After effects of respite care

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by georgie69, Dec 13, 2015.

  1. georgie69

    georgie69 Registered User

    Dec 4, 2014
    4
    Hampshire
    Hello lovely people, this is my first post. Your comments have helped me feel less isolated already, but I don't know how to handle this one. OH has alz & vas dem diagnosed 5 yrs but had it at least 10. Aged 82. Recently been for 2 weeks respite for first time, previously only a weekend. Happy there no problems. Returned home and thinks he has just moved in and we are not married yet (26 years!). Wants to have sex again after 18 years - his choice at the time to stop. Separate rooms 15 years but complains every night he " has been consigned to the back room" and won't go to bed. Have given reassuring hugs but not helping at night. Any ideas or experiences welcome please.
     
  2. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    227
    northamptonshire

    Hi sorry I cannot help with your problem but thought I would welcome you to TP this forum has kept me saine for the last 3 years as we took I my MIL who was Diagnosed with vascular dementia soon after she moved in but we could see a problems at least 5 years before this.i am sure people will be come along soon to help.
     
  3. georgie69

    georgie69 Registered User

    Dec 4, 2014
    4
    Hampshire
    Thankyou balloo for your welcome. Things have improved since my post, it helped to write it down. After a week with hardly any sleep I had to stop trying to be understanding and just say I couldn't look after him if he didn't let me have any rest. Also that sex was off the menu so just accept it. I felt awful saying it but it seems to be working and we are almost back to normal, well what is normal in our house anyway! It's definitely put me off respite care again. Thankyou for listening.
     
  4. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,525
    North East England
    Hello georgie69 and welcome to Talking Point from me too. I'm sorry you're experiencing these problems following your husband's respite.

    My dad struggled whenever mam came home from respite because each time she was worse than before she went in. For instance forgetting how to use the toilet, when prior to going into the home this was not a problem (at the time - things are different now unfortunately).

    With that particular problem, it would take a couple of weeks for him to 'train her' back to the point she had been at before.

    This is one of the reasons he now refuses respite except for dire emergencies (such as him being ill and physically unable to look after her) as he feels it's not worth it because of the problems when she comes home.

    It's so hard because I'd like him to take more respite for his own health's sake, but can see his point of view too.

    Not sure this is of any help to you but you're not alone in having problems after respite, if that's any comfort. I do hope things improve.
     
  5. georgie69

    georgie69 Registered User

    Dec 4, 2014
    4
    Hampshire
    Thankyou college girl for telling me your dad had the same problem. I agree with him that the thought of the fallout afterwards is a huge discouragement to having the respite. It's very disappointing because I had a lovely time and felt part of the normal world again for a while. I don't know what the answer is but thankyou for your support.
     
  6. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello georgie69, welcome to talking point, l have had so much advice from this forum in the last 3yrs you have come to the right place. 4months ago my husband went in a Care Home for 2 weeks respite, he was so bad with Alzheimers l needed a break as he would not go to bed, and kept me awake all night. He is still there Dr said he was too difficicult for me to have back home, didn't know how l had looked after him for so long. I miss the husband l had before AD, but not the hubsband l have now, l visit him everyday, we have been together for 55yrs. I hope you can continue to look after your husband.
     
  7. georgie69

    georgie69 Registered User

    Dec 4, 2014
    4
    Hampshire
    Hello pamann, after the respite my husband would not go to bed so I couldn't sleep either and had to lock the doors and hide the keys. This was the one thing impossible to cope with. I was exhausted after just a week of this so you did well keeping him as long as you did. It was only getting angry with him that made him stay in bed but it could have backfired! Thankyou for your support, I hope you can begin to enjoy life again.
     

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