Abusive mum


Registered User
Nov 9, 2014
Hi Jess, I think I emailed you a while ago when my mum first got sectioned and you were thinking your Mum would be anytime too. It is horrible to be blamed and to be on the receiving end of the aggression and verbal abuse. I know this very well. My Mum has good and bad days (she's been in the CH 6 months now) and on the bad days when Mum is being paranoid and nasty to me I have to remind myself that this was how awful it was ALL the time before she went into the CH and that there's no way I could go back to living my life like that. Therefore it is better for her (vulnerability and safety) and better for me (mental and physical health). I also remind myself that I didn't know Mum was going to get this disease and there is nothing I could have done to stop its escalation. On the good days I do feel guilty and wonder if she could have stayed at home longer but I have to replace those thoughts with how awful life had become. I sometimes put my 'sane' emotions and sentimental thoughts on how Mum must feel to never see her house again or have her belongings around her, but then I realise that she doesn't think like that now and it is my imagining how she'd feel if she did not have the disease. The fact is she does and a lot of my anger is subsiding now I'm not in the thick of looking after her any more. I do get upset when she's awful to me and as I said to Amy on here it still amazes me that she can be so insulting to me out of earshot of others. If she is very cross and angry at me now when I go in, I have learned to firmly say that I will go and come back another time, and then she becomes nicer and makes excuses for her rudeness. Worth a try? I do hope your Mum can settle slowly. My Mum's medication is being constantly monitored as she has shown signs of paranoia and psychosis, her anxiety levels are high and I do think there's the question of innate personalities in the first place. My Mum was always very volatile and nervous so I think she'll always have those traits, whether she'd got the disease or not. I wish you all the very best and I'm so glad to read both your parents are in the same place as I remember this was a worry for you. All the best and take care, Sarah x
Yes i remember talking to you a while ago.

Good advice about saying you'll leave.
I did that last time and she did stop a bit. Although she said "why are you leaving, I only said I'll never forgive you"

It sounds as though your mum had a difficult personality before dementia like mine. It really does complicate things as my dad is still pretty chilled out even though he can get agitated and confused.

I didn't realise paranoia went with dementia too.

How often do you visit your mum?
Do you temd to stay long?

As soon as I walk through the door I feel I want to leave!


Registered User
Nov 9, 2014
Care home staff guilt!

Hi hope all you guys are OK.

Have any of you had experience of care home staff making you feel guilty?!

1 lady keeps saying things like "she missed you, she's lonely. You should come more often"!

She knows nothing about my life or my mum and I's relationship.
Can't be bothered to start explaining myself to her as I shouldn't have to.

Just find it very annoying!