Hi Palerider,
SS are so overworked and under resourced that unless it is a crisis or emergency they are unlikely to respond, or that is how it seems to me. and that is probably the way it has to be, though completely irrational because as we all know, if they acted or responded sooner, it would save a lot of resources. And they are human like the rest of us, with their own personal issues to deal with .... be that dementia, divorce, illness, child care, what have you.
But this is not the place for that kind of debate...
I suspect we all know what we should do ( take care of our own health) or should not do , but putting that into practice is at least difficult and often impossible. As you say, being a “ professional “ carer would be a whole lot easier than being emotionally involved as we are with parents, or in my case, partner, with all the expectations that those relationships entail. And my OH responds and behaves very differently towards carers ( when we had someone coming in a couple of times a week to help him get up) than he does to me...which I find very difficult to bear. But he cannot help it and is confused by my anger and frustration, so then I just feel guilty about feeling that way. .
I can see how residential care, the big line that one is so fearful of crossing and to which so much guilt is so often attached , can in fact be an improvement for the cared for person, precisely for the reasons stated above, though it may always feel like a failure and source of shame for the family member/ carer. I think I would sooner pay for a private live in carer than allow someone to profit from our misfortune whilst paying minimum wages to the staff who do the invaluable care work .
So much stuff to work through at every level. But your mum is one lucky person having you.
X