Please, please read and give me some hard advice, I need it!
Both my parents have big problems, dad has dementia, he's started to forget who I am now, but at least he's 'happy' to an extent.
Mum has always been a massive problem, mainly through drinking, overdoses, aggression and generally being nasty. From an early age my memories of mum were bad, she's never been 'motherly', she's taken numerous overdoses and always wanted to be the centre of attraction, she's fallen out with everyone, even her family haven't spoken to her for over 20 years. She controls my dad, he's easily led and doesn't understand what's going on, he's confused beyond belief but there's very little I can do. She's told him that if he goes to the doctors they'll hurt him, if he has a brain scan it's painful and noisy, she's stopped him from having a simple dementia test conducted by the GP, basically she won't let him see anybody or go anywhere. They live 5 hours from me and nearly 2 hours from my sister, we both moved away partly because she's always been a pain and caused us both to have issues. I've taken the burden off my sister because she had a few health issues and couldn't cope plus mum fell out with her on purpose. They have carers come in twice daily to administer mums tablets, she can't be trusted to take them on her own, she'll either forget to take them or could overdose. I went up to visit last week, mum didn't say hello for the first hour or two, she just ignored me. I drove 5 hours to sort out some jobs and make sure they're ok, got a very unwelcome greeting, no niceness or thanks what so ever, then drove home again! I got home at 2 am. She's selfish beyond belief, she never asks how I am, or my wife, or her grandchildren, she never gives her grandsons anything for Birthdays etc, never has done. They're scared of her too.
I'm the first port of call for problems, I pay their bills, sort everything from odd jobs, carers, pay their bills, sort paperwork, food etc. Last night she called and started telling me she's not happy with the carers, like anybody, she eventually tries to fall out with them, she's nasty to them in the hope that it causes an argument, she enjoys it. Now it looks like she's trying to push them out, no matter what I say or do it's never good enough.
To cut a long story short - I've had enough of being nice and pampering to her, I'm fed up of listening to her moans, nasty, selfish comments, I'm not scared of anybody other than my mother - when she calls it brings back such horrible memories that I get anxious and can't settle for days, I can't sleep sometimes, I hate it when I see her number come up and start to shake sometimes, It makes me sound like a wimp but I'm not, honestly.
Dad has a fair amount of savings and she knows it, I'm sure she's just letting him go down hill quickly so that she will inherit his money, house etc, then she can go out drinking or whatever she wants to do.
I've got a lovely wife, nice home life and I'm comfortable, but this is destroying me. I've had counselling, seen a psychiatrist and a hypnotherapist, I'm currently doing a self management course for depression and anxiety..... because of her, but I still feel obliged to 'do the right thing' and continue to sort out her issues.
So ... what should I do? Please be as blunt as you feel.
Thanks in advance.
Both my parents have big problems, dad has dementia, he's started to forget who I am now, but at least he's 'happy' to an extent.
Mum has always been a massive problem, mainly through drinking, overdoses, aggression and generally being nasty. From an early age my memories of mum were bad, she's never been 'motherly', she's taken numerous overdoses and always wanted to be the centre of attraction, she's fallen out with everyone, even her family haven't spoken to her for over 20 years. She controls my dad, he's easily led and doesn't understand what's going on, he's confused beyond belief but there's very little I can do. She's told him that if he goes to the doctors they'll hurt him, if he has a brain scan it's painful and noisy, she's stopped him from having a simple dementia test conducted by the GP, basically she won't let him see anybody or go anywhere. They live 5 hours from me and nearly 2 hours from my sister, we both moved away partly because she's always been a pain and caused us both to have issues. I've taken the burden off my sister because she had a few health issues and couldn't cope plus mum fell out with her on purpose. They have carers come in twice daily to administer mums tablets, she can't be trusted to take them on her own, she'll either forget to take them or could overdose. I went up to visit last week, mum didn't say hello for the first hour or two, she just ignored me. I drove 5 hours to sort out some jobs and make sure they're ok, got a very unwelcome greeting, no niceness or thanks what so ever, then drove home again! I got home at 2 am. She's selfish beyond belief, she never asks how I am, or my wife, or her grandchildren, she never gives her grandsons anything for Birthdays etc, never has done. They're scared of her too.
I'm the first port of call for problems, I pay their bills, sort everything from odd jobs, carers, pay their bills, sort paperwork, food etc. Last night she called and started telling me she's not happy with the carers, like anybody, she eventually tries to fall out with them, she's nasty to them in the hope that it causes an argument, she enjoys it. Now it looks like she's trying to push them out, no matter what I say or do it's never good enough.
To cut a long story short - I've had enough of being nice and pampering to her, I'm fed up of listening to her moans, nasty, selfish comments, I'm not scared of anybody other than my mother - when she calls it brings back such horrible memories that I get anxious and can't settle for days, I can't sleep sometimes, I hate it when I see her number come up and start to shake sometimes, It makes me sound like a wimp but I'm not, honestly.
Dad has a fair amount of savings and she knows it, I'm sure she's just letting him go down hill quickly so that she will inherit his money, house etc, then she can go out drinking or whatever she wants to do.
I've got a lovely wife, nice home life and I'm comfortable, but this is destroying me. I've had counselling, seen a psychiatrist and a hypnotherapist, I'm currently doing a self management course for depression and anxiety..... because of her, but I still feel obliged to 'do the right thing' and continue to sort out her issues.
So ... what should I do? Please be as blunt as you feel.
Thanks in advance.