A Proud Wife - Part 2

[Rishile]

In the years before dementia, my husband used to make beautiful wooden boats and paddle steamers from kits. He would take a long time on each piece and the effect was stunning. As dementia started, his concentration levels fell to about 5 or 10 minutes. Since then he has constantly said he wants to get back to model-making. I have tried buying him cheaper, easier kits but he looks at the instructions, puts it aside and says 'that looks good, I may start that tomorrow'. Obviously, tomorrow never arrives.

A couple of weeks ago we were in a local garden centre, looking around the toy department. I noticed a very small, plastic model airplane kit. It cost £2.00. I asked him if he wanted to try and he said he would. Once home, yet again, he looked at the instructions and said he would start it tomorrow.

Last night he said he wanted to do something but didn't know what. As it was 7.00pm I said he options were - watch TV, go to bed or do one of his models. He didn't want to go to bed or watch TV so he reluctantly picked up the latest model.

I turned on the computer and kept my back to him all the time, resisting the temptation to see what he was doing. I kept an eye on the clock though. After A FULL HOUR he said 'Phew, that's more difficult than it looks'. I turned around and he had taken all the pieces out of the packet and laid them on his desk in order ready to put them together.

I know it doesn't sound like much but it's yet another reason to be proud of him.

 

[Izzy]

💙

 

[sapphire turner]

Wow Rishile that must have been a huge effort for him! It’s probably only us carers that can see when our loved ones are trying so hard to master something they would have done so easily before.
Sending love xx

 

[canary]

A bittersweet moment eh?
xx

 

[Grannie G]

The fact the pieces were is order is comforting @Rishile

 

[scotlass]

Well done your O.H.

 

[Sue741215]

My proud moment was when we went to a sing along activity at our local dementia group. Unfortunately my OH seems to have no memory for music except for one album that he listens to over and over again. At the sing along he had to read the songsheets to sing and i was amazed that he kept it up for over an hour even though he struggled to read the words - it must have been such a prolonged effort for him. Unfortunately we've not managed to go again for a few months but are going this week - I am sure his reading has deteriorated so I am hoping he will still be able to participate.

I do hope your oh will be able to complete his model and many more.

 

[Chizz]

My proud moment was when we went to a sing along activity at our local dementia group. Unfortunately my OH seems to have no memory for music except for one album that he listens to over and over again. At the sing along he had to read the songsheets to sing and i was amazed that he kept it up for over an hour even though he struggled to read the words - it must have been such a prolonged effort for him. Unfortunately we've not managed to go again for a few months but are going this week - I am sure his reading has deteriorated so I am hoping he will still be able to participate.

I do hope your oh will be able to complete his model and many more.

Hi @Sue741215

Best wishes for next singalong session.

When we used to go, my OH really enjoyed it and joined in full heartedly. However, over time as she deteriorated, she couldn't do it all - that is, read and process the words they put on the big screen, and listen to and process the music being played on tape or at the piano. So, she would do one or the other - usually just sing the tune with out the words. She still enjoyed that.

Unfortunately, her mobility and stability failed, (and she became too frightened to get into and to get out of the car), and we are now past attending these events. However, I still put on various different playlists on the iPad, so she can hum along, and she now sits in bed and conducts along.

It is often said that music is the last sense to be lost.

 

[jennifer1967]

In the years before dementia, my husband used to make beautiful wooden boats and paddle steamers from kits. He would take a long time on each piece and the effect was stunning. As dementia started, his concentration levels fell to about 5 or 10 minutes. Since then he has constantly said he wants to get back to model-making. I have tried buying him cheaper, easier kits but he looks at the instructions, puts it aside and says 'that looks good, I may start that tomorrow'. Obviously, tomorrow never arrives.

A couple of weeks ago we were in a local garden centre, looking around the toy department. I noticed a very small, plastic model airplane kit. It cost £2.00. I asked him if he wanted to try and he said he would. Once home, yet again, he looked at the instructions and said he would start it tomorrow.

Last night he said he wanted to do something but didn't know what. As it was 7.00pm I said he options were - watch TV, go to bed or do one of his models. He didn't want to go to bed or watch TV so he reluctantly picked up the latest model.

I turned on the computer and kept my back to him all the time, resisting the temptation to see what he was doing. I kept an eye on the clock though. After A FULL HOUR he said 'Phew, that's more difficult than it looks'. I turned around and he had taken all the pieces out of the packet and laid them on his desk in order ready to put them together.

I know it doesn't sound like much but it's yet another reason to be proud of him.

i brought my husband a model to do in matchsticks. he had asked for it. i also brought him like tangram which in copies the patterns on a card. he wanted matchsticks to decorate his tin. hes done that before. he hasnt even got them out of the box and shown little interest.
but he can make models out of wood, cut the pieces out assemble it at the shed. really doesnt make sense.

 

[Rishile]

i brought my husband a model to do in matchsticks. he had asked for it. i also brought him like tangram which in copies the patterns on a card. he wanted matchsticks to decorate his tin. hes done that before. he hasnt even got them out of the box and shown little interest.
but he can make models out of wood, cut the pieces out assemble it at the shed. really doesnt make sense.

I found it frustrating that my husband would see a kit and ask for it but then ignore it. There are loads of models of differing degrees of difficulty in our cupboard - all of them untouched. I tried everything. Even when he was in the Care Home I asked them if they could help with some of the models. The Activities Co-ordinator said he could set up a model club for the men and a couple of men were enthusiastic but then the Activities Co-ordinator left and it didn't happen. I wanted my husband to go to Men's Shed but that didn't happen either but the Care Farm is much, much better.

 

[lemontart]

My OH was a painter. He made beautiful paintings, drew funny cartoons, and always had a project or three on the go. This was one

Now he rarely goes in the studio, but did decide to decorate the back gate last week. It is nothing like he would have painted before. I find it all really sad. Although it was a bit of a project, and he did do it all on his own, so that was good.

 

[Chizz]

Hi @JuliaLW
Thanks for your post.
You may be disappointed with the back gate decoration because you know what your OH was capable of, but without you giving a sample of an earlier work, we wouldn't have known.
What is great, in the circumstances, is your OH's interest to do it, and the application, concentration, co-ordination to get it done. I think that's great.

In a previous life, my OH was a pianist and a singer (opera company), and now she's struggling to hum along to the songs and music I put on each day. She gave up playing the piano and guitar in the early stages because she lost interest because she knew then that she couldn't, in her eyes, do it properly for her.

 

[vivian t]

My husband had many hobbies. We have one upstairs room where he spent many a happy hour playing X box games. There is also a small train set and a large re enactment of the battle of Waterloo. Star Wars figures, model cars and trucks, boxes and boxes of soldiers from various eras, history books, CD player and music magazines. There is even small coin and stamp collections. We used to spend time together painting model soldiers. He's physically able to go up there but he never does. I've even brought models down and set them up on the dining table but he hardly looks at them. He doesn't seem capable of doing anything even with instruction.
But I was pleasantly surprised today when he managed to help me fold the sheets. It's so sad

 

[Chizz]

My husband had many hobbies. We have one upstairs room where he spent many a happy hour playing X box games. There is also a small train set and a large re enactment of the battle of Waterloo. Star Wars figures, model cars and trucks, boxes and boxes of soldiers from various eras, history books, CD player and music magazines. There is even small coin and stamp collections. We used to spend time together painting model soldiers. He's physically able to go up there but he never does. I've even brought models down and set them up on the dining table but he hardly looks at them. He doesn't seem capable of doing anything even with instruction.
But I was pleasantly surprised today when he managed to help me fold the sheets. It's so sad

Hi @vivian t
but even sadder is that only one you knows its sad!
Best wishes to you and a virtual hug.

 

[canary]

Yes, all of OHs hobbies have gone out of the window too. He started off not bothering with them. He was a keen gardener and became more and more reluctant to cut the grass, weed and do pruning and I had to nag him. The doctors thought he was depressed, but as time went on it became clear that the problem was that he couldnt work out how to do things anymore. I got him to help me fold sheets too and he would watch what I did and do the same, but he cant even do that now.

 

[Rishile]

My husband was also a keen gardener and had his own gardening business which he loved. My main problem now is how to stop him wanting to cut the grass. His lawnmower is big and heavy and a petrol one. I know it won't start (someone else has tried it) but he claims he could fix it. It fills me with horror to think he will be poking about with the mechanics of it, potentially spilling petrol everywhere or putting petrol where it shouldn't go. Even if he does get it going, I dread to think what the lawn would look like once he has finished.

I now have a gardener who comes and tidies up and cuts the grass but he is 'too expensive' (hubby's words) even though he doesn't know how much I pay,

Any suggestions regarding stopping him wanting to 'fix' the lawnmower would be appreciated. I have threatened to sell/dump it but have been threatened with divorce if I do that.

 

[Grannie G]

I told my husband everything was free @Rishilie. Would this satisfy your husband about the gardener.

 

[canary]

Any suggestions regarding stopping him wanting to 'fix' the lawnmower would be appreciated.

Can you at least get someone to drain the petrol from it?
If you do remove it, tell him it is being fixed rather than you have got rid of it.

 

[lemontart]

Hi @JuliaLW
Thanks for your post.
You may be disappointed with the back gate decoration because you know what your OH was capable of, but without you giving a sample of an earlier work, we wouldn't have known.
What is great, in the circumstances, is your OH's interest to do it, and the application, concentration, co-ordination to get it done. I think that's great.

In a previous life, my OH was a pianist and a singer (opera company), and now she's struggling to hum along to the songs and music I put on each day. She gave up playing the piano and guitar in the early stages because she lost interest because she knew then that she couldn't, in her eyes, do it properly for her.

Thank you Chizz. Maybe, like your OH, that's why mine rarely goes in his studio now. Probably he knows that he has lost the ability he used to have. He gets bored but just doesn't know what to do with himself. So its TV all day really.

 

[Chizz]

Thank you Chizz. Maybe, like your OH, that's why mine rarely goes in his studio now. Probably he knows that he has lost the ability he used to have. He gets bored but just doesn't know what to do with himself. So its TV all day really.

Hi @JuliaLW
How about taking OH to some of the groups there may be in your area - Forget-Me-Not Cafe, or Memory Singers, or Men's Shed or day centre or just a walk round the local park or garden centre, or art gallery - so its not al day inside every day.? Sorry for telling you things you know already. I didn't ask OH if she wanted to do these things, I decided and took her. On way, she'd say she didn't want to go, or didn't want to meet "people like that" but during and afterwards she did admit she'd enjoyed the outgoings.
All in the past for us as my OH is now bedbound and can't weight bear.
I'm a firm believer in doing as much as you van for as long as you can - for both of you.
Best wishes