A life in the day of.........................
- Thread starter Grannie G
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Hi Amy, yes it is all of those things, for me my link with TP and therefore all of the above is linked to the first person I really 'spoke' to and that was Sylvia and I'm thankful to her for making it a place where I felt welcome - communicating in the 'virtual' world being a new experience.
Thats good Sue...and I do not underestimate the work that Sylvia has put into welcoming new people. As you acknowledge though, TP is a community, and that is its strength, for even when strong, visible members leave, the community continues to thrive and take new turns. None of us are indispensable, but hopefully all of us are valued
Amy
Amy
Dear Sylvia,
I have just caught up with your thread, since your post on Thursday, 25th. So many little things you mentioned I recognised: the looking into space before he realised you were there to smile at and greet; the not knowing the layout of where he was, be it at home or in the care home; the not recognising the carers. All these little things do tug so at the heart-strings, don't they.
But he is so very well looked after, and he is still able to speak with you. I would go as often as you feel the need. And make some visits very short if they are not going so well and stretch out the longer ones. But I really don't need to tell you any of this, do I. I suppose I am really saying just enjoy him when you can.
It is sad that he still asks to go home. Does he ever expand on that point? To give you some idea of what he considers home might be? I do recall he said "I will help you. You will be my legs." Dear Dhiren, it must be so difficult for you both at those times.
It is the little things that hover just below the surface that can get to you, isn't it. I think of you both often.
Sending love,
Nan XXX
I have just caught up with your thread, since your post on Thursday, 25th. So many little things you mentioned I recognised: the looking into space before he realised you were there to smile at and greet; the not knowing the layout of where he was, be it at home or in the care home; the not recognising the carers. All these little things do tug so at the heart-strings, don't they.
But he is so very well looked after, and he is still able to speak with you. I would go as often as you feel the need. And make some visits very short if they are not going so well and stretch out the longer ones. But I really don't need to tell you any of this, do I. I suppose I am really saying just enjoy him when you can.
It is sad that he still asks to go home. Does he ever expand on that point? To give you some idea of what he considers home might be? I do recall he said "I will help you. You will be my legs." Dear Dhiren, it must be so difficult for you both at those times.
It is the little things that hover just below the surface that can get to you, isn't it. I think of you both often.
Sending love,
Nan XXX
Thank you Nan.
The `going home` is a constant confusion. I think it is to his mother, but not to India, where she would have been, but to Manchester where he lived for 45 years. As none of his family lived in the UK it causes even more confusion.
Thank you Nan . I try.
I hope you are managing with life without Brian. If you can just keep your head above water Nan. x
The `going home` is a constant confusion. I think it is to his mother, but not to India, where she would have been, but to Manchester where he lived for 45 years. As none of his family lived in the UK it causes even more confusion.
Thank you Nan . I try.
I hope you are managing with life without Brian. If you can just keep your head above water Nan. x
I think 'home' is just a place where you feel safe and secure...I suspect the yearn to go home is not to a place but to a feeling, a feeling of knowing who and where you are, and being loved.
Nan you are so right 'enjoy him when you can'...because there is no going back. Hoping your next visit find Dhiren happy and relaxed Sylvia.
Amy
Nan you are so right 'enjoy him when you can'...because there is no going back. Hoping your next visit find Dhiren happy and relaxed Sylvia.
Amy
Hi Sylvia
My Nan occassionally said she wanted to go home, but had long forgotten where that was, what it looked like and who once lived there.
But, I think she remembered how being in her home made her feel. So when she said she wanted to go home, I felt it was that feeling of being safe and content she was longing for and not an actual place. She wanted to be somewhere she knew she belonged. I remember one day she wanted to go home and I although I couldn't be sure I think she wanted to be back in the lounge where everyone else was.
Its always good to read your updates
X
My Nan occassionally said she wanted to go home, but had long forgotten where that was, what it looked like and who once lived there.
But, I think she remembered how being in her home made her feel. So when she said she wanted to go home, I felt it was that feeling of being safe and content she was longing for and not an actual place. She wanted to be somewhere she knew she belonged. I remember one day she wanted to go home and I although I couldn't be sure I think she wanted to be back in the lounge where everyone else was.
Its always good to read your updates
X
I think that is true, Amy. A feeling of knowing who and where you are, a secure and familiar place .As you say, Pollyanna, a place where you know you belong.
My husband constantly asks when he is going home, but after 6 months in hospitals, 3 months in a care home, he says he can't remember what home looks like. He can't remember the name of our town. He says he wants to remember but he can't. But he knows the home he is talking about is this home. He knows I now live here alone. He does not understand why we are not living together.
It might be a little easier if he was talking about a home from his far distant past. But he left the only other home he ever had when he was 25. His care home is situated at the end of the road where that home was, he remembers it, talks about it, has no interest in it.
Seems he is in a stage of limbo, fully concentrated on this home - the feeling of where he belongs - and not yet beyond that to where home is not a place but a feeling. He certainly knows the care home is not his home, not where he belongs.
Less confusing, Sylvia, than Dhiren's 'going home' perhaps being a mixture of his earliest home with his mother, and the home where he spent 45 years, Manchester.
I have yet to acquire your ability to handle this 'going home'. He is not easily distracted from it. Perhaps in time, perhaps still too early....
I do agree,Sylvia, and often think how sad and awful it must be for those whose loved ones have now lost their speech.
I shall remember your words when I am in despair about Henry's despair about 'going home' and count my blessings that he can still talk. Be it often garbled, a half sentence, the remainder lost. We do have to cherish what is, what remains.
Love
Loo xx
Hello Loo
Whatever the variations of our problems we really are all in it together and it`s good we can understand each other and draw comfort from our isolation.
Some days I just cannot face the `going home ` and opt out. Other days I have more patience and will `promise` to phone the consultant as soon as I can. As for Dhiren`s mother, `I keep writing but get no reply`.
The other day he was surprised and asked, `Doesn`t she live with you?` He was back in his own culture of the extended family living under one roof.
I have felt very tired this weekend and was grateful to be able to rest. But I don`t feel rested.
Ah well! Tomorrow is another day. I hope you have a good week Loo.
Whatever the variations of our problems we really are all in it together and it`s good we can understand each other and draw comfort from our isolation.
Some days I just cannot face the `going home ` and opt out. Other days I have more patience and will `promise` to phone the consultant as soon as I can. As for Dhiren`s mother, `I keep writing but get no reply`.
The other day he was surprised and asked, `Doesn`t she live with you?` He was back in his own culture of the extended family living under one roof.
I have felt very tired this weekend and was grateful to be able to rest. But I don`t feel rested.
Ah well! Tomorrow is another day. I hope you have a good week Loo.
Hi Sylvia, sorry to see that you are feeling a bit tired tonight...perhaps tomorrow's lovely Bank Holiday weather ( not!!!) will brighten your day a bit. Take care my friend, love to you and Dhiren and to the family, Maureen.x.x.
It's the same old really. We, ( Les and I) did manage a long weekend away because my sister was over from South Africa, but of course the day after we got home, Sis went home leaving me with an even more confused old lady, who needs to know who is coming home tonight and will they need to be fed and what day is it and have I ( her) got anything on today?? By that she means socially because I can guarantee it'll be the same clothes that she's worn for a week I am struggling with finding much to be lighthearted about just now..but one tries. Love Maureen.x.x.
I am struggling with finding much to be lighthearted about just now..but one tries. Love Maureen.x.x.
I'll be ringing her chosen home again on Tuesday to see how long the wait is likely to be, but even if a room comes up immediately, and we've already sorted finance and SW out, she may still turn round and tell me she's not going. I rather think my Les will go into a severe decline if that's the case x.
x.- Status
