Where to begin.
15 Months ago the decision was made that my nan could no longer live alone. She wanted to live with my aunt, but she refused and said she would be going into a care home. My mum couldn't go along with this and arranged for my nan to move in with us. Nana didn't want to be alone, or go in a home, so agreed.
It's been 15 months of hell if I'm honest and it's reached the point where we have had to place her in a nursing home. She has deteriorated and her mobility is not good. She has mood swings, has become violent when unable to get her own way.
My aunt, who wouldn't have her in her home, cut off all contact 5 months ago. Refused to answer our calls or when my nana called to speak with her. This has been very distressing for my nan as my aunt was her favourite.
Last month we hit breaking point and placed her in rest-bite care, with the view to make it permanent. At the weekend, with the agreement of my mum's brother, we arranged permanent care and told my nan. Obviously she was upset, but goes through periods of understanding and agreement.
No power of attorney has ever been established. My mum is named as an additional/joint account holder for my nans finances. My nan has 3 children, 2 children (including my mum) agree on the home we have selected etc and my uncle agrees my mum is taking care of her best interests. My aunt however, upon finding out what we have decided (remember she would not take our calls, we finally got her to pick up at the weekend) has decided that she does not want my nan in the care home we have selected (she has no understanding of the stage my nan is at and will not discuss it with us) and wants to start the process of moving her back to her location, 1 hour away and place her in a home.
My question is, can she do this? My nan has started to settle, she gets visited twice daily, we take her out and can even take our dogs to see her (she loves them) and now my aunt wants to remove her and place her in a home where there will not be daily visits, weekly if my nan is lucky and we really feel this is wrong. Why take her away from the people that have cared for her?
Yes, as horrible as it is to say, she has put us through hell, that why my aunt refused to have her in her house or give up her life to spend time visiting her in the first place, but she is my mums mother and we love her and want what's best for her. It seems to me that my aunt isn't willing to consider any of this and refuses to discuss it when we try.
The care home (bless them having to deal with all this) have advised that nothing will be done without my mums permission and will not disclose any details to my aunt. However, because my nan loves my aunt, if she were to go to the care home and tell her she was taking her back to where she came from, but placing her in a home, my nan would go ahead with it, because she won't understand the consequences of it. Just that she will be near her favourite daughter. The care home have said that my nan is not capable of making decisions herself.
My mum is in tears and panicking over this. My fear is that it might turn into a legal battle. She is my nanas next of kin and in charge of her finances.
Any help or advice is much appreciated.
Ps, I posted in two areas because I wasn't sure where was best
15 Months ago the decision was made that my nan could no longer live alone. She wanted to live with my aunt, but she refused and said she would be going into a care home. My mum couldn't go along with this and arranged for my nan to move in with us. Nana didn't want to be alone, or go in a home, so agreed.
It's been 15 months of hell if I'm honest and it's reached the point where we have had to place her in a nursing home. She has deteriorated and her mobility is not good. She has mood swings, has become violent when unable to get her own way.
My aunt, who wouldn't have her in her home, cut off all contact 5 months ago. Refused to answer our calls or when my nana called to speak with her. This has been very distressing for my nan as my aunt was her favourite.
Last month we hit breaking point and placed her in rest-bite care, with the view to make it permanent. At the weekend, with the agreement of my mum's brother, we arranged permanent care and told my nan. Obviously she was upset, but goes through periods of understanding and agreement.
No power of attorney has ever been established. My mum is named as an additional/joint account holder for my nans finances. My nan has 3 children, 2 children (including my mum) agree on the home we have selected etc and my uncle agrees my mum is taking care of her best interests. My aunt however, upon finding out what we have decided (remember she would not take our calls, we finally got her to pick up at the weekend) has decided that she does not want my nan in the care home we have selected (she has no understanding of the stage my nan is at and will not discuss it with us) and wants to start the process of moving her back to her location, 1 hour away and place her in a home.
My question is, can she do this? My nan has started to settle, she gets visited twice daily, we take her out and can even take our dogs to see her (she loves them) and now my aunt wants to remove her and place her in a home where there will not be daily visits, weekly if my nan is lucky and we really feel this is wrong. Why take her away from the people that have cared for her?
Yes, as horrible as it is to say, she has put us through hell, that why my aunt refused to have her in her house or give up her life to spend time visiting her in the first place, but she is my mums mother and we love her and want what's best for her. It seems to me that my aunt isn't willing to consider any of this and refuses to discuss it when we try.
The care home (bless them having to deal with all this) have advised that nothing will be done without my mums permission and will not disclose any details to my aunt. However, because my nan loves my aunt, if she were to go to the care home and tell her she was taking her back to where she came from, but placing her in a home, my nan would go ahead with it, because she won't understand the consequences of it. Just that she will be near her favourite daughter. The care home have said that my nan is not capable of making decisions herself.
My mum is in tears and panicking over this. My fear is that it might turn into a legal battle. She is my nanas next of kin and in charge of her finances.
Any help or advice is much appreciated.
Ps, I posted in two areas because I wasn't sure where was best