Today 73 years ago my parents got married - mum a beautiful young girl of 22 and dad 12 years older. Dad died 30 years ago.
My darling mum finally lost her dementia battle at the end of April. She had been in a care home since August (I never stopped feeling guilty), she never settled, and I found myself going in every single day for 3-4 hours. I would get her up, shower and dress her and, since December, fought a losing battle to get her to eat and drink. During that time she had 4 UTIs and the fallout from those were awful. I didn't know that my sweet mum could turn so nasty and abusive. It took a while to accept that it was the disease and not her. The times when she asked who I was broke my heart. The weight fell off and when she died she weighed 4.5 stone and I literally watched her fade away in front of me. On that awful last day, she had had no food or drink for 4 days. I was with her for 11 hours until she took her last breath in my arms. I am grateful that I was there for her and she did not die alone but I hope that I never have to go through that again. I cannot get the events of that day out of my mind, it plays on and on in a loop. We had to wait nearly 3weeks to hold the funeral which didn't help. It has been 5 weeks now and I wonder how long it will be before I can think of mum without breaking down. I miss her so and I feel empty.
So, finally today, on what would have been their 73rd anniversary I took mum's ashes (half them) and buried them under my dad's rose bush. This was the final thing I had to do for her. My sister wanted to take the rest back to the States where mum had many happy holidays with them. On her 75th birthday they took her to Oahu, Hawaii where she had the most wonderful time. She loved the island and its beauty and my sister felt she would be happy to go back there. I was not sure at first. Have I done wrong by splitting mum into two? I hope not. I think she will like being with my dad and on a beach in Oahu.
I still feel the need to come on TP and see how other people are faring. I don't post because I feel there are people out there with far greater problems and mine seem so small in comparison. However, through these last 9 months I have found TP to be of enormous help and comfort. I thank you and send my best wishes to each and every one of you.
Tuscon
My darling mum finally lost her dementia battle at the end of April. She had been in a care home since August (I never stopped feeling guilty), she never settled, and I found myself going in every single day for 3-4 hours. I would get her up, shower and dress her and, since December, fought a losing battle to get her to eat and drink. During that time she had 4 UTIs and the fallout from those were awful. I didn't know that my sweet mum could turn so nasty and abusive. It took a while to accept that it was the disease and not her. The times when she asked who I was broke my heart. The weight fell off and when she died she weighed 4.5 stone and I literally watched her fade away in front of me. On that awful last day, she had had no food or drink for 4 days. I was with her for 11 hours until she took her last breath in my arms. I am grateful that I was there for her and she did not die alone but I hope that I never have to go through that again. I cannot get the events of that day out of my mind, it plays on and on in a loop. We had to wait nearly 3weeks to hold the funeral which didn't help. It has been 5 weeks now and I wonder how long it will be before I can think of mum without breaking down. I miss her so and I feel empty.
So, finally today, on what would have been their 73rd anniversary I took mum's ashes (half them) and buried them under my dad's rose bush. This was the final thing I had to do for her. My sister wanted to take the rest back to the States where mum had many happy holidays with them. On her 75th birthday they took her to Oahu, Hawaii where she had the most wonderful time. She loved the island and its beauty and my sister felt she would be happy to go back there. I was not sure at first. Have I done wrong by splitting mum into two? I hope not. I think she will like being with my dad and on a beach in Oahu.
I still feel the need to come on TP and see how other people are faring. I don't post because I feel there are people out there with far greater problems and mine seem so small in comparison. However, through these last 9 months I have found TP to be of enormous help and comfort. I thank you and send my best wishes to each and every one of you.
Tuscon