Advice please

[Kay27]

I have worked with dementia sufferers for over 10years, but always in a nursing home setting. For the past year and a half I have been working as a carer in the community and one of the ladies I visit (a 30min call) I am getting quite concerned about. She has dementia and her short term memory is terrible! We can sit and chat about her childhood for ages, but ask her about something that happened 5minutes ago and shes completely forgotton.
My issue is that she is becoming very anxious and depressed about the fact that her 3 daughters haven't been in touch or visited.....this of course isn't the case, its just she forgets that she has seen/heard from them. It was her birthday at the weekend and all the girls came down and took her out for a birthday meal....a day later and she has no recollection of this and becomes quite distressed when reminded because she cannot remember at all!
She spends all her day obsessing and getting cross that her daughters have abandoned her (all girls live away) and because of this, the 3 calls she has a day (all 30mins) are spent sat with her trying to explain and reason with her....we have tried everything from distraction to steering the conversation away from her daughters, but she is so fixated on this issue, its causing her to feel very low and depressed.
Ii will be speaking to my manager regarding medication to ease her agitation, but does anyone have any advice or suggestions as to how to help prompt her memory or ease her anxiety?

 

[janma221]

Similar to my mother although I am an only child and live 2 hours drive away. She often accuses me of not saying goodbye to her when I phone to tell her I have returned home safely. I now write her a little note before I leave thanking her for a lovely day. I wonder if perhaps you could take a photo of visits from her daughters to show her that they have visited her?

 

[Katrine]

For a year or so an idea that worked for us was to have a Visitors Book at MIL's house. It allowed family members to make notes about repairs done etc. but also to record details of outings, shopping, entertainment enjoyed together. At first she enjoyed reading the comments but gradually she 'lost' the book all the time, putting it in odd places, and eventually we realised through things she said that she didn't like it any more.

How must it feel to read things written down about recent events that you have no memory of? Sad that you can't remember, in denial of them happening because you can't remember, a reminder that you must be 'mad' if you can't remember, etc. However, I would still recommend using such a book, at least to try it out. Comments, jokes and drawings by grandchildren were particularly enjoyed.

 

[Kay27]

A visitors book had crossed my mind....Thankyou so much for your advice x