Advice please
- Thread starter Auroa
- Start date
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- alzheimer's disease
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I'd suggest you need an urgent conversation with your GP and a social worker, if you have one. Whatever you do, please don't just hope it will settle down without any help, as it probably won't. You need to look after yourself as well as him.
Hi @Auroa
Firstly, welcome to this forum, with lots of friendly carers. There's also a wealth of info on the AS website you can look through.
Secondly, v sorry to read your post.
Apart from
(1) speaking with or writing to your husband's GP telling of your concerns and the latest developments to get a review of medication that might help;
(2) you could ask your Local Authority Adult Social Services to carry out
(a) a care assessment to see what, if any, help your OH needs and,
(b) if you want, a carer's assessment to se what, if any, help you need;
you could also, if there is any violence and/or any likelihood of your OH being a danger either to himself or to you then call 999 in case of emergency.
Usually, each day is as good as it gets, and your OH isn't likely to get better.
Best wishes to you and a hug.
Firstly, welcome to this forum, with lots of friendly carers. There's also a wealth of info on the AS website you can look through.
Secondly, v sorry to read your post.
Apart from
(1) speaking with or writing to your husband's GP telling of your concerns and the latest developments to get a review of medication that might help;
(2) you could ask your Local Authority Adult Social Services to carry out
(a) a care assessment to see what, if any, help your OH needs and,
(b) if you want, a carer's assessment to se what, if any, help you need;
you could also, if there is any violence and/or any likelihood of your OH being a danger either to himself or to you then call 999 in case of emergency.
Usually, each day is as good as it gets, and your OH isn't likely to get better.
Best wishes to you and a hug.
Hello @Auroa , and welcome to this friendly and supportive forum from me too. There is much shared experience of dementia to be found here, as hopefully you will have seen already from the replies you have had.
I am sorry to read of your husband's dementia. As the advice already, I cannot really add anything further, but I think a sense of urgency and priority given to both contacting GP and Social Services . And do use 999 if there is any possibility of him becoming a danger to you or himself.
Wishing you strength to get through this awful time.
I am sorry to read of your husband's dementia. As the advice already, I cannot really add anything further, but I think a sense of urgency and priority given to both contacting GP and Social Services . And do use 999 if there is any possibility of him becoming a danger to you or himself.
Wishing you strength to get through this awful time.
Thank you all for replies and advice. My daughter had already spoken to the GP and the crisis team and Admiral nurses and a psychiatrist.
It seems no one really wants to help when you need it. The situation is taking its toll on me and my daughters. However my daughter has arranged a visit to a care home for an assessment to see if they will take him for respite. I feel guilty about this as I was a nurse for 40 years and thought that I could look after him.
It seems no one really wants to help when you need it. The situation is taking its toll on me and my daughters. However my daughter has arranged a visit to a care home for an assessment to see if they will take him for respite. I feel guilty about this as I was a nurse for 40 years and thought that I could look after him.
I’m sorry you aren’t getting the support you need. Do NOT feel guilty about considering a respite placement for your husband. When you were nursing (a) you had days off (b) you didn’t have the emotional skin in the game you have now, and (c) your own life wasn’t being destroyed too.
When I started on this path getting on for four years ago now my assumption (also as an ex-nurse) was that my OH would be looked after at home throughout. Not any more.
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Thank you. Today myself and my daughters went to look around a care home with a view for an assessment and respite. I couldn’t take it and burst into tears.
It just reminded me of my days when I worked in geriatrics ( now care of the elderly).
Even though OH doesn’t recognise me a lot of the time and tells me to get out, swears at me, has locked me out I couldn’t do it. He is still physically active and rarely sits down always needing to do something, even though he doesn’t like me cleaning the house, talking on the phone etc. I know I need to do something but it’s so hard, tomorrow we will have been married for 45 years. He is 75 and I am 68.
It just reminded me of my days when I worked in geriatrics ( now care of the elderly).
Even though OH doesn’t recognise me a lot of the time and tells me to get out, swears at me, has locked me out I couldn’t do it. He is still physically active and rarely sits down always needing to do something, even though he doesn’t like me cleaning the house, talking on the phone etc. I know I need to do something but it’s so hard, tomorrow we will have been married for 45 years. He is 75 and I am 68.
Hi @Auroa
Congratulations for your wedding anniversary on Saturday! Even if only one of you knows, it's a testament to the loving relationship that you had for all that pre-d times!
Best wishes. Have a glass or two!
I'm sorry you aren't getting any help. Our GP was hopeless. The crisis team and following that the team from community health care have been really helpful to us. My OH wasn't aggressive but respiridone helped to settle him and reduce the hallucinations so keep fighting to get the help he needs.
@Auroa I'm sorry to hear about your husband's aggression. It sounds very like how my dad was. He was also telling mum to get out, swearing & being aggressive - he even emptied the contents of her wardrobe onto the roof of the car on one occasion. They've been very happily married for 53 years. It was a horrendous time.
I rang Social Care (several times, including late one night) but it was when I said my parents were 'not safe' that made the difference. The mental health team were involved & dad put on Respiridone, which has made a huge difference.
Sending hugs to you.
I rang Social Care (several times, including late one night) but it was when I said my parents were 'not safe' that made the difference. The mental health team were involved & dad put on Respiridone, which has made a huge difference.
Sending hugs to you.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Safeguarding has been mentioned in conversation with the different services. However the advice going forward is trying Sertraline and respite.
My daughters are having to do all the contacting as OH doesn’t like me talking on the phone. Today has been another difficult day so I have had to leave the house for a short time,
My daughters are having to do all the contacting as OH doesn’t like me talking on the phone. Today has been another difficult day so I have had to leave the house for a short time,
That sounds like a positive step. So glad you have some help. Fingers firmly crossed for you that things are settled now.
Unfortunately things haven’t worked out with the medication at home. So this evening my OH was sectioned under the mental health act. It wasn’t very pleasant to se my OH put in a mental health ambulance in a cage. He was very aggressive. However I have received a phone call from the ward to say he is settled, so that was positive, but recommended not to visit for a couple days as it may unsettle him. My hope is that my OH is able to home a calmer person. It has been a stressful day and my daughters have been there for me.
Hello @Auroa , having a loved one sectioned is indeed very stressful. Although the circumstances were very different, my mum was sectioned last year. She is now on a specialist unit in a care home and she is very content and looks better than she has done for some time.
I think the ward is correct to say don’t visit for a while, not only will it confuse and upset your OH,you also need time to deal with the emotional out fall from going through this. He is safe, he will be getting the care he needs and they will keep you informed if my experiences is anything to go by. This is the dementia not him,I know being a nurse you know this but when it gets personal it’s good to keep reminding yourself of this. Let us know how you get on. X
I think the ward is correct to say don’t visit for a while, not only will it confuse and upset your OH,you also need time to deal with the emotional out fall from going through this. He is safe, he will be getting the care he needs and they will keep you informed if my experiences is anything to go by. This is the dementia not him,I know being a nurse you know this but when it gets personal it’s good to keep reminding yourself of this. Let us know how you get on. X
Thank you for your replies. Today hit me hard, all different emotions. 24 hours on and reassuring words from members of staff that OH has been kept distracted and is not distressed We have sent in some familiar things for OH. Hopefully we will be able to visit soon.
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