hours. Your mind works overtime doesn`t it.

    I`m so glad he returned unharmed. If there is a repeat meeting and lunch, would one of his friends be prepared to be responsible for watching him.

    I`m sure you were as grateful to the police as I was.


    Love xx
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #4 Margarita, Sep 15, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2007
    I'm also pleased to read that returned unharmed, does hit home the reality of what the disease can do . It happen to my mother she got lost 2 times , first time was only for a while , 2nd time over 5 hours social services at police station in gibraltar brought her home, God did she make me feel guilty , mum had an argument with her sister got so distressed over it making her very confused that she just walk out got lost
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Sue, thank goodness your dad managed to get home safely. I don't suppose you'll ever find out where he had been. You and your mum must have been out of your minds.

    Definitely a warning!:eek:

    Love,
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Dear Sue

    What a truly scary situation for you all to be in. I just don't know how those of you who are coping with sufferers who are mobile do it, I really don't. I think you're probably right: too many people and too much stimulation = increase in confusion. I know my mother would essentially shut down in large gatherings, just smiling and nodding her head (and for her large was more than 4 people) but fortunately, she was sufficiently immobile that she couldn't wander off.

    Love
     
  7. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Sue, sorry to read about dad. Glad that things turned out O.K.
    The A.S. do really good I.D. cards, that explain and you just have to fill in details. HO should be able to help.
     
  8. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Dear Sue,what a worry you and your mum must have had.I can only imagine your distress and fear.I have to say i saw that your dad was missing and went straight to the end of the post to see if he had been found.i have read it in its entirity and feel so much for you all.I had a resident leave the home without anyone knowing.Lucky for him and us he got on the bus to Warrington and a member of staff was on the bus.Heavens only know what would have happened otherwise.its a moment that stopped my heart for a second,i don't know how yours continued beating!love and best wishes to you all.elainex
     
  9. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Thankyou

    Thank you guys. I knew you would understand. Thank you for listening. Where would I (or any of us) be without you?
     
  10. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Sue,

    {{{HUGS}}}} for you and your poor Mum!
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,569
    Kent
    Sue,
    Dhiren has a computer print out [small] in a zip pocket of his wallet with home contact numbers and those of our son, at work and at home.

    He also has an emergency card which I got from the Admiral nurses, which is probably similar to the one produced by the AS.

    He also has slips of paper in his wallet with our phone number and our son`s phone number.

    All this is to ensure safety in numbers as he`s always playing with the contents of his wallet.

    The police in Manchester said it saved them 3 hours tracing work.

    Love xx
     
  12. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Sue, so pleased that everything turned out well for you and your mum, a terrible worry though. This was always a worry for me with mum as she had no idea where she lived and once when we were in medicare she was asked to sign her name, she nicely asked the girl could she tell her what it was. I decide then that I had better get her ID, I got her a ID bracelet and told her it was a present from the government because she turned 83 years old, she accepted it then one day she handed it back to me and said; look this has someone else's name on it, that's not my name.... it had Dementia and a ID code engraved on it, and she wouldn't wear it again, it was someone else's. These Id's are also available to wear around the neck. I think they are very valuable (as long as they will wear them ) as with one phone call all details are at hand. Take Care Taffy.
     
  13. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Sue I just wondered how your father (and in fact the rest of you) were today after his adventure?
     
  14. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Hi Jennifer,

    My dad is absolutely fine. I have decided not to quiz him as to where he was, whose car he was in (yes he told us someone took him in a car, he was in various houses etc. :eek: - not sure how much of it was true) as it would serve no useful purpose other than to remind him of the traumas of yesterday.

    I spoke to my sister in Athens yesterday evening as I needed to unload a bit. I had unloaded here on TP and thought that was unfair as she might read it on here before I had told her in person.

    My other sister who is local was in Manchester for the day/night with her husband and friends and I had decided not to tell her either during or before their night out. Again it would have served no useful purpose. My mum had told her today but has had been a bit economical with the truth. I told her the whole story, warts and all, and although she was shocked, she agreed that I had done the right thing in not telling her as there was nothing she could have done.

    My mum is putting on a brave face. Nothing new there. :rolleyes:

    I went out on an employee's hen night and drank more than I should. :eek:

    As I have said the police were fantastic. One officer in particular. About 6'4" with huge muscles around 23 years old....;) Ah well...
     
  15. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    ID Card

    In my first post on this thread I resolved to sort out an 'ID' card for my Dad with details of his condition, blood group and all our contact numbers.

    I didn't start it until Tuesday night and got stuck again, but this time emailed the site to explain my difficulties. Wednesday morning there was a reply from the site explaining that an apostrophe in the name I had given to the card had caused an unexpected blip, apologising for the problem, and giving me 10% off the card.

    I completed the order yesterday afternoon. I arrived home from work tonight to find the card had arrived. I am impressed. With the discount the card cost less than £5.

    I know there has been opposition to the National ID card proposal on the grounds that it impinges on civil liberties. I don't want to enter that debate but I hope that this card will mean that we are able to give my Dad more freedom.

    Just have to persuade my Dad to carry the card....will slip it amongst his precious bank cards. Sneaky? You betcha.

    Not sure I can give the name of the web site but anyone can PM if they want the details.
     

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