ACE test for dad yesterday,

[SaraSheep70]

My dad is 89 and things became more apparent that his memory was really declining, in June when he stopped taking his usual meds for 5 weeks.
He was in hospital, then at a reablement hub for 5 weeks, and now back home on his own - but he has carers going in 4 times a day to give him his meds, meals, wash etc.
He scored 62 out of 100 in yesterday's ACE test and will now have a head scan to verify exactly what's the cause of his decline.
It's hard for me as there are no other relatives to support dad or me, and I live 90 miles away in South Tyneside. I work, but am free to go down to Leeds one day each week at weekends to check shopping, his post, talk with him, any little jobs to sort.
We've sent the LPoA forms off but will likely be a good 2 months for confirmation etc.
I am now off work with stress just because of all the new responsibilities for dad, phone calls, organising/chasing things ie: appointments, payments and wotnot. Plus I lost my patience with him today after being on the phone for 2 hrs regarding a bill and feeling overwhelmed with things and dad repeating himself... I feel bad about this.
I'm new to this and I suppose I'm wanting to say hello and feel others can understand and relate... offer some guidance generally? Thanks

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @SaraSheep70 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your Dad and the stress that this is causing you. Caring from such a distance must be very difficult. It sounds that having 4 carers a day is not sufficient to meet his growing needs. For the many hours that they are not there he will struggle and is clearly at risk. If 24 hour care is needed, this often indicates care home admission. How to go about this depends on his capacity and awareness, financial status and whether social services are involved. Having Power of Attorney will help. Although many people don't like the idea of a care home, it can be the best if not the only solution. I took this decision for my wife and it has been better for both of us.

Please come back if you have any more questions or just to share or let off steam. In the meantime this link might be helpful:

Care homes: When is the right time and who decides?

Advice and practical tips for carers on when is the right time for a person to be moved to a care home.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[SAP]

Hello @SaraSheep70 . This stage of dementia is so difficult to navigate and being a long distance carer is very stressful, you feel that you should be there but that you should also be at work. I’m not surprised you have had to take time off work.

When I was doing this with my mum I put as much of her stuff on line as I could likes bills and appointment letters. The POA was a help with this but actually I did manage to do some as long as mum gave her agreement on the phone . That saved much of the post and I could keep an eye on things remotely. Also if your dad has the ability to do so you could open a joint account so that you can support him with the financial stuff , again using online facilities to remotely
manage this. From what you say though this might not be achievable until you have the POA.

There is a carers centre in South Tyneside where you may be able to get some face to face support for your own needs , this is a tough gig.

ACTS Age Concern South Tyneside – ACTS Age Concern South Tyneside

www.changegrowlive.org

Finally you are going everything you can, so far you are doing all the right stuff and there will be plenty of support and advice on here for you.

 

[Gosling]

Hello @SaraSheep70 and I just wanted to give you a warm welcome too to this friendly and supportive forum.

You have already had very wise advice, and there's not much more I can add really. I do remember what it was like trying to organise and care for my Mum whilst working full time. It eventually became impossible, and I would worry for you that even having carers in four times a day for your Dad, it always seems to be the times in between carer visits when things can go wrong. That's how it was with my Mum anyway, and residential care became the only feasible option for her own safety. So please do consider that as an option perhaps.
Good to know the LPOA forms are progressing and I hope you find that reaches its conclusion soon. Take care and don't forget, if you need to let off a bit of steam, this is the place to do it!