My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Consultant said it is at the serious/advanced stage and he can't be left unattended. I've applied for help with a sitting service but will be on a long waiting list. How do people cope with being unable to leave the house, make plans etc. We have no children and all other family members and friends are tied up with their own responsibilities so I'm totally on my own. At the minute if he's alert enough and seems comfortable I'm taking a chance and doing mad trolley dashes for shopping but that's the only time I leave the house and I'm climbing the walls. Advice welcome.
Advanced Alzheimer's
- Thread starter Briege
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- alzheimer's disease
I think it depends on why he can’t be left alone. My issue is that my Oh would go out and get lost so when I go out, I lock all the front of the house up so he can only get out into the back garden. I can do this for a few hours because he is only unsafe if he can get out and lost.
Have you thought of a dementia day centre, my OH goes 3 times a week and at this point, he has lower levels than others but they seem to accommodate a few levels. He previously went to a non dementia centre but he shouts occasionally and it’s intimidating but they out me in touch with a personal carer, half a day costs more than a full day at the new centre but it’s another option. We have to pay for everything so it’s up to me how much I spend! But as I say. All of that depends on what is needing help. Good luck.
Have you thought of a dementia day centre, my OH goes 3 times a week and at this point, he has lower levels than others but they seem to accommodate a few levels. He previously went to a non dementia centre but he shouts occasionally and it’s intimidating but they out me in touch with a personal carer, half a day costs more than a full day at the new centre but it’s another option. We have to pay for everything so it’s up to me how much I spend! But as I say. All of that depends on what is needing help. Good luck.
Hi @Briege and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your situation and fully understand it having been sole carer for my wife. I used to leave my wife in charge of the dog when I went out (once a week) but that became difficult and risky. If I went anywhere she had to come with me but bit by bit that meant going nowhere other than the supermarket. She would not go to the day centre I found.
What helped me enormously was engaging a carer/befriender from a local agency. This wasn't cheap but was funded by my wife. It gave me several hours one day a week when I could go out and forget about caring. It provided company for my wife, someone responsible to walk the dog and to encourage my wife's personal hygiene. Later on I had some longer periods (a few days) when my wife stayed at a respite centre. Ultimately, the success of those stays gave me the courage to arrange admission to a residential care home where she has lived for nearly 5 years.
What helped me enormously was engaging a carer/befriender from a local agency. This wasn't cheap but was funded by my wife. It gave me several hours one day a week when I could go out and forget about caring. It provided company for my wife, someone responsible to walk the dog and to encourage my wife's personal hygiene. Later on I had some longer periods (a few days) when my wife stayed at a respite centre. Ultimately, the success of those stays gave me the courage to arrange admission to a residential care home where she has lived for nearly 5 years.
Thanks. He has mobility issues and can't walk too far so I'm not afraid of that. I think it's more how frightened he would get. A lot of times he doesn't remember living here and wants to go home. A day centre would be a nightmare for him atm, I've spoken to his own doctor and family members and we all agree that it would stress him out so much it wouldn't be worth it but I know it's there for future consideration. Vascular dementia us also there in the background. He has fallen a few times lately and can be very unsteady so I think that's another reason I've been told not to leave him on his own. I know I'll adjust and manage somehow but I'm just finding it hard today. Thanks for your reply Ellie. It's nice to know people are out there with support and advice
Thanks Northumbrian.K. I think that's exactly what I need and as you say it gets them used slowly to other people doing the caring and also allows you not to feel guilty about not being able to do everything.
Yes, thanks. I've been applying for everything I can think of. I'm waiting for social worker to get back to me but have already been told that sitters are very hard to get, lack of availability. Thanks for your help.
Yes, my neighbour goes to one too but my OH would never be able to relax there, at the minute he needs the security of familiar objects and myself. And the cat . His own doctor also thinks it would be too stressful for him and would be harder for me to cope with.
Please do ask for council tax DISREGARD , not reduction. You will to get GP to sign a form that says severe mental impairment
Good luck. In our experience, it took ages. It seem to be blamed on Covid backlog. Eventually we did get the disregard and backpay.
Good luck. In our experience, it took ages. It seem to be blamed on Covid backlog. Eventually we did get the disregard and backpay.
This, definitely. We got my Dad's council tax disregard set up after many months of faffing but they did refund what had been paid from the point he became eligible to be disregarded.
Thanks. We're in NI so don't have council tax, lots of other problems but have so far managed to avoid that one. I'm still finding my way, have learnt that a long scenic drive really helps. I take the back roads and avoid the towns as often as possible. He really enjoys going to places "He hasn't been to since he was a child ". Our fairly regular summer drives and picnics. You Tube has also been a massive help. OH is/was a musician and played in bands all his life. I try to put a documentary or interview on first, people he can relate to and can follow and understand what they're talking about. I'll put on a concert afterwards. It seems to keep his mind active and relaxes him as well. He always seems to sleep better afterwards. Tv programmes (usually wildlife and documentaries) can be too quick somedays and he can't follow them. I bet the Beatles and the Stones never thought they'd be Alzheimer's aids.
