Hi, I'm new, so forgive me for any mistakes. My Mum has dementia, although hasn't got an assessment until 15th December. I struggle to know how to respond to the random things she says to me when I phone, she thinks people are staying in her house, including my brother, who lives in Asia, I try gently to explain that she lives on her own (with carers going in four times a day) but not sure if I should just go along with her thoughts that people live with her. Also, my father died 4 years ago and her neighbour has told me tonight that Mum went to her house this afternoon, looking for Dad, when she explained that her Dad was no longer with us, Mum was devastated as though she didn't know, should we just kept telling her gently that he has died or pretend he is out somewhere and will be back soon?
Sorry for the rambling but typing this with tears streaming down my face.
Any advise, much appreciated.
Forgot to say, I live an hour away so can only visit at weekends (don't drive either)
Hi!
I'm my dad's carer and your message struck a cord with me. I've been my dads carer for 6yrs and every person with a diagnosis is different.
It one of the hardest things to be able know how to deal with.
Basically you know your loved one best. Sometimes as a carer or neighbour you have to say what ever you have to..sympathetically and a knowledge the persons feelings.
When it comes to loved ones no longer with us..everyone you remind them they feel the shock and grief again for the first time. That's enormous pressure for them and you.
Look into your family history for ideas that can help. The important things is to be able to sustain the way you deal with things.
For example if your dad was in the forces or worked away then that's where he is. If your mum's memory is where shes newly wed or a younger mum..take some ideas from there.
If your dad would be away she might do something specific or buy something or listen to specific music.
Obviously you ll have to take each day as it comes. Neighbours can also help. Stick to the same idea and adapt as you need to.
It's difficult but less emotional than continous grieving.
As you get more experience of caring for a loved one..you ll realise that you sometimes have to make a reality up.
Listen when they talk ? be responsive and don't feel bad about having to or say things that are also probably emotional for you too.
Maybe your neighbour and yourself could look into a dementia friends session in your respective areas.
The information is so helpful.
Best wishes