A rough day A rough week

[griff]

Hi Gill

Just about to do the same thing for my mum , we have just sold her home and I have to go and clear mums house that she has lived in for 40 odd years and where I grew up in .
I am absolutly dreading it and feel so disloyal and guilty.
Sending you strength and a big hugx

 

[grobertson62]

Hi everyone

I have to say the clearing of dads house has been a lot tougher than I thought. it is the memories attached to the things that get you!

the cards you sent when you were small. paintings you did as a child the really crappy ashtray you made in art class the list goes on

the house is nearly empty now just a mattress suite & freezer

I hope those who buy his things stop & wonder where they came from. what did it mean to those that have given them up?

I must admit I never thought about that before when I have bought things from charity shops. Now I will.

was it someones unwanted gift or was it a treasured possession?

I took last week off work to recharge my batteries but this Duracell bunny who used to keep going has run out of power finally, am supposed to be going on holiday tomorrow & as yet have not even packed a case

so to all that are about to embark on emptying loved ones houses I will be thinking of you. ( may be we should start a thread on what to do & how to do it? who to contact etc?)
to those that have thank you for sharing. It really does make a difference to know that I am not mad to FEEL these thing

love Gill

 

[grobertson62]

I have recently had to do this with my Dad's bungalow.

We decided to rent out Dad;'s place to help with his CH fees

Paolo thats what I am doing with dads too. hope the rent covers any costs we have
Gill

 

[grobertson62]

Just about to do the same thing for my mum , we have just sold her home and I have to go and clear mums house that she has lived in for 40 odd years and where I grew up in .
I am absolutly dreading it and feel so disloyal and guilty.
Sending you strength and a big hugx

sending you a hug too griff it isn't easy

Gill

 

[paolo]

"the cards you sent when you were small"
I found a couple of Christmas cardsthat I made for my Mum and Dad when I was very little, (now 49), brought a tear or three to my eye!

 

[scared daughter]

Hi Gill and everyone responding to this, we have to do tthis pretty soon, as mum is being assessed for an EMI home. It is so hard and emotional when you feel you are going through someones life.


If she is accpeted where we want her to go, she can take furniture but even so she can only take a very small amount. This is worse then when we did it after gran died, becasue mum is very much alive =o(

Sening love to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[shauna]

Hi Gill,

Im glad to hear you are going on holiday I hope you enjoy it.
Its time for you to recharge your batteries and have some quiet time.I too took a holiday a few weeks ago. We went to Florida for a friends daughters wedding and i suprised myself by switching off from everything and totally relaxing. I sat in the sun and read some books and i felt the benefit of it when i got home. I hope you have a lovely time you deserve this break and most importantly you need it .

Shauna.xx

 

[grobertson62]

Hi Gill,

. I sat in the sun and read some books and i felt the benefit of it when i got home.
Shauna.xx

I am looking forward to not having to make decisions other than shall I do my front, shall I do my back, Shall I swim, or shall I have a drink!!!

Though no doubt the decisions will all be waiting for me when I get back!

hopefully the batteries will be fully charged in time for the tandem sky dive on June 4th
Gill

 

[Loopiloo]

Dear Gill

Hope you have a lovely relaxing holiday and like Shauna you manage to switch off and feel the benefit when you come back.

Hey! A tandem sky dive on 4 June! Definitely fully recharged batteries for that!

Thinking of you. Also others going through this.

Love
Loo xx

 

[JennyA]

I too had to clear out my mum's home when she came to live with us and was too ill to do it herself(plus Alzheimers). This was hard as I couldn't tell her what I was doing, but I coped by keeping her favourite things for her room (such as her grandmother's vases and some small items of furniture)and putting the rest of the things on Freecycle. That way I could choose who had her possessions (better than just selling them) and they go to people who really need them. One person had cancer and was very hard up, hadn't even got a cooker and was over the moon when I gave her mum's. Another deserving person had her freezer, and all the small items went to someone who was organising a sale for their local children's hospice. I had a lovely letter from them later, telling me how much they had raised.

So a difficult job to do and a few tears along the way, but made much easier by doing it this way!

 

[London53]

take time to do this

I have had to clear my mother's house and have found it distressing too. One thing I learned was that I should take things slowly.
In the initial stages I threw away/sent to charity shop/gave away a lot of stuff quickly to get it over with, and later regretted some of it. Later, I hung on to things I wasn't sure about and made the decision slowly (OK, one room in my house looked a bit like a junk shop, but it was worth it)and then made the right decisions, thus keeping memories intact.
The grandchildren also took some things; and I agreed to store a couple of things they might want later.
So my advice is to take it slowly and hang on for a bit to things you aren't sure about

 

[Woodruff]

We had to clear mum's house towards the end of last year to fund her stay at an EMI specialist home (which is costing a small fortune) We also found it extremely difficult...our home is fairly small so we were unable to keep much of the stuff and quite a bit is now up in the loft awaiting decisions.
Take things slowly, keep as much back as you can for deciding about later - sadly, mum had no insight into what we were having to do on her behalf.

 

[gardenersally]

It helps to take digital photos of anything that is 'precious' to you but can't really be kept because of lack of space etc. Then at least you have a picture memory of something that is dear to you or your family member.

 

[sandwiched]

Thank you

5 years ago I was experiencing many of your current feelings. My siblings and I were selling our mother's home to help pay for her care.

I appreciate your comment about feeling that you were OK but then realizing you were not. Some days are so emotionally overwhelming. You are at one of the most challenging and depressing points now in emptying your parents' home. I so long to return to my sweet mother's home with her in it, independently.

As my mother becomes less aware, I reflect on selling her house as a more difficult time than now in many ways. Maybe I am wrong, but I feel it is best to do what you need to do and edit the truth to your parent. You are doing what you need to do and cognitively your loved one can not process the reasons that made your decision necessary. Take care and good luck.

 

[grobertson62]

Still not done

well here we are several weeks later & I still have not fully emptied dads house

thinking I am being an Ostrich & burying my head in the sand

need to get on with it as my sister is to move in next week

 

[marisarose]

sorting out possessions

I just want to say I know how you are feeling trying to sort out your Mum's home. My sister and I had to do the same at her sheltered flat when my dear Mum went into a nursing home. We kept saying 'this is horrible but at least Mum's not dead' just to make ourselves feel better! Luckily a guy was moving in who had been homeless so we were able to give him most of Mum's furniture etc. but we were back and forth to the charity shops many times. The only thing I would say is - think carefully about what you are getting rid of - there are some things that I just wish I had kept, even if you just pack them away for now in the loft then you can think about it when you arn't so close to it all. Also, I always told my Mum that her flat was there for her, that I was doing the housework and keeping it tidy and Joy my sister was doing the gardening for her. My sis didn't agree with lying but I just knew that it gave her hope and happiness for those few seconds she could remember, why tell her the truth and give her that moment of pain. Also, dreadful though her last 4 years were (and they were horrendous) I tried to think that though she didn't remember the good things, she also didn't remember the bad things. She had mixed vascular dementia/alzheimers, no proper diagnosis ever made, worst thing was her calling 'help' or for 'Lin' - me - constantly, just heartbreaking. Sorry, have gone on, just all these memories coming back. Thinking of you all, chin up and try and take each day at a time.