Advice urgently needed

[deggs.m]

Hello to all
Please please can you give me some advice. I live with my mum I am in poor health myself and my mobility is very limited mum who is at stage 6 of living with Alzheimer’s and I am really really struggling. Everyday I struggle with sundowning but she is much worse when she comes back from the day center. The main issue I have is each time she comes back from the day center she is constantly wanting to go home we’re are the babies we’re is her mum and dad, she’s gets very agitated and very anxious, she is on larozepam 0.5 mg and they are hit and miss.
It’s not that I can take her out for a drive as I cannot drive or I cannot take her out for a walk. This goes on and on for hours asking about we’re her babies are or were’s mum and dad.
She’s been in this house for 50 years and does not recognise the house at all saying this is the 1st time she’s been to this house. How do I deal with her when she’s in this mood how do I try and calm herI know it’s called sun downing and have watched nearly every video.
But there is not one video of someone with my predicament. I am at my wits end and don’t know how I can deal with her please can you advise.
I don’t know if you can help me in anyway but I pray you can give me some advice.
Thank you

 

[canary]

Hello @deggs.m

The "want to go home" loop happens when they are confused and anxious, but do not understand what is happening to them. They think that if they can only get back "home" where they felt safe (and its usually a previous/childhood home) then they will leave all the confusion behind, not realising that they will simply take it with them. My mum wanted to go home to her childhood home that had been bombed in the war and she thought that her parents and siblings (all long dead) would be waiting for her. Truly a mission impossible!

I would speak to her doctor to see if her medication could be "tweaked" to improve things. In the meantime see if there is some "reason" why she should stay there that night? Perhaps say, yes, you will take her home but its too dark/cold/icy now, so you will take her "tomorrow" (which never comes!)

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @deggs.m and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. @canary has given you some good advice regarding getting into contact with your mum's doctor to see if a medication review would help with her anxiety and sun downing.
If you have not already done so contact your local social services to arrange a needs assessment for your mum and a carers assessment for yourself. Please explain to them that you are finding your caring role difficult at present and could do with more help.

 

[Params589]

Hy
Is it's real that anybody able to support me or just a kind of other platforms?
Because as much problem I'm facing in my life I'm damn sure nobody in this world faced and that's true. So is there anyone who able to help me Please. Because those things are too much and unable to write here. Because I feel this is also a platform and nobody cares.

Thank you

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hy
Is it's real that anybody able to support me or just a kind of other platforms?
Because as much problem I'm facing in my life I'm damn sure nobody in this world faced and that's true. So is there anyone who able to help me Please. Because those things are too much and unable to write here. Because I feel this is also a platform and nobody cares.

Thank you

Hello @Params589 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. Can you tell us a little more about what your problem is. If you do not want to discuss this on an open forum you could contact the Alzheimer's Society Helpline to discuss this issue in private. I have attached their contact details below.

Contact us

Find out how to get in touch with Alzheimer's Society by phone, email, post or online.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[cymbid]

im so sorry this must be dreadful for you. I think it is time for residential care for you mum. You cannot let your own health go down.

 

[deggs.m]

Hello @deggs.m

The "want to go home" loop happens when they are confused and anxious, but do not understand what is happening to them. They think that if they can only get back "home" where they felt safe (and its usually a previous/childhood home) then they will leave all the confusion behind, not realising that they will simply take it with them. My mum wanted to go home to her childhood home that had been bombed in the war and she thought that her parents and siblings (all long dead) would be waiting for her. Truly a mission impossible!

I would speak to her doctor to see if her medication could be "tweaked" to improve things. In the meantime see if there is some "reason" why she should stay there that night? Perhaps say, yes, you will take her home but its too dark/cold/icy now, so you will take her "tomorrow" (which never comes!)

Thank you for your reply.
I have spoken to her doctor on many many ocassions not very help. Yes her parents past 40 years ago I do know they go back to their childhood.
It’s the wanting to go home especially when she’s just come back from the day center mum tries pushes past me to try and get out of the house but I put the mortise lock on but she’s shouting let me out I want to go home.
She does not recognise me as her son in the afternoon she think am her brother, her lover even her husband and a cousin.
She is fine morning she recognises me in the morning but once it reaches 2 o’clock as you all know her personality changes and as you all know it’s constant questioning every 3 seconds the same question.
I just need to know what can I do to try and calm her down and settle her down I am on my own with mum but it’s so so difficult I don’t want her to go in a home yet. I just don’t know we’re to turn. Thank you

 

[deggs.m]

im so sorry this must be dreadful for you. I think it is time for residential care for you mum. You cannot let your own health go down.

I have chronic health conditions myself so it’s so so hard day and night she’s up in the night or wanting to get up around 5am. I know even now thinking about a care home I would feel so guilty.
Thank you for your reply

 

[canary]

Have you told the doctor what you have told us @deggs.m ? - in other words that she is desperately trying to go out in the evening and during the night, which will put her at risk, and you have to lock her in?

I think only medication will help, so keep on at the doctor. Sometimes you have to be persistent.

 

[pobbie1959]

Hi I have had a lot of similar problems with my husband, he's under the mental health team who referred him
to the 'Dementia rapid response' team, they have given me loads of practical advice, do you have access to one of these, if not the admiral nurses from Dementia UK are excellent.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @pobbie1959 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. Thank you for your contribution to this thread. It is the help that or members give each other that makes the Forum so special. It's a great place to ask questions, pass on or receive ideas, find solace in sharing with others and let off steam. It helped me enormously when I was at my lowest ebb looking after my wife.

 

[deggs.m]

Hi I have had a lot of similar problems with my husband, he's under the mental health team who referred him
to the 'Dementia rapid response' team, they have given me loads of practical advice, do you have access to one of these, if not the admiral nurses from Dementia UK are excellent.

Hello
Thank you for your reply. No I don’t how do I go about that. Do you have that issue with your husband. What stage is your husband at. Thank you so much for your advice