Advice needed

[LizziP]

I moved my mum and dad to a care home near me ,100 miles from where they lived , both suffered from dementia, my dad worse than my mum .They both settled well and I could see them more often with less stress.
My mum has passed away peacefully and my dad just doesn’t seem to be aware that she has gone .
I am arranging her funeral as a small family one and I know this seems an awful thing to ask , but should I take my dad ? I just don’t know what to do . One minute I think I should take him as they were married for 67 years , but then he just seems to be so totally unaware that I don’t want to cause him any upset if it suddenly dawns on him what’s happened ?

 

[Canadian Joanne]

If you think there is a possibility he will realize what is going on and get upset, then I personally would not take him there. Ye, they were married for 67 years but I suspect a fair bit of that is fuzzy to your father. Why put him in a potentially upsetting situation?

I never told my mother that 2 sisters, a brother and current and ex-husbands died. There was no point. I was busy enough fending off questions about my grandparents, who would have been 110+.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Please don't take him. If he was very ill with some other disease, you'd accept that it wasn't appropriate for him to go and this is no different. It sounds like he's fairly settled and the funeral might be really distressing for him.

I'm sorry for your loss.