1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

A grandson's sadness

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Amy, Feb 4, 2006.

  1. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Last night we were dreaming what we would do if we were to win the lottery. Then what we would wish for if three wishes could be granted. My 15 year old son and I then started to discuss if we had just one wish, would it be for a seriously ill child that we had seen at a medical appointment to be made well, or for his nana to be well. I said that I would have to go with the child as my mum was able to live a fulfilling life. His response was "Nana, because I've never had the chance to know her properly, and I want to." He's not a selfish lad, but feels he's been cheated out of an important relationship. He's very good with his nana, but has no memory of her when she was less ill. I hadn't realised how he felt.
    Amy
     
  2. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Hello Amy

    What a lovely son you have. It is so sad he has missed out on that unique grandparent/grandchild relationship.

    I was very lucky to have my maternal grandparents well into my adulthood, and adored them, they were my sounding boards when I had problems I could not speak to my parents about and their knowledge of Mum as a child put her point of view into perspective.

    My grandad had AD too, but I remember him as the fit strong reliable man I loved very much, who always smelled of Wrights coal tar soap and had a soft, gentle voice unless you dared put your elbows on the table when you were eating!

    I grew and had 4 children of my own and my parents loved them with a passion. The pattern repeated itself with my own parents playing a large part in their lives and in turn telling them stories of when we were young.

    My youngest was only 5 when her grandad died and has never known her Nanna as the person she was, but her sisters tell her what she and Grandad were like, that keeps Dad's memory alive and Mum's in a strange way.

    If your son has older cousins or siblings who knew your Mum when she was well, ask them to talk to him about her. It won't make her better, but in the future he will have a picture of her before she was ill and that will be with him the rest of his life.

    Kathleen
     
  3. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Perhaps if you write down all the family stories you know about his Grandparents life, he can know them through you. It is something I plan on doing for my daughter even though she is 28 years old and grew up around her Grammie. There are still alot she never got to hear from my Mom. It will make a nice heirloom to pass down.

    Take care,
    Debbie



    "persevere"
     
  4. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    My two grandaughters were here today (aged 4+6). ",Grandma , how does the song go......Oh the grandfather clock was too tall for the shelf etc"

    Grandma is expected to be the font of all knowledge.........dear Lionel has always been 'poorly' in their eyes, so he is excused. Children are wonderful. My elder grandsons, some who remember their grandad, still always treat Lionel so specially. It must just be 'time and place'.. Connie
     
  5. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Connie
    rember that saying
    "If I was half as clever as my kids think I am,I would be a genius"
    True?
    Norman :eek:
     
  6. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    Norman, sometimes it's the kids who are the clever ones:
    5 year-old Ben wanted to kiss Gramps (who has AD) good bye, but his mum pointed out that Gramps seemed rather busy and hadn't understood Ben's suggestion. Next thing we knew - Ben was dragging a chair over to the sideboard where Gramps was, indeed, very busy looking through cards and CDs. Ben climbed the chair and elegantly managed to deliver the kiss. Such a sweet moment. I just hope that Gramps knows how much he is loved! :D
     
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Nana

    My youngest likes to write poetry. I suggested that he write something for here about his nana. He's 12.

    Nana
    We’re yet to know, we’re yet to learn what resides in the mind of someone with dementia. Yet the families know in their hearts. Tell me, with their specialist degrees, how can the doctors know, they see dementia as symptoms, patients, a career. They do not see the slight changes, they do not know the pain of the families, long nights of crying.

    Nana I have had all my life,
    but can you tell me I know her when all I ever see is a confused stranger, when I see her sleeping or staring into space, when I wonder what really goes on in her mind? What does she think, what’s in her dreams? When some people say to my gramps “why do you stay, why not put her in a home and forget,?' well you tell me if you lived your life and loved somebody, if you still hear them in your mind, if its your mother who was always there for you, your grandma that always used to take you to the zoo, you tell me could you cast them aside and forget all those dreams and memories could you forget? I pity those who do.

    Amy
     
  8. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    What an amazing piece of writing - and what depth of understanding!
     
  9. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Wonderful and so young.
    The boy is a deep thinker
    Norman
     

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