A life in the day of.........................

[Loopiloo]

I can't help but feel concerned when I read that Dhiren was "blank" today. I fear that it may be a step away from recognition, and I don't want him to lose his memory of who you are in his life. I really hope that he was just distracted today and that he is back for your next visit.QUOTE]

Sylvia, I also hope it was a one off with Dhiren. Henry has had similar one offs in the past, blankly staring ahead, then he has been fine again.

But on a visit last week he did not know me, said "Do I know you?" That was a first. Visits since then he has instantly greeted me with a smile, held my hand. But has not remembered my name.

It could change again though. I hope. Although I know from other things that his dementia is progressing. For Dhiren and you, I hope he is his usual self next time.

Loo xxx

 

[Saffie]

Sylvia- could Dhiren have perhaps been just tired? As you said he nodded off occasionally. I find that Dave's moods change with the time of day.

 

[Grannie G]

It is interesting that you describe Dhiren as blank today. R is like this sometimes, but the ch manager is trying to make a big deal out of it. I would have thought this was just part of dementia. I alwys think he's in his own little world, a lovely safe place to be.
Jan

I think you are right Jan . I think it`s part of dementia too and I don`t mind Dhiren being in his own little world.

Visits since then he has instantly greeted me with a smile, held my hand. But has not remembered my name. ........................
For Dhiren and you, I hope he is his usual self next time.
Loo xxx

Thank you Loo. I am happy with a smile, I have no idea whether or not Dhiren knows my name or even knows precisely who I am. I will not be putting him to the test. As long as he continues to be happy to see me it`s all right.

 

[Grannie G]

Sylvia- could Dhiren have perhaps been just tired? As you said he nodded off occasionally. I find that Dave's moods change with the time of day.

He could have been Saffie. I`ll see when I next go.

I have had a hint , from another of your posts, all is not well with Dave. I hope you have been able to resolve whatever it is .

 

[Helen33]

I have days when I seem blank. I always think of myself like a battery that needs a recharge.

As long as he continues to be happy to see me it`s all right.

It certainly is Sylvia

Love

 

[Loopiloo]

Thank you Loo. I am happy with a smile, I have no idea whether or not Dhiren knows my name or even knows precisely who I am. I will not be putting him to the test. As long as he continues to be happy to see me it`s all right.

Sylvia, having so long dreaded Henry forgetting me, my name, I now find myself beginning to become more accepting, and of course it is part of the progression. We know that, but it is hard.... Must confess I have tested him, asking my name, but shall not do so again, and accept it isn't important, all things considered...

He does obviously know 'me' as someone close, part of his life, even if being his 'wife' is now escaping him. It still deeply saddens me, and especially feeling it just now as our 54th wedding aniversary is on 27th, but I wont be reminding him. I just want him to be relaxed and content, and a smile is precious.

I'm just glad that for him the many months of anguish, despair and not understanding about coming home have ended, that was unbearable for him, and for me to see him in such a state.

I remember you telling me that one day Henry might well become as contented and relaxed as Dhiren, and I found that almost impossible to believe. Now it seems you were right, it is happening.

Thank you for your wise words, and my apologies for doubting it could ever happen. It was so bad for so long, I simply could not foresee any improvement. Of course that comes with the lose of abilities, but that is the nature of the disease. I try to be objective about this, but almost impossible not to also be subjective.

Dementia leads us a dance, not a merry one though, and you never stop learning. The gradual adjusting is harder, as we all know.

Enough blethering, hoping Dhiren is himself again next time. Shall pop in later to see how he is.

Loo xxx

 

[Grannie G]

Dhiren was very upset today. There was no smile, his usual greeting. Instead, when he saw me his lips trembled and he cried.

I asked the manager if anything had happened. She was surprised and said he had been fine.

I told one of the carers. She was shocked and said he had been fine all day.

I tried to comfort him but it didn`t help.
I told him I had brought a beautiful pear and asked if he would like it.
He said `Food won`t solve the problem.`

I asked what the problem was.
He said `Life is hopeless.`
I told him I would stay with him as long as he wanted me to.
He said `You can`t make it right.`

Another resident J, who sits with him, woke and sobbed. Either he had a bad dream or was hallucinating. It often happens.

I said `Oh dear! J is upset too.`
I asked if there was anything I could do to help him.
He said `You cant help me. No one can help me.`

I said `I hate it when you are upset. It upsets me.`
He said `I`m all right now.`

But he wasn`t.

I phoned the home tonight.
They said he was fine.

 

[Sue J]

Dear Sylvia

Sorry Dhiren was troubled today and upsetting for you. I'm glad the home were able to reassure you that he's Ok since your visit - it is so hard isn't it?

I hope the next visit will be better for you both
love
Sue

 

[amicalia]

That must be so hard for you, I'm so sorry your visit went like that. I really hope that next time will be a happier one and leave you feeling more reassured again.

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Sue.

I forgot to say , when I phoned tonight, the carer I spoke to said he was upset last night but all right tonight.

I have a feeling he still gets upset every night when he`s prepared for bed. The idea he sleeps there was a shock for him from the beginning and perhaps it still is. I must ask about it.
I don`t know whether I`m better knowing or not knowing.

 

[DeborahBlythe]

I'm very sorry to read about Dhiren, Sylvia. I wonder if he is heading for an infection of one sort or another?

When I had a brief viral infection recently, I suddenly realised that my spirits were really very low, but nothing material had changed, to be honest. It dawned on me that I felt low because I was under the weather and I put myself to bed with some books and hot drinks until I felt better again.

Dhiren might not be capable of this insight, I don't think, about recognising when a low spirit is actually triggered by a slight infection. At least, he might be able to make the leap of imagination , but I think it would be very hard for him.

If on top of this he has got company that is 'disturbed' it is not too surprising if his spirits sink a bit. I know mine would.

I hope you won't be too downhearted by today's turn of events. It might be worth asking if Dhiren could be seated somewhere more tranquil if the other resident is going to persist with the sorrowful outbursts. It would be terribly unsettling if it went on for any length of time. (Would drive me mad).. In my mother's home there were often residents calling out in one place or another. Along from her room for example there were at least two gentlemen who regularly called out for assistance in a pitiful way and I used to spend a lot of time dancing around trying to get staff to tend to their needs. Thank God my mother herself was hard of hearing and I don't think she noticed it but it was very wearing and worrying for visitors. If Dhiren is seated right next to someone in a state of distress and can hear what is happening, it's not surprising that he might find it depressing.

Try not to let this get you down, Sylvia. It's a good home and I'm sure they will listen to your concerns.
Lots of love.

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Deborah.

I hadn`t considered an infection but will do so if this sadness continues.

Also there are many new residents who are much more talkative and have more visitors, so you may have hit the nail on the head about people causing disturbance.

I won`t be able to go until Sunday as I have arranged to take my grandson to London tomorrow.
I think I might need to spend more time with Dhiren now.

 

[rajahh]

It is so sad when you see your husband upset. There are no easy answers Sylvia, for you or for Dhiren.

I would find tears and anxiety like that very hard to deal with. It would " follow" me home

I am glad you rang tonight and were told that he was calmer.

Sending love Jeannette

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Jeanette.

Somehow it hasn`t helped. I just hope he`s sleeping.

 

[Izzy]

Oh Sylvia I'm so sorry that Dhiren was upset. That must be so very hard for you. I do hope this passes. x

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you Izzy.

 

[rajahh]

I am not surprised it hasn't helped you. I would still be worrying too Jeannette

 

[Butter]

You are better knowing. Because if you don't know you will wonder or suspect or, worse, imagine.
The insight of the sufferer is searingly painful for you both.

 

[Loopiloo]

Syvlia, I am sorry to hear about your visit to Dhiren today, sorry he was so upset which in turn upsets you.

rajahh/Jeanette

I am glad you rang tonight and were told that he was calmer.

Sylvia

Thanks Jeanette.

Somehow it hasn`t helped. I just hope he`s sleeping.

I know what you mean. Especially today, having phoned Henry's nurse and being left feeling it has not helped.

Hopefully Dhiren will be himself again when you visit on Sunday.

Loo xx

 

[nellbelles]

Sylvia

I am sorry to hear of Dhiren's distress I know up till now you have been able to cope with his care because he was content, I so hope you can find a reason for his distress.

Helen x x