Admission for review

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Practice, Jan 12, 2016.

  1. Practice

    Practice Registered User

    Jun 3, 2013
    21
    My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's for four years, with symptoms for 5-6 years. I retired three years ago and have looked after him since then. I have no family support and have found it increasingly difficult to do so. Recently he has become more and more confused, always wanting to go home, thinking he is on holiday or in a home and a lot of the time does not recognise me as his wife but thinks I am his carer or a friend from years ago. His confusion is always worse first thing in the morning or after dark in the evening. More recently he has become more and more hostile towards me, saying I am stealing his car and telling me to get out of his house. He goes to his sister and tells her that "that woman is a ***** and is not making his meals and he wants her out etc. He can get very angry and I am frightened he will resort to physical violence which he has not done yet.

    I have spoken to the CPN on several occasions and his medication has been adjusted several times but doesn't seem to be making any difference. The last time I spoke to the CPN she spoke to the consultant who has now recommended that he go into the ward in the hospital for an assessment of his needs. This will take about three weeks and according to a family member the ward is not a very nice place. I am so torn and cant decide whether to go ahead with this but I am at my wits end and my health is suffering. He flatly refuses to have any help in the house or goo to any kin of day care. I would appreciate any advice
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,790
    Female
    Scotland
    How reliable is the family member? Are they generally a negative, glass half empty person? You can at least give the assessment a try as things dont sound good at all. Remember not to rush to judge in the first few days of his admission as it will take time to settle him in.

    My advice would be to give it a go as a first step forward.
     
  3. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    427
    This sounds so much like my husband before he went away. I cant offer any advice n how to cope, because I couldnt cope myself in the end. I tried different things to give myself a break - started him at a day centre, but he got barred from that after 3 times as he was upsetting the others there. His "friends" who he had lunch with every week told me they no longer wanted him as he was too difficult and was upsetting the pub staff. He swung between begging me to take him home to his wife and babies or his mother and then telling me to get out of the house because he didnt know who I was, chasing me with a stick sometimes. Refused to have any help at home as there was nothing wrong with him. He got aggressive with me to the point where I was very scared, and used to lock myself in my room at night. In the end I broke down and social services sent an assessment team and he was sectioned for assessment in a hospital unit. It was awful but he wouldn't have gone willingly. Mental health wards aren't really "nice" by their nature as they are full of mentally troubled people, but for people like your husband and mine who refuse to acknowledge anything is wrong and refuse all help, sometimes it is the only option, and the staff were very good there.

    After the section finished he was put on a DoLS to enable them to keep him there until a suitable care home place could be found, as they said I would not cope any more with him at home. So so sad! He is now in a very good care home and seems to be fairly happy but still says he wants to go home.

    If your husband is becoming aggressive with the threat of violence towards you, you may have to go down this route as the changes in medication aren't working. It sounds horrible but if you have tried everything else, and your health is suffering, and you are at risk it is probably the only option.

    Sending you love and best wishes
     
  4. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello practice, l fully agree with the advice that Tigerlady has given you, l have been in the same situation, it is a very difficult time for you, we do understand what you are going through, it is a hard decision to make, your health will suffer if you continue to look after your husband
     
  5. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I so agree with the replies. I know none of us want this for our loved ones, but you are obviously in dire need of help, and exhausted. xxx
     
  6. Practice

    Practice Registered User

    Jun 3, 2013
    21
    Thanks for all the advice. You have helped me to reach a very difficult decision.
     

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