Advice Please

[Pepsirat]

Hi, I live with my mother with Alzheimer’s in her home. I get no help with my mother at moment and have not had one full day to myself in 2 years.

I love my mother but she was a difficult woman before the Alzheimer’s but even worse now. My family can only give me very limited help because the work full time.

She will not have care givers in or go to any community center and refused to go to my brothers wedding.

My family think she needs to go into care, as I have to leave her in the house sometimes as she won’t go out with me. I try not to be long but I had a hospital appointment that was 5 hour and found her trying to walk the dog that she can not handle.

I want to look after her but it’s becoming impossible and I’m scared that if she does I’ll be kicked out, homeless with my pets.

Have no savings because the past two years we have had so many emergency’s that took my savings. So I would not be able to get myself a place.

I know that sounds selfish but I’m really scared. Looking after mother has also made me very isolated and have lost the people I talked to through deaths.

Any advice is appreciated

 

[Chizz]

Hi, I live with my mother with Alzheimer’s in her home. I get no help with my mother at moment and have not had one full day to myself in 2 years.

I love my mother but she was a difficult woman before the Alzheimer’s but even worse now. My family can only give me very limited help because the work full time.

She will not have care givers in or go to any community center and refused to go to my brothers wedding.

My family think she needs to go into care, as I have to leave her in the house sometimes as she won’t go out with me. I try not to be long but I had a hospital appointment that was 5 hour and found her trying to walk the dog that she can not handle.

I want to look after her but it’s becoming impossible and I’m scared that if she does I’ll be kicked out, homeless with my pets.

Have no savings because the past two years we have had so many emergency’s that took my savings. So I would not be able to get myself a place.

I know that sounds selfish but I’m really scared. Looking after mother has also made me very isolated and have lost the people I talked to through deaths.

Any advice is appreciated

Hi @Pepsirat
Firstly, welcome to the forum. Lots of info on the Alz's Soc website.

Secondly, sorry to read about your mum, and your lack of support.

Every full time carer needs respite for their own mental and physical wellbeing and health. If you are not right, you can't properly look after another. Lack of sleep is a real problem for carers.

However, the needs of the PWD trump the PWD's wants. You say your mum won't have carers in or won't go to a day centre. My view is that it is not up to her. It's what you, as carer need! In my humble view the needs far outweigh the wants. Your mum may want, but that is not how to judge the position.

There comes a time when if you feel you can't continue as you are, or you feel you can't give the care that your mum needs, that your mum might need to go into a care home that can meet her requirements. A care home has day staff, night staff, staff to deal with shopping cooking and feeding, staff to deal with laundry and washing, staff to deal with cleaning and repairing the premises, dealing with the garden, etc, etc. A sole full time carer can't do all these things and stay well, especially if the PWD is or is becoming demanding/difficult/ unwell etc.

Have you had a care assessment (to show the needs of your mum) or a carer's assessment (to show your needs as carer) by LA ASS? If not you should apply for one, or for an update on one.

If your mum were t go into a care home, would she be a self funder? This makes an enormous difference as to how to go forwarf.

You need to make enquiries about the care and nursing homes in your area - what services they provide, what they charge, etc and then for your own respite and recovery see if they would take your mum for one or two weeks during which time you can re-charge your batteries.

Best wishes and a hug.

 

[Pepsirat]

Thank you for your kind reply. Yeah I think you are right as I can not cope the house is getting messy as she is none stop and I don’t have the energy. I have emailed them asking for a carers assessment just waiting to hear back.

My mam gets her pension and waiting on attendance allowance. I think she would be happier in a home she use to be very social but won’t go anywhere now. Nobody visits her apart from a few family members now and then.

She owns her own home.

 

[Chizz]

Hi @Pepsirat

If you are over 60 and have a right to live in your mum's house, then the value of the house might be disregarded in a means test for self funding.
If you are under 60 and/or don't have a legal right to live in the house, but do, then it is likely the value of the house will be taken into account in a means test.
If you have nowhere else to go, then
- to get the LA ASS to act you have to show them you are at CRISIS point and can't and won't go on You will REALLY need to make a fuss.
- the LA ASS will resist moving your mum to a care home if it means they have to spend money themselves
- you need to get them to move your mum to a care home that can cope with her needs - and for a Deferred Loan Agreement - that is, where they pay the care home, but register a charge (a mortgage) against the property title (so that they will get their money back on a sale of the property or when you move out)

You should probably seek advice/info from the Alz's Soc helpline - on their website

Best wishes

 

[Pepsirat]

Hi @Pepsirat

If you are over 60 and have a right to live in your mum's house, then the value of the house might be disregarded in a means test for self funding.
If you are under 60 and/or don't have a legal right to live in the house, but do, then it is likely the value of the house will be taken into account in a means test.
If you have nowhere else to go, then
- to get the LA ASS to act you have to show them you are at CRISIS point and can't and won't go on You will REALLY need to make a fuss.
- the LA ASS will resist moving your mum to a care home if it means they have to spend money themselves
- you need to get them to move your mum to a care home that can cope with her needs - and for a Deferred Loan Agreement - that is, where they pay the care home, but register a charge (a mortgage) against the property title (so that they will get their money back on a sale of the property or when you move out)

You should probably seek advice/info from the Alz's Soc helpline - on their website

Best wishes

Thank you for your kind reply, I have just spoken to my brother and he said he will help me with a deposit for a place of my own.