Hello Dave63, thanks for the link, will have ago.Hi @SarahJC the Alzheimers.org site has a support page where you can enter your location and it will show any support/activity groups in your area.
Find support near you
Use our dementia directory to find local support services for people with dementia and their carers in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.www.alzheimers.org.uk
I think your expectations of what a Care Home would provide socially for your Mum are based on hopes rather than reality. Over the years I’ve visited various relatives, former neighbours etc in Homes (most recently my Mum for 5 years) and rarely did I see residents interacting with other residents , only visitors and staff, and this includes Activity Sessions. I asked my Mum on a number of occasions why she didn’t talk to other residents, but I never really got an answer. I think for the most part it was initiating a conversation that was too difficult for them- they could respond, but not start.Thank you Cking for your post. I think this is why I am wracking by brains to find something because I read posts about what a care home will provide and the person less isolated to be with people of her age. My mum isn’t isolated though because we take turns living with her. It’s just some days I feel I need something to lift me, as in a group we could do together, as i know my mum picks up on things quickly.
Hello Pat 2529, sounds like you have a lot going on locally. We did go to a Menory Cafe group which was great, a couple of hours for my mum and I got a chance to chat to carers which I liked. Perhaps we need to re-register but not really sure as my mum has changes quite a bit since a year ago. I understand you feeling exacerbated with the situation, very isolating, there maybe helpful advice later on this thread, I have been given some useful ideas …We attend a weekly Memory Cafe which my husband likes. We attend church on Sunday mornings and go food shopping, but he won’t go anywhere else. No other Memory Cafés, or church events, visits to friends or relatives. No local cafés, lunch out, afternoon teas or local concerts/gatherings. Holidays are a thing of the past sadly. There are plenty of groups in our village, and ones in the area but he just wants to stay home, watches uTube videos or reads. Help! I feel like I’m stuck in Groundhog Day.
Yes I do wonder if this will be the situation but just trying to not overlook a basic need. Sometimes I am okay with our situation but other times also think it would be good for us and is a learning curve, negotiating around caring for my mum with dementia, thanksI think your expectations of what a Care Home would provide socially for your Mum are based on hopes rather than reality. Over the years I’ve visited various relatives, former neighbours etc in Homes (most recently my Mum for 5 years) and rarely did I see residents interacting with other residents , only visitors and staff, and this includes Activity Sessions. I asked my Mum on a number of occasions why she didn’t talk to other residents, but I never really got an answer. I think for the most part it was initiating a conversation that was too difficult for them- they could respond, but not start.
We attend a weekly Memory Cafe which my husband likes. We attend church on Sunday mornings and go food shopping, but he won’t go anywhere else. No other Memory Cafés, or church events, visits to friends or relatives. No local cafés, lunch out, afternoon teas or local concerts/gatherings. Holidays are a thing of the past sadly. There are plenty of groups in our village, and ones in the area but he just wants to stay home, watches uTube videos or reads. Help! I feel like I’m stuck in Groundhog Day.
@Pat2592 You could be describing my husband only he will not go anywhere at all. I had a carers assessment and get two periods of respite per week. It’s not a lot but does mean that it can get a break away from caring. Have you had an assessment, if not it might be an idea to contact your local adult social services to arrange one.We attend a weekly Memory Cafe which my husband likes. We attend church on Sunday mornings and go food shopping, but he won’t go anywhere else. No other Memory Cafés, or church events, visits to friends or relatives. No local cafés, lunch out, afternoon teas or local concerts/gatherings. Holidays are a thing of the past sadly. There are plenty of groups in our village, and ones in the area but he just wants to stay home, watches uTube videos or reads. Help! I feel like I’m stuck in Groundhog Day.
@SarahJC Copy and paste username you @Foundagoodbooktolivein Space before @ eg. @username then space before message. Does that make sense?🤣Morning Foundagoodbooktolivein, sorry not yet found out how to copy/paste user names! You have a lot going on and sound like you need more support than you are currently getting and i know not easily achieved.
But i hope maybe the forum will respond to give some practical advice, as you sound like you need this.
Have you had a Carer's assessment yet, I've not yet got this myself so don't know from experience but i think important for you. Also contact the forum for advice.
Also Adult Social Care, ring them and let them know your situation, they need to complete a home visit/assessment, possible care package. This takes time to get in my experience but i guess it is priority led, and i hope you may have more joy than me! I should think so.
Do you need to contact GP again, as perhaps a referral to district nursing team in needed regarding husband wounds on feet.
As already mentioned, i am negotiating my was around our dementia journey and realize all our circumstances are different but whatever the situation it is very challenging at times and overwhelming.
I've read many times on here something around 'try to live in the the person's world of dementia as you will never win the battle trying to convince them otherwise'. I know easier said than done sometimes but a good mantra to try to go by. So please reach out and also contact this forum support line.
Hello @Foundagoodbooktolivein I am so sorry to read about all of the issues that you are facing. Have you contacted the adult social services in your area for a needs assessment for your husband and a carers assessment for yourself. As a result of my assessment I get two respite sessions per week. Only a few hours but it helps. AgeUK in some areas also provide a sitting service.I don't know what I am supposed to take my husband to. He is totally deaf, can't walk with rheumatoid arthritis in his feet and can't go near other people because he is afraid of catching things from them because he has been left with only one lung due to lung disease! I am quite unable to leave my home because of him, as no one offers baby sitting for adults. I can't even find a retired nurse who would be willing to dress his wounds on his feet. He totally dislikes the nurses at his G.P. surgery because they make it obvious they don't like dressing his feet. I'm no more willing to dress them than they are, so if anyone knows how to get a reasonably priced health care assistant privately, who could visit him at home to do dressings, I would be grateful, (I have rung all the Podiatrists in the area, but no one will do home visits.) I may be wrong, but I don't think a lot of the men really accept it that they have Alzheimer's disease. Yesterday he tried to tell me the Beatle George Harrison was still alive and got really cross because I pointed out he'd been dead for nearly 20 years! Mostly he doesn't hear a word I say, so I don't say anything anymore. No point in it for either of us. NHS hearing aids were useless and it is not thought that expensive private ones would be any better, since the hearing loss is in the brain, not the ear. I'm desperate to go to my best friend's funeral but I'll have to stump up over a hundred pounds in taxi fare to go - I don't drive and no one would take me.
@maggie6445. That’s useful info, thank you
Hi @SarahJC , my oh and I go to dementia cafes ,games and singing. It's been my lifeline. We've made friends with others and go out for a cafe meal together once a week and local amateurs musicals.Hi, yes I have thought about a day centre but was surprised how much it costs around £80 per day. I have put this on the back burner for time being as have recently arranged a carer to come in for 1.30 hours so I can work/care for my mum on occasional week both clash. That’s not cheap either! But peace of mind and again some stimulation.