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Am I being silly?

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,727
0
Sorry to come back to this issue. I picked MIL from respite and she stunk so badly it made me heave! Her clothes were filthy. My hobby felt sick. She had no pants nor pad on. I could smell her filthy feet and stale urine. She looked a mess. To say the least I was not a happy woman

I very calmly stated what I expect and what used to happen which is

1. I expect her to be in clean smell free clothes

2. Where pad and pants which we provide ( but seeing how many left she had worn none)

3. I expect to have supervised washing as discussed before her first respite

4. A bath or shower which she will ALWAYS consent to if it is a male present especially the night before she comes home

She will consent to assisted washing if handled in a kind dignified way but as I said to the carer she sounds so convincing that they believe every word she says

All her clothes stunk, nothing had been washed which had been done originally hence I provide 3 of everything for one to wear, one in the wash and one clean

I will give them one more chance then formal complaint!!!!


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I would make a very serious formal complaint to the home and to the CQC and to your local adult safeguarding team (duty desk adult social care). Your MiL is on respite and they are not making sure that she has her basic care needs met so just imagine the state the permanent residents are living in and most particularly those without relatives or anyone to care whether or not they are cared for . This is an absolute disgrace and there is not a chance it will improve without some serious intervention as they have clearly completely ignored your instructions!!!!!

PS so sorry you and your MiL are being subjected to this awful treatment
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
Thank you for all your help I have emailed the manager of the care home


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1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
This is the email I sent.........


Dear Ms X

It is with regret that I have to contact you regarding my mother in laws care in respite at X care home

When MIL first came into respite I went through things regarding MIL talking with one of the Team Leaders and things were very acceptable for her stays until the last two respites

1. I was asked if I would like her clothes washed whilst in the care home. I explained I would and all her clothes are duly labelled. The last two visits they have not been washed as every item of clothing smelt so overwhelming of stale urine/food I was quite frankly shocked

2. I was asked regarding her washing regime and I explained she only washes her face but needs supervision with her bottom. The Team Leader explained they can't force them but they have their ways (as do I ie having a little joke about something unrelated or asking about her grandchildren) which distracts her. This obviously has not happened on the last two visits

3. Due to her incontinence I explained I would provide net knickers and pants but there are so few pads used obviously my request has been ignored. In fact yesterday she stunk so badly that I asked a very pleasant male carer if she had pads and net knickers on but he did know so he asked another carer and she equally had no idea. I looked and she had no pants nor pads on so requested the staff to put them on her but due to no supervision with washing, her stale urine and dirty feet smelt out not only our car but also our home. Not acceptable

4. Bath/ shower. Originally the staff managed to give MIL a bath, so I was told, but this is clearly not happening anymore. I explained a few times to a Team Leader that MIL will do anything for a male carer ( which they had noticed) and a male WAS assigned to toilet her every couple of hours. This I presume has ceased

I understand she has human rights but I have never had problems with her hygiene and take her clothes away every night and produce clean clothes every morning. I do not insist she washes in the morning as that has never been her routine ( I also told this to the Team Leader originally)

I know that MIL comes across very convincing (which is not to her advantage) but she incapable of washing/changing her clothes/knowing they are dirty/smelly. She been like this for at least 7 years

Whilst I appreciate that getting someone with dementia to cooperate with personal hygiene is not easy maybe we could share stratagies I use so this does not happen again

Even though I know she has human rights but equally she should be treated with dignity and her dignity maintained. And of course not being washed for days and days carries health risks

As a quote from Alzheimer's Soceity states .......

" It's important that people with dementia are treated with respect and that their dignity is maintained. It is also important to remember that a person with dementia is still a unique and valuable human being, despite their illness."

I welcome your comments and that we can work effectively together to ensure this is not repeated on her next respite visit

Regards






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Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,289
0
SW London
I would make a very serious formal complaint to the home and to the CQC and to your local adult safeguarding team (duty desk adult social care). Your MiL is on respite and they are not making sure that she has her basic care needs met so just imagine the state the permanent residents are living in and most particularly those without relatives or anyone to care whether or not they are cared for . This is an absolute disgrace and there is not a chance it will improve without some serious intervention as they have clearly completely ignored your instructions!!!!!

PS so sorry you and your MiL are being subjected to this awful treatment

I think what happens with some CHs that do respite, is that if the person is at all difficult over personal care, they take the easy way out because it's not going to be their problem for very long. They can't do the same with permanent residents, or they'd mostly look like bag ladies/men, and the place would smell like the sort of public loo you run a mile from with your legs crossed.
This comes up regularly on here, so it can't be too uncommon. The CHs in question do need a good rollicking/formal complaint since they are not providing the care they are being paid for.
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
What do I expect next? What if they don't action my concerns? His long do I have to wait?

Does anyone have any ideas please?


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1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
I have contacted Safe guarding Adults and they contact the person I emailed with my concerns. It is being treated as a complaint and will be fully investigated


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mrs mcgonnagal

Registered User
May 9, 2015
153
0
Well done, its brave to put in a complaint, and sometimes necessary to bite the bullet! I hope it ends up they improve, what are the inspection reports like? Best wishes.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,727
0
Well done you !!! Excellent. you have done a huge service to every single resident in that home.
Can I suggest that you also copy your letter to the CQC
Speak up and tell us


Care Quality Commission
Citygate
Gallowgate
Newcastle upon Tyne
NE1 4PA
Phone: 03000 616161
Email: enquiries@cqc.org.uk

Every one of those families and residents would want to say a big 'thank you' to you x
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
You are all so kind

The CQC report was really bad about 9 months ago but then when I looked again about 8 weeks ago the Care home got a fabulous report

Also what has upset me big time is the fact that ...

1. I really believed they would have NEVER have done what they ended up doing

2. It was the home of my choice IF ever we had to go down the route of permanent care

3. What is happening to all the other residents who have no one to speak for them?

4. Will they ever want to have her for respite again?

5. Will I ever trust them?

6. Will anyone want her for respite as I am now a complainer/trouble maker?

7. Can I send it to CQC as I told Safe guarding Adults that I had not sent it CQC? Should I send to CQC as surely I should give the home time to sort this out?

I have to say all this makes me mistrust anyone with my MIL. Thank goodness we never put her in care. Both my hubby and I are now full of fear and dread, anxiety symptoms, knots in our stomach, I am again getting chest pain (which I have had before....been checked, GP says it's the stress and anxiety). Tearful.

And MIL....... Blissfully unaware of it all




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Last edited:

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
0
West Midlands
My thoughts
At the time you hadn't sent it to CQC, you are allowed to change your mind, and if it was me, I would send to CQC. Possibly informing them you have decided to do so, as cynic in me thinks if they don't know CQC are involved, they won't do anything immediately, if they know, maybe something will be done sooner

I did complain about a care home I visited, and chose not to send mum to, by phone to CQC. I was responded to sympathetically, by phone and asked to send an email of my concerns. No other feedback, but I'm guessing a complaint was on file, and I think this is the case, once 10 complaints are received, CQC can then do a spot check. Tho with the lack of staff CQC are having at the moment, it may not be as "instant" as is needed.

Hugs xx




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fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,727
0
Well done 1954 - there will be really positive outcomes from the things that you have done - really really well done! The only way we will ever change care for the better is by complaining when things are not right x
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,727
0
My thoughts
At the time you hadn't sent it to CQC, you are allowed to change your mind, and if it was me, I would send to CQC. Possibly informing them you have decided to do so, as cynic in me thinks if they don't know CQC are involved, they won't do anything immediately, if they know, maybe something will be done sooner

I did complain about a care home I visited, and chose not to send mum to, by phone to CQC. I was responded to sympathetically, by phone and asked to send an email of my concerns. No other feedback, but I'm guessing a complaint was on file, and I think this is the case, once 10 complaints are received, CQC can then do a spot check. Tho with the lack of staff CQC are having at the moment, it may not be as "instant" as is needed.

Hugs xx


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They send the complaint directly to the Inspector scheduled for the next inspection of that home. Then a decision is made about whether it requires an urgent visit or not and if so it triggers a visit and if not it stays with the file for the next inspection and is investigated.

It is always worth complaining to the CQC and to the local adult safeguarding team
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,727
0
You are all so kind

The CQC report was really bad about 9 months ago but then when I looked again about 8 weeks ago the Care home got a fabulous report

Also what has upset me big time is the fact that ...

1. I really believed they would have NEVER have done what they ended up doing

2. It was the home of my choice IF ever we had to go down the route of permanent care

3. What is happening to all the other residents who have no one to speak for them?

4. Will they ever want to have her for respite again?

5. Will I ever trust them?

6. Will anyone want her for respite as I am now a complainer/trouble maker?





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I am so sorry that you are so stressed at the moment. No-one else will ever know so you don't need to worry about number 6 at all - but the reality is that if a home did know you would get better service not worse - isn't that awful - sadly it is often true.

Actually YOU have spoken for the other residents - that is the difference that you personally have made - and it is simply wonderful.

I don't know if you would want to send her to the same place again but it would certainly be worth looking around both to see what is available and to give yourself a really good idea of what you are looking for (your local carers cafe is a good source of info like this too) - not too far ahead as things do change - as you have seen by the two CQC reports!!!! awful, better, back to awful!!! They clearly thought they weren't going to get another inspection for a while and things have slipped again!!!

Take care, try to pamper yourselves for a while and recover from the experience and don't forget to pat yourself on the back too xxxx
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
Well today I received a letter from the care home who have given me a date to tell me of their findings following complaint of MIL care. The manager has said I can meet up with them to discuss my concerns but I have put it in all in writing so should I meet up with the care manager or not? Any ideas please?


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susy

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
801
0
North East
I have no experience of this .... Yet.... But wanted to boost your thread up to the top again and to say thank you. Places never will improve if people don't stick there head up and be counted.

As for meeting up with the care home manager I don't know if that's a good idea or not as I don't know what she will say or do. If you do decide to go then think about taking someone from the Alzheimer's Society or Age UK with you. They will have had more experience here I would think and be less "involved" personally so that might help.

Well done for what you are achieving. X
 

Beetroot

Registered User
Aug 19, 2015
361
0
If it were me - and it is a very personal view - I would insist on a response in writing. This is very difficult and you will need mind space to think about their response. You don't want to get pushed into saying somethign is ok, when, having had a think about it, you realise it's not. Having to write something down means they will have to think a lot more about how they respond. If you need to take things further, you have their letter as evidence.
You could offer, once they have responded, to have the disc ussion then. And, as Susy says, you must have someone with you, preferably relatively independent, so they can't go back on anything said at a meeting.