A feeling of panic.

[gringo]

I came out of the supermarket this morning and realised I had absolutely no idea where I’ld parked my car. It was a heart-stopping moment. It’s big car park and I, literally, had no idea where to start. I do know I felt pretty stupid standing there, with a trolley full of ready meals, every-body else knew where they were going and I clearly did not. For one fleeting moment I had a glimpse into my wife’s world, I felt the panic that she must feel most of the time. The feeling of panic took me by surprise, it was completely overwhelming. Not being able to remember things, like where you parked the car a few moments ago, isn’t just a nuisance, or a bit of a giggle. It matters, or rather the panic that you feel when you realise that you have no memory at all of it, matters. I felt completely helpless. Having no short-term memory stops you in your tracks.
Thank goodness I was alone, no-one to be patient with me. “Perhaps you left it over there, lots of people have this problem, don’t worry , we’’ll find it!”. I think I could have got very aggressive very quickly.
I feel ashamed that it took an incident like this to give me some insight into my wife’s world and how truly frightening it can be.
What I’ve got from my ‘senior moment’ is an even more profound sympathy for those struggling with this every day, and the realisation that we must always make allowance for the feeling of panic that can accompany short term memory loss. They will want us to try and understand, not just exhibit our patience.

 

[scared daughter]

Yes! This happened to me the other day, been poorly, distracted nd in a hurry I came out to a full mahoosive car park and realised I couldn't remember where I had left my car.

After a search and retrieve - it was located, but just as you found I was left very aware of how anxiety ridden and frustrating this experience was.

I am going to try and cling to that gut feeling hwen I am dealing with my mother, to realise how scary memory loss can feel xxx

 

[creativesarah]

I know that feeling oh so well!

 

[cobden28]

This often happens to me if I shop at a certain large supermarket chain with two branches very near to my home - I can never remember where on earth I parked my car, and I've not got dementia !

 

[Butter]

Where are my keys? Where are my glasses? I can't find my keys until I can find my glasses ..... they'll be in my bag ... where is my bag? I can't find my bag until I can find my glasses .........

 

[Pheath]

Interesting post as am sure we’ve all had moments like that but not necessarily then made the leap of empathising with what it must feel like to have dementia all the time. It’s so rare to get any glimpse of entering that other world and to feel the fear and disorientation – a v unsettling experience and am sure not one you’d be in a hurry to repeat. As you say though, the positive is the deeper insight it’s given which will help you as a carer.

 

[Witzend]

This often happens to me if I shop at a certain large supermarket chain with two branches very near to my home - I can never remember where on earth I parked my car, and I've not got dementia !

A while ago I heard some dementia expert talking on radio 4. Someone asked if they should worry about sometimes forgetting where they've left their car in the car park. (TBH who hasn't?)
He said no, the time to worry is when you get in the car but you've forgotten how to drive it!

 

[gringo]

Witzend, your expert was, of course, right. But, the misplaced car was not the important thing, other than the cause, or trigger. What I was trying to emphasise was the feeling of panic and helplessness that I experienced and the realisation that my wife, and others like her, most probably experience similar feelings quite often. and on a daily basis. If that is so, their's can be a very frightening world.

 

[CeliaW]

Hello Gringo - I do understand a little of what you say. I normally pride myself on being a quick thinker and having an agile brain but when I had anaemia, one of the side effects was a lack of concentration and forgetfulness. How I hated it when my mind couldn't skip to the correct part as fast as I would normally do. But it made me realise how lucky I was that it did get there eventually. At the time I did try to translate it into being just a small part of how Mum must find life - sadly when its not immediate in your own life the empathy it triggers gets forgotten - so thank you for the reminder.

Take care
Celia
x

 

[jeany123]

Witzend, your expert was, of course, right. But, the misplaced car was not the important thing, other than the cause, or trigger. What I was trying to emphasise was the feeling of panic and helplessness that I experienced and the realisation that my wife, and others like her, most probably experience similar feelings quite often. and on a daily basis. If that is so, their's can be a very frightening world.

I agree Gringo , I often think if I misplace my glasses or purse the panic I feel will be the same for my husband who loses or hides everything, when I find it the panic is over but for him it must go on forever,

Best wishes to you and your wife,jeany x

 

[Nanak]

Not being flippant Gringo, but how did you remember where you had parked your car?
I have done this on a few occasions (as obviously have others) and it is very scary. Personally I have to go back on myself and remember where I entered the shopping centre, where I was going which shop etc.
Its not pleasant.

Nanak (Kim)

 

[Kebuck2012]

My mum and dad used to lose the car at Tescos the staff were great at looking for it so the old uns

 

[Kebuck2012]

Didn't have to wear themselves out

 

[Big Effort]

Hi Gringo,

If that is a 'senior moment' I have had them. I don't lose my car (yet), easy to find as it is the ugliest, muddiest one in the carpark. I had a session of losing time.... really it was two hours later than I thought coming out of a class that finished at 5, and I was coming home straight after and it was 7 p.m. I have never been able to explain that.

Then my recent amnesia. Of no concern to medics.... but a very enlightening experience. I found memory to be formed of layers, first visual, then audio, then timeline and finally affect/emotive. All need to work to form a genuine, reliable memory.

You are right to extrapolate your total loss of knowing on to how it must feel for someone with dementia. Just dreadful. The only thing is it makes me feel guilty, and I still go goggle-eyed and incredulous when Mum's memory plays truant and messes us all about.

Today I watched Mum try to cut a slice of watermelon with a scissors. Not aware that a knife would be better. Then she mis-spelled her name while signing for her pension. I wrote a sample asking her to copy it, and she blandly replied: "How can I know how to spell my name when I hardly ever use it."

After these two sessions I have a sinking feeling in my tummy, a veil of sadness in my body, and I know that we will not be able to keep her at home for long. I feel devastated, Gringo. Just devastated.

I send you a sincere hug, and please, post more often. How is your lovely wife? Sunny and warm here.... think of you often, you would be surprised at how often. xx BE

 

[rajahh]

I thank you for your post Gringo.

I shall write it out and keep it to remind me of the panic my husband feels virtually every hour of his life.

I woke up this morning determined to stop feeling resentful, and now your post has just helped me enormously.

Thank you

Jeannette

 

[gringo]

Nanak,
I fear I never did “remember’, I found it by a systematic search. When I found it , I had no memory of having put it there. As you say not pleasant at all.

BE.,
Bless you BE, having followed your posts, I’m sure you are correct in your feeling that, for her own good, you will have to let your Mother go in the very near future. The fact that dementia is a downward spiral, with no reprieve, is something we all have to come to terms with. We all know that we are not going to have a fairy tale ending.
I understand your concerns only too well, and my heart goes out to you.
I was given a copy of my wife’s behaviour chart yesterday. Oh dear, it does little good preparing for such things. This disease always finds a way to defeat us.
Arms around BE.

Jeannette,
I can think of few people with less need to reproach themselves than you. You are an example to all of us.
I am pleased if I have helped you in any way.
Mike.

 

[winda]

Hi Gringo,

I can't remember the number of times I have parked my car in the Park&Ride, only to have completely forgotten where I had parked it when I returned. I have often been near the point of phoning the police to say it has been stolen ....

 

[flowerpot]

I now make sure I know where the car is parked as this happened a while ago in a large supermarked carpark and I was wandering around like a right idiot with my full trolley until I found it

It does make you think though of our loved ones who have no or little memory and how frightening it must be for them. At least for us logic takes over but for them they can't think like that.

 

[loveahug]

The only way I used to be able to locate my small black car from the hundreds of other was to have 2 bands of flourescent tape around the end of the car aerial. Still took some time, but I didn't waste a lot of energy walking all over the place, Now I have a small grey car instead, but for some reason don't lose it so often

 

[1954]

Where are my keys? Where are my glasses? I can't find my keys until I can find my glasses ..... they'll be in my bag ... where is my bag? I can't find my bag until I can find my glasses .........

Oh Butter

That is so so funny. I have just laughed so much

So true, so true

The other morning I got up and forgot to put my glasses on. I thought it was 8am so I text a friend (don't know how as I can hardly see without my glasses). She answered immediately. I had got hubby and myself a hot drink and woke him up and then put my glasses on and realised I had text her at 5.30 am!!! Hubby was not too pleased either x