An update on life

[blowingbubbles]

Hi, I haven't been on here for a while, wanted to update about how my family is doing.

So I said that my Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's with Vascular Dementia last year, and at that time none of us were coping at all well.

Since then, things obviously haven't been too great for Dad; he can't take Alzheimer's medication because he has heart problems so he is getting worse. But now he is going to a day care centre on Fridays which not only gives my Mum restbite but which Dad now, after a few months of hating it and being rude to all the carers there, enjoys. (The Doctors concerned with his case are still absolutely useless though)

Mum is still not coping very well and I'm not sure what the best way to help her is. She describes her life as being on hold basically until Dad dies, and says she hates him. His personality has changed so much, he's turned truly horrible whereas before he was a really lovely, funny and caring man, and I can see that it is breaking her heart. It doesn't seem to be as bad for him seeing as he doesn't really know what's going on, but it's awful for her. She's strong, and doesn't really let it show, but she doesn't get any enjoyment out of her life now, she's just existing for him.

As for me, things have improved greatly! I think last time I posted on here I'd just been chucked off an expedition to Africa I was doing with my school due to various drunken episodes and an overdose because I could not cope at all with my Dad's illness. But, I organised another trip to Africa by myself, a volunteer project looking after AIDS orphans, which was fantastic and really changed my outlook on life. I realised how lucky I am to have both parents in my life, and to have known my Dad for these past 18 years when many thousands of children never meet their parents at all, and how privileged I am. I also met the kindest people I have ever met, who restored my faith in human nature after my school had destroyed it. (An added bonus, although mean, is that on the original trip with the school which I was going on, they all had a horrible time...so maybe things actually do happen for a reason!). School is better now and I've now applied to University and have some offers to study Medicine, so providing my grades are okay, i'll be off next year! I feel so guilty about leaving Mum to cope on her own with Dad though.

Anyway, that's my update. It's still hard for all of us, but I at least never feel that I can't cope any more.

Sarah

 

[Helen33]

Hello Sarah

Thank you for the update. It sounds like a lot has happened.
Your poor mum sounds as if she is really struggling and I wondered whether she might be able to join Talking Point where she might get some support. I think many people would be able to identify with the worrying feelings she might be experiencing.

As for you, it sounds like you have done really well for yourself and I am pleased that you have survived and come through with a determination to make something of your life

Love and best wishes

 

[Chrissyan]

Sarah, I remember your posts well & how hard everything was for you. I am so glad that you have got your self together and are coping better.

I am so sorry about your Dad, he is is so young & it sounds as if this horrid illness has affected him very badly. The best way you can help you Mum is to help her out around the house, cook for her, do a bit of housework, but most important listen to her.

It would be hard for your Mum to do & she would feel guilty, but if your Father is as difficult as you say, then maybe he might be better off in care.

I am glad you have a much more positive take on life now, get those grades & go to Uni girl, you have all your future ahead of you!

Take care & keep posting.

 

[Vonny]

Hi Sarah, sounds like you've really been through the mill and have come out the other side in one piece. Well done you!

Your mum wouldn't want you to jeopardize your career I'm sure. You can still be there for her even if you're miles away. You can phone her and let her let off steam to you and help with practical things during holidays. Unis have long breaks! Wish I'd appreciated them more at the time

Your mum's life basically IS on hold while she is caring for your dad. There is little in the way of outside entertainment for a carer. Although I'm only a part-time carer myself I have neither the time nor the inclination for a "life" aside from weekend breaks which I get from time to time. Work, my own family and Alzheimers is my life right now and that's the way it is.

Like Helen, I think if you could get your mum to join TP it would be helpful for her. One of the main issues for carers is the loneliness. Since joining TP my life has been transformed.

Sorry I can't offer more practical advice, but I'm rooting for you and your family.

Vonny xx