Advise needed

[Giselleisaballet]

Mum is 86 still lives at home and my sister and I share the care…
She spends a fair amount of time on her own but we provide meals and get her shopping , gardening finances go to doctors appointments. Etc

We know we are fast approaching a time when she will need more care but she will not allow me to move in with her or allow anyone other than her daughters come in the house to help her .

Mum has extreme anxiety about so many things and she can be very awkward she has changed from a lovely kind mum who wouldn’t say a nasty word to anyone to someone we don’t recognise.. She accuses us of stealing her belongings my sister of stealing money because she is the one who shops for her it’s very upsetting .
I phone her twice a day and she asks me what the day is several times on both calls…
She says her lovely neighbour is a spy and lots of bizarre accusations.

She is currently fixated on food she gets very agitated if try to fill the cupboards or fridge … She has been surviving on crumpets and trifles or anything sweet my sister often sees the dinners she takes to her thrown in the bin…
I’m going to stay with mum for a few days tomorrow and it has been arranged for a week or two and mum has become extremely agitated and anxious … She has told me not to bring extra food in the house she has plenty ( she had none) My sister tried to take some provisions round today and mum Got very angry with her.
Why does it bother her so much if there I food in the house…
Maybe I shouldn’t go and stay anymore if it bothers her so much .
Mums dementia is not diagnosed because
Mum refuses to go to doctors
The gp is very unhelpful and although they are aware of mums behaviours memory problems do not offer any help.
Is this behaviour normal for people with dementia?

 

[upsanddownsdays]

I found my mum went from being nasty to being nice again whilst living at home .she resisted all carers and made my life so hard . She didn't want a cleaner , dog walker or even me to help change her bed .
It's the dementia and frustration, but I'm afraid you come to realise you won't beat it .
My mum is in care now and she has anger episodes but they manage it , but at least you are spared the exasperation of it all . Then the next minute , she's happy again .just know it's the illness and not your mum x

 

[snowmile]

It's a very hard situation you're in. We forced my mother to move in with me and we forced her to go to the doctor. It isn't easy and when the time comes, I'm sure you will get her to the doctor. It's been almost 5 years for me living with my mom (I have lots of support) but if it weren't for the doctor prescribing meds to ease her paranoia and anxiety, she would be in a nursing home. Dementia is a very long journey with several stages. No stage of dementia is easy to handle but the beginning is terrible also. When they are aware their brain isn't right and they are just so miserable and paranoid. it's impossible for you too. Lots of prayers for you n your sister. Just trust your gut and do the best you can. Sorry I don't have better advice.
BTW, I brought my mother to the doctor I go to and called and spoke with her ahead of time, privately, so she understood fully the concerns and strange behavior. It avoids having to discuss it in front of your mom.

 

[canary]

Hello @Giselleisaballet

Is this behaviour normal for people with dementia?

Yes, definitely - the accusations of stealing etc, through the preference for sweet foods, to anxiety over people visiting is quite consistent with dementia.
People with dementia regularly refuse to go to the GP as well. You may have to use subterfuge to get her there.

 

[ian01]

My mum recently accused me of stealing from her and it really hurts but I know it's the illness talking, we've just got to remember that.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Giselleisaballet

My grandmother was unable to cope with full food cupboards. She thought she had to eat it all before it went bad.

She never had a fridge and in her younger days she shopped daily for fresh food and didn`t store it as we do now.

Do you think that could be the problem with your mother?