Advice about my mum, and some questions about dementia
- Thread starter john-w
- Start date
Hi John
Because we are the kind of people we are, looking after our families, young, not so young and the natures we are as people, we will always put them first, no matter what they or others would tell us to do.
Some of the new soups around have lentils in. Lentils are really nutritious. Your mum will remember lentils from the 40's and 50's because they used a lot of them then for sustinence, when food wasn't so plentiful.
Best wishes
Because we are the kind of people we are, looking after our families, young, not so young and the natures we are as people, we will always put them first, no matter what they or others would tell us to do.
Some of the new soups around have lentils in. Lentils are really nutritious. Your mum will remember lentils from the 40's and 50's because they used a lot of them then for sustinence, when food wasn't so plentiful.
Best wishes
Hello John, at risk of breaching the TP policies, my mum has been twice recommended by dieticians to take Build Up soups ( packets), available from Boots as these apparently are more nutritious than savoury Ensure ( tinned), I'm told. Build Up soups are not available on the NHS but Ensure is, I was told. My mum does take the Build Up soups, they tell me, but I am a bit sceptical because she doesn't enjoy them whenever I offer them. Worth trying, anyway.
My mum practically lived on tinned chicken soup when she was in hospital which I took in daily in a flask.
Other advice was to fortify the food with cream wherever possible. ( Dietician said firmly 'Double Cream!' to annoy the nursing home I think!) Try a soft diet that doesn't involve a lot of chewing on tough edges. Also, the recommendation was to offer 'small and often'.
I think that the lack of appetite was made worse by the fear of incontinence in my mum's case but she seems to have come through that a bit now and although she has lost the most heartwrenching amount of weight, she does now have a slightly restored appetite. She has even rediscovered a fondness for sweet things, which mysteriously she couldn't abide, for many months last year.
To my delight, she polished off a plate of roast dinner yesterday and followed on with a bowl of rice pudding and jam. Not bad for someone who was presumed, in hospital last year, to have given up eating. She did have a funny turn one day last week when she took food into her mouth and then needed instructions as to what to do next. She got quite cross with us for in her view, not telling her, or telling her things that she thought she was already doing. It took about an hour to get some soup and three slices of bread and soft toppings down her, but we got there in the end. Be prepared to apologise, I say! Or just give up for a minute or two and then come back again. I don't force my mum to feed, but I make sure that when I'm there, if there's food around, she gets lots of chances to eat it, if she wants to.
My mum practically lived on tinned chicken soup when she was in hospital which I took in daily in a flask.
Other advice was to fortify the food with cream wherever possible. ( Dietician said firmly 'Double Cream!' to annoy the nursing home I think!) Try a soft diet that doesn't involve a lot of chewing on tough edges. Also, the recommendation was to offer 'small and often'.
I think that the lack of appetite was made worse by the fear of incontinence in my mum's case but she seems to have come through that a bit now and although she has lost the most heartwrenching amount of weight, she does now have a slightly restored appetite. She has even rediscovered a fondness for sweet things, which mysteriously she couldn't abide, for many months last year.
To my delight, she polished off a plate of roast dinner yesterday and followed on with a bowl of rice pudding and jam. Not bad for someone who was presumed, in hospital last year, to have given up eating. She did have a funny turn one day last week when she took food into her mouth and then needed instructions as to what to do next. She got quite cross with us for in her view, not telling her, or telling her things that she thought she was already doing. It took about an hour to get some soup and three slices of bread and soft toppings down her, but we got there in the end. Be prepared to apologise, I say! Or just give up for a minute or two and then come back again. I don't force my mum to feed, but I make sure that when I'm there, if there's food around, she gets lots of chances to eat it, if she wants to.
another monday morning
Hi John - I just nipped onto the tp site before I take mum to have her leg dressed at the clinic. Mum moved in with me in nov 06 and one of the main reasons was her appetite declined.I used to ask her what she fancied for tea or if she would tell me when she got hungry but I have quickly learnt that the ability to decide on the type of food she wants and the hunger trigger have gone. So now I go for quality not quantity-small portions but more available if she wants it. I buy her lots of fresh organic soup and she loves them-however if I ever ask her if she fancies some soup she always says no. Mum's veggie and I respect that but you know if I cooked minced beef instead of quorn she would eat it now. I go for supermarkets own brand organic as have bought covent garden which is expensive. Mashed potatoes is another good one as you can add butter and bind chopped veg with it. Fish is also easy to mash and digest. What I am also trying to say is try little and often because mum said at first that I over faced her. She has a pudding every day -jelly/custard/rice pud- I buy the individual cartons so there is no waste and it stops me being tempted to eat puds. Hope this is helpful
Ange
Hi John - I just nipped onto the tp site before I take mum to have her leg dressed at the clinic. Mum moved in with me in nov 06 and one of the main reasons was her appetite declined.I used to ask her what she fancied for tea or if she would tell me when she got hungry but I have quickly learnt that the ability to decide on the type of food she wants and the hunger trigger have gone. So now I go for quality not quantity-small portions but more available if she wants it. I buy her lots of fresh organic soup and she loves them-however if I ever ask her if she fancies some soup she always says no. Mum's veggie and I respect that but you know if I cooked minced beef instead of quorn she would eat it now. I go for supermarkets own brand organic as have bought covent garden which is expensive. Mashed potatoes is another good one as you can add butter and bind chopped veg with it. Fish is also easy to mash and digest. What I am also trying to say is try little and often because mum said at first that I over faced her. She has a pudding every day -jelly/custard/rice pud- I buy the individual cartons so there is no waste and it stops me being tempted to eat puds. Hope this is helpful
Ange
Hi Angela, I think you made a good point in saying decisions are hard to make with those with Alz.
My husbands appetite is still good, but if I ask if he wants a drink, he throws it back at me saying `If you are having one.` If I ask what he would like for a meal, he asks what I would like. Even if I give him a choice, eg. `Do you fancy `this` or `that`, he asks what I fancy.
So now I say `I`m having a cup of tea, shall I make one for you` and he says `yes please.` Sometimes, he even offers to make it himself.
The reason I keep asking, is to try to keep him involved in his life. It would be so easy to put food before him without any discussion, but I need his imput as long as possible.
Love Sylvia x
My husbands appetite is still good, but if I ask if he wants a drink, he throws it back at me saying `If you are having one.` If I ask what he would like for a meal, he asks what I would like. Even if I give him a choice, eg. `Do you fancy `this` or `that`, he asks what I fancy.
So now I say `I`m having a cup of tea, shall I make one for you` and he says `yes please.` Sometimes, he even offers to make it himself.
The reason I keep asking, is to try to keep him involved in his life. It would be so easy to put food before him without any discussion, but I need his imput as long as possible.
Love Sylvia x
Deborah Blythe said:
I also had the impression that anxieties about incintinence effect appetite.
The patient might possibly be thinking - if I eat/drink this then it will make me go to the toilet and I want to avoid that.
I also wondered if there are actual physiological connections between eating and toiletting.
Many months ago, when my mum was in a much better condition, I noticed that she ALWAYS wanted to go to the toilet as soon as she started to eat her dinner. Before getting the dinner out, I would always ask her "do you want to go to the toilet", and she would always reply "no". Then as soon as she started to eat: "I want to go to the toilet".
I wondered whether, when the body is preparing to eat, if it relaxes in some way, and that effects the bladder muscles too. But I don't know.
Thank you very much for suggestions and support.
My mum's condition still scares me, and also my inability to do much about it. I feel completely responsible.
Yesterday (Sunday) didn't seem too bad a day. My mum was alert on-and-off between around midday and 6pm, and she watched a bit of TV, and I had plenty of opportunity to get some nutrients and fluids into her. I felt relatively optimistic.
But today she was only awake for about an hour, around midday, and she had 2 cups of tea and 1 Complan. But she's been dozing for the rest of the afternoon, which doesn't give much opportunity for feeding.
I tried to give her a cup of tea through a beaker, but she didn't want to take it.
You feel on a downward spiral - less fluids etc taken, and presumably less alertness, and so more difficulty in trying to administer further nourishment.
My mum's condition still scares me, and also my inability to do much about it. I feel completely responsible.
Yesterday (Sunday) didn't seem too bad a day. My mum was alert on-and-off between around midday and 6pm, and she watched a bit of TV, and I had plenty of opportunity to get some nutrients and fluids into her. I felt relatively optimistic.
But today she was only awake for about an hour, around midday, and she had 2 cups of tea and 1 Complan. But she's been dozing for the rest of the afternoon, which doesn't give much opportunity for feeding.
I tried to give her a cup of tea through a beaker, but she didn't want to take it.
You feel on a downward spiral - less fluids etc taken, and presumably less alertness, and so more difficulty in trying to administer further nourishment.
What an Interesting thread, brought up an issue I am having with my mother and not wanting to put incontinences pads on her , as then I feel it would get her out of the habit of going to the toilet , as now I am having to remained her to go to the toilet or other wise she holds it in and by the time she gets to the toilet , she wet herself . This use to happen last year and she use to get very embarrassed about it and I can’t blame her. I did try the pads last year , but she did not like them and someone told me that if I put pads on her she just get use to them and not use the toilet .
And now if I put them on her , as it can be me that forgets to remind her to go to the toilet as she sleeps a lot , she still go to the toilet with the pads on and forget to put them back on she really does not like them so I am respecting her wishes . So I am trying hard to remember to look at the time to keep reminding her to go to the toilet, this time around as my social worker says that I should put pads on her , as it save on wasing , but I have plastic sheet on her bed , and its not the bed she wets or chair , just that the floor on the way to the toilet .
So I do agree with you John when you say
I also find that mum does not like drinking to much because she has to keep going to the loo , I can’t force mum to drink and I do leave water next to her , she drink Milk , but I have been told its not good to drink to much milk because she diabetic .
I also find that my mother closes her eyes a lot I wonder what she thinking. I try not to do that as it all can get so depressing for me, but I suppose it’s a stage we may go through.
The dreaming we use to have conversation about it and I would get the dream book out , it would inspire mum to talk now she does not do it anymore even if I ask what she has dream about .
Yes I also feel scared , but I am just really pleased that my mother is not scared because she does not realize what is happening to her or how worse she is going to get , she ill she says and its because of her leg , chest diabetic . I give her loads of hugs sometime she does not respond back just wonder why I am hugging her and she smile back at me .
That’s all we can do really is ant it? Hugs love care. I keep telling myself she had a good life, long life mum 76. I have to tell myself this to try to keep myself positive as its all to sad and I can get very profound about life, yes Mr AZ has shown me we are not the car we drive, or the house we live in. Martial things are not what counts. We are brought up in a bubble in a comfort zone that only really bust when we are personnel face with terminal illness, or death. for me I feel this will break or make me and I know it will has made me a better person inside for seeing being there for my mother , yes I count my blessing . my faith now is spiritual rather then
Religion faith in myself
One universal love for all under one universe
And now if I put them on her , as it can be me that forgets to remind her to go to the toilet as she sleeps a lot , she still go to the toilet with the pads on and forget to put them back on she really does not like them so I am respecting her wishes . So I am trying hard to remember to look at the time to keep reminding her to go to the toilet, this time around as my social worker says that I should put pads on her , as it save on wasing , but I have plastic sheet on her bed , and its not the bed she wets or chair , just that the floor on the way to the toilet .
So I do agree with you John when you say
I also find that mum does not like drinking to much because she has to keep going to the loo , I can’t force mum to drink and I do leave water next to her , she drink Milk , but I have been told its not good to drink to much milk because she diabetic .
I also find that my mother closes her eyes a lot I wonder what she thinking. I try not to do that as it all can get so depressing for me, but I suppose it’s a stage we may go through.
The dreaming we use to have conversation about it and I would get the dream book out , it would inspire mum to talk now she does not do it anymore even if I ask what she has dream about .
Yes I also feel scared , but I am just really pleased that my mother is not scared because she does not realize what is happening to her or how worse she is going to get , she ill she says and its because of her leg , chest diabetic . I give her loads of hugs sometime she does not respond back just wonder why I am hugging her and she smile back at me .
That’s all we can do really is ant it? Hugs love care. I keep telling myself she had a good life, long life mum 76. I have to tell myself this to try to keep myself positive as its all to sad and I can get very profound about life, yes Mr AZ has shown me we are not the car we drive, or the house we live in. Martial things are not what counts. We are brought up in a bubble in a comfort zone that only really bust when we are personnel face with terminal illness, or death. for me I feel this will break or make me and I know it will has made me a better person inside for seeing being there for my mother , yes I count my blessing . my faith now is spiritual rather then
Religion faith in myself
One universal love for all under one universe
AZ may have made you a better person, Margarita, but I reckon you were always a very special person to your mum anyway. Bless you, love
It's up one day, and down the next, and then back up again.
I expect this rollercoaster is familiar to many of you.
I've now got Fortisip (and Forticream) on prescription (not a huge supply but enough for a little while).
I managed to get mum to take a Fortisip and 2 cups of tea by midday, and and second Fortisip and another couple of cups by 2pm.
Happiness is.
I also tried getting out of the incontinence nappy during the day and onto a commode. I suppose the success of this depends on how far individual patients have got. But in my mum's case it was very successful.
There are huge advantages in using a toilet or commode over nappies. Ranging from the obvious hygene and waste disposal issues, to, most importantly, a big reduction in the anxiety of the patient. Getting onto the commode can be an anxious business in itself, but that's soon over, and the patient is then comfortable, and not worrying the entire day.
I expect tomorrow will be a bummer.
I expect this rollercoaster is familiar to many of you.
jenniferpa said:
I've now got Fortisip (and Forticream) on prescription (not a huge supply but enough for a little while).
I managed to get mum to take a Fortisip and 2 cups of tea by midday, and and second Fortisip and another couple of cups by 2pm.
Happiness is.
Margarita said:
I also tried getting out of the incontinence nappy during the day and onto a commode. I suppose the success of this depends on how far individual patients have got. But in my mum's case it was very successful.
There are huge advantages in using a toilet or commode over nappies. Ranging from the obvious hygene and waste disposal issues, to, most importantly, a big reduction in the anxiety of the patient. Getting onto the commode can be an anxious business in itself, but that's soon over, and the patient is then comfortable, and not worrying the entire day.
I expect tomorrow will be a bummer.
