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Another first

lesley1958

Registered User
Mar 24, 2015
107
Bristol
On Sunday night for the first time my dad could not recognise my mum, did not know he was married or had children.

I know we are doing all we can but it is so hard. Especially for my mum after 60 years of marriage to be treated as a stranger.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,640
Kent
It`s one of the worst symptom of this illness in my opinion when the person with dementia no longer recognises family members and the spouse they have lived with for years.

The only thing which helped me was trying to imagine how frightened I would feel if I was in the same position and believed I was surrounded by strangers.
 

Babymare01

Registered User
Apr 22, 2015
309
Hello there

I have to agree that this is worst symptom of this evil illness. My mother doesn't recognise me now and I rarely get a smile or acknowledgement from her. But I know my mother loved me so much and I hold that in my heart

Big hugs xxxxx
 

Suzanna1969

Registered User
Mar 28, 2015
346
Essex
I was kind of expecting Mum to reach a stage where she forgot who I was, although I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. Her recent mini-strokes and TIAs over the last couple of months have, unfortunately, brought things on apace. Luckily she still knows my Dad, who has Vascular Parkinsonism, and clucks over him all the time (sometimes he finds it a bit much!)

I thought I'd be devastated when she first looked and me and said 'who are you?' but I was surprised how calm I was. Someone recently said to me 'Oh god I couldn't cope with that' but you do because you have to. And I've got it easy compared to many of the wonderful people on here.
 

katek

Registered User
Jan 19, 2015
191
On Sunday night for the first time my dad could not recognise my mum, did not know he was married or had children.

I know we are doing all we can but it is so hard. Especially for my mum after 60 years of marriage to be treated as a stranger.
It is hard, isn't it. Although we all know it's going to happen, it is still a shock when it does. With my dad (also after 60 years of marriage), it was some time ago now but I can still vividly recall my mum telling me about it. He had locked her out of the bedroom, sayng "you are not my wife". When she said, "I am! I am A...., your wife" he replied "No,you're not. A.....was my wife - I loved her but she was run over by a bus." He had probably not recognised her for some time, but that was the first confirmation. And as Grannie G says, must have been frightening for him, not recognising people.
 
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lesley1958

Registered User
Mar 24, 2015
107
Bristol
So many lovely, supportive replies. No, nothing can take away the years of love we have all shared even if Dad can't remember that he shared them with us. I too have it easy compared to some of the amazing posters on here who leave me slack-jawed with amazement at their courage, patience and compassion.

"You cope because you have to". Yes, absolutely.

Love to everyone xxx