You may find this case slightly unusual. Most posts here seem to be about the difficulties in giving help to people with dementia, but that's not the case here. My FIL is in a care home where he is getting the best of care. He does not have dementia but he is an invalid due to a stroke. He requires 24x7 nursing care and is fed via a tube. Everyone is happy with the care home except the MIL. She wants him home (back at her flat). She has dementia but the authorities do not recognise this. The care home say that her will shall prevail as the next of kin. She cannot look after herself, let alone him, but she refuses to recognise this. She takes denial to a whole new level. It looks like the care home will comply with her wish. What can we do? The care home refuse to act against her wishes, as expressed by my wife and her brother and sisters. The MILs dementia and frailty could easily be the cause of his death if she gets him back to the flat. We are at our wits end.
Advice needed: MIL is hindering care of FIL due to her dementia
- Thread starter marlowa
- Start date
Well I might be wrong but the care home has a duty of care towards your FIL and if they proceed to take your FIL out of the home and that you have voiced concerns regarding your MIL then you could say to the home that you will be forced to take legal action if anything should happen to your FIL. I do not think anyone has the right over someone else if it should put them at risk. Put this in writing and copy this to their GP and all thosed concerned. My mum has dementia and when my father was at home dying with cancer, she was at some point in charge of his medication!! I found his pills on the stairs and she was still insistent that she gave him his pills, yes of course she did, yesterday!! I hope that someone on TP has had this experience and able to advise you what you can do.
Has FIL got capacity?
If he has does he back up MIL's request?
The care home will most likely ask for some form of disclaimer to be signed.
Have a talk to both their GPs, they will not be able to discuss anything but have a duty of care to their patients and should therefore listen to what you have to say.
If he has does he back up MIL's request?
The care home will most likely ask for some form of disclaimer to be signed.
Have a talk to both their GPs, they will not be able to discuss anything but have a duty of care to their patients and should therefore listen to what you have to say.
No.
He does whatever she says.
. I doubt it. They have already indicated that the will of the next of kin will prevail. It's part of their procedure.
That sounds like good advice. Thank you. I hadn't thought of that one. I hope they will realise that the dementia means we are forced to intervene.
If a dementia sufferer is in denial things can become very difficult, white lies and subterfuge are best, as a last resort there is a formal option of applying to the Court of Protection.
Just hope the GPs cooperate, a memory clinic appointment for MIL would be a good start - but she would have to agree to this.
Just hope the GPs cooperate, a memory clinic appointment for MIL would be a good start - but she would have to agree to this.
