I'm concerned about your husband's clinginess. If your husband does have dementia then he will become more and more dependent on you and it will be important for you to carve out and maintain some time and space for yourself for your own sanity. After a diagnosis some couples hunker down and withdraw from activities and socialising but that's not a good idea as both the PWD and the carer will become isolated. Down the line, the PWD will need to go to day care and activities without his/her partner and accept care from other people and so it's good for couples to spend some time apart. No doubt, some carers will say that they are content - or feel that its their duty - to spend all their time with their PWD but most carers want and need breaks from caring.
@Violet Jane. You are not wrong on that point. He will do something like - once in a blue moon go out with our son in law or an old work friend for a walk (although I encourage him to try keep in touch).
I think the hardest part of this need for me to me around, is my dad being fairly recently widowed and living just over 3 hours away. It is hard for me to feel that I can go to see him (he travels down here mostly). We have booked to stay in a place they have near their holiday lodge in a couple of weeks. My dad wants me to go to an awards do with him on the afternoon that we arrive. I haven’t even broached this yet. He won’t stop me - it will make him moody.
A couple of weeks ago, it was my birthday. A couple of days before, I went in to the lounge and I said to him, I really feel like I need to see my dad for my birthday. Not on the day but the day before. I said that I wondered about a quick visit via train in the same day.
He just said, do whatever you have to do - anyway, I’m going to bed now and went. That was that. I didn’t go.
I thank god that when we visited my parents in October - my mum and dad had tickets to see Marty Pellow in Berwick. We were staying in their other place up there that week and they asked if I wanted my dads ticket to go with my mum (this was about a month before we went). I asked if I could decide at the time (I didn’t know how my husband would be about it). A few days before, I said to my husband - I would like to go, he moodily said, just do what you want to do, it’s up to you.
I thank god every day for that night and that decision. I went and had such a lovely night with my mum - I never saw her again, she died of a blood clot instantly 8 days later. I wouldn’t have lived with it had I not gone.
I don’t really know why I’ve just said all that - but it’s good to say it.
Thank you x
**just to add, he’s not a bad person, he just wants my attention. X