Advice re children and later stage dementia =o(

[gill dix]

children and visits

depends on the day, the children, the experience.

My father is very challenging but he is softer and more compliant with children. However if i felt a child was in any way threatened, frightened or upset by his behaviour i would consider not taking them. I think at 9 your youngster has the right to make an informed decision. If neither party gains any pleasure from the visit it is not fulfilling any important role in my opinion.

 

[frazzled1]

"Nutty Nan"s suggestion is the best (having had to keep young kids happy in such situations.) If children keep visiting even if its just for a very short period of time, the kids dont grow up feeling they wish they had spent more time with the eldery relative and have regrets about not doing so). I asked to be taken to a grandparents nursing home when i was about 8 to be told "no, hes not really in a fit state for visitors and all that......" i remember thinking, as a kid, "o.k. so i bet that means hes always wetting himself or something, but that doesnt bother me as i did that all the time when i was a baby" so why cant i visit???", and i felt sad years later that he died and i hadnt had a chance to keep up the visits as although he was physically unfit he still loved me and i loved him. Before he went into the home, i remembered him being like that old man in the book "Goodnight Mr Tom" (he looked similar...... so thats another stage play i cant see without crying)

 

[frazzled1]

.... would it help if each of the children had something to take along, perhaps a drawing, a photograph, a soft toy, a homemade cupcake or cookie, a silky scarf or similar to give to grandma? That would give you an opening for conversation, something tangible to focus on, rather than just sitting there and waiting for something to happen.
People in care homes rarely have enough initiative to start (or sustain) chatting, which can be a bit difficult.
I do think children should be included, if possible. They can bring a lot of joy to all the residents in a CH, which is rewarding in itself.
A lesson in life, perhaps?
Good luck to you all!

its better to visit for 5 minutes, with a kiss and a hug and a "cheerio", than not to go at all, if a child seems unsure.

 

[tweetypie]

Just do what you think is best

We're all different, what's right for one would be totally wrong for another!

My mum's had Alzheimer's for over 10 years now.

My parents kept me (I'm an only child) at arms length all my life.

I had to phone and make an appointment to visit them, always at a time convenient to them.

Now mum's in a home - my boy's aged 15 and 19 years don't want to visit her at all.

That's fine with me.

I don't visit very often as it upsets me every time, there is nothing left of the mum I knew - but in some ways that's a good thing

I'd wait until she's quiet all the time, completely non aggressive and take them to see her then. It will give them a better impression and if it's a last impression it will be a better one.

I'd never make my kids visit an elderly relative, it's often very boring and I think it's unfair to make them, just my own opinion.

If they wanted to go, then fine - but mine don't!