My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia just over 3 years ago, but had been showing signs for some time before. He goes down in stages with quite long gaps in between. Just as I adjust to another stage it changes again. He is becoming very anti social now and only wants to go out with me, where as I need to be with my understanding friends. We have to have things to do, but he never seems to enjoy them unless it involves food. O the repeated questions, over and over and over, and if my voice changes after about the sixth time he gets very annoyed with me. He is getting super critical and makes me feel so low. Sorry about the moan, but it seems to be never ending. I tried to have someone come in say once a fortnight but he threw a paddy and that has been shelved.
6 years of vascular dementia. So tired
- Thread starter Kremlin
- Start date
Don't apologise for moaning, its all I have done on here recently. Its so difficult but you do need to see your friends and maintain some life for you. No advice but lots of empathy and a hug
Hi Kremlin,
I miss my friends, too.
My husband is not as anti social as yours, but actually I do not have friends here in the country where we have been living since we retired.
I keep in touch with them on the phone or by the internet, but it is not enough.
Talking with him is difficult.
He often misunderstands what I mean and gets angry if my opinion is different (or he thinks it is) from his
I miss my friends, too.
My husband is not as anti social as yours, but actually I do not have friends here in the country where we have been living since we retired.
I keep in touch with them on the phone or by the internet, but it is not enough.
Talking with him is difficult.
He often misunderstands what I mean and gets angry if my opinion is different (or he thinks it is) from his
Kremlin, I totally understand how you feel. My wife has vascular dementia and the repetitive questions over a long period of time are irksome. She is also become aggressive which has not happened before. Friends here have vanished. It seems dementia keeps them away as they do not understand.
Please keep hold of any social life that you can get. For me, a short time gardening or w ashing the car are refreshing breaks, but at any moment I can be called back inside. Getting ready to go out is another problem. We have to have the car in a garage by 08.00hr today for some work. So I have to get her up at 06.00hr to prepare for a 10min journey.
Not of great help to you I know. But at least you know others face similar problems.
With food here it is the opposite problem. I struggle to find what she will eat and try every new idea I can come across.
Best wishes to you,
Clunchman
Please keep hold of any social life that you can get. For me, a short time gardening or w ashing the car are refreshing breaks, but at any moment I can be called back inside. Getting ready to go out is another problem. We have to have the car in a garage by 08.00hr today for some work. So I have to get her up at 06.00hr to prepare for a 10min journey.
Not of great help to you I know. But at least you know others face similar problems.
With food here it is the opposite problem. I struggle to find what she will eat and try every new idea I can come across.
Best wishes to you,
Clunchman
Hello Clunchman. Having been in your situation I absolutely understand the lack of visitors and the isolation because it is difficult to go out and when you do it can be such hard work that it is easier not to go.! On the subject of the garage it is worth asking if the car could be picked up and returned. Explain your situation. If you don't ask you don't get as the saying goes. Many people will try to help if they know there is a problem. Or tell them how difficult it is to get there so early. Maybe they will say get it here when you can. Good luck.x
It's amazing how many scenarios that used to be taken for granted are now difficult or impossible?
I no longer take my wife (PWD) when the car needs to go in to the dealership. Even if they have arranged a courtesy car, we have to sit and wait in the lounge area, where I find it highly embarrassing when my wife starts talking to whoever is on screen on the flat-screen TV. Or greets the receptionist like she was a long-lost relative - kisses and all!!!
Similar in the doctors surgery - joining in conversations other folk are having - even it they can't understand what's she saying
How I yearn for the old "normal" and not having to plan every damn thing
I no longer take my wife (PWD) when the car needs to go in to the dealership. Even if they have arranged a courtesy car, we have to sit and wait in the lounge area, where I find it highly embarrassing when my wife starts talking to whoever is on screen on the flat-screen TV. Or greets the receptionist like she was a long-lost relative - kisses and all!!!
Similar in the doctors surgery - joining in conversations other folk are having - even it they can't understand what's she saying
How I yearn for the old "normal" and not having to plan every damn thing
I certainly understand that Philbo, but I have no choice and have to take her with me. Each trip out can be an ordeal. Have to plan well ahead and allow a ridiculous amount of time, but if not we will be late.
Yes, the times before vascular dementia were far better and were fun, not now. Falls clinic have given her an appointment and a load of forms to fill in. No way she can do the forms, so down to me again.
I think Kremlin has hit the nail on the head with this post highlighting the problems that those who do not have to deal with dementia do not understand.
Yes, the times before vascular dementia were far better and were fun, not now. Falls clinic have given her an appointment and a load of forms to fill in. No way she can do the forms, so down to me again.
I think Kremlin has hit the nail on the head with this post highlighting the problems that those who do not have to deal with dementia do not understand.
Hi Kremlin, I'm new on here also. Your story sounds a lot like mine. My husband was diagnosed 2.5 yrs ago,Alz/Vascular dem.,but I was aware of the illness at least 4yrs prior. Most of the time,when there's just the 2 of us he's manageable, he does have a 'paddy' now & then & usually throws whatever is in his hands at me. Luckily, not been hurt yet. He too is getting to dislike company.We only have family visiting, friends either dead now or 'disappeared'. He just sits,says nothing & it's usually when they've gone, he has his 'paddy' (releasing frustration, I know) My family do try bring him into the conversation but it's hard work . We walk every day, I natter away making small talk but it's getting harder, knowing he's no idea who or what I'm talking about. So sad for both of us. I hold onto the fact that eventually, when he's further down the line with this dreaded disease I may be able to get him into Day care a couple of times a week and hopefully get a bit of my life back. On the odd occasion I manage to meet up with my friend & have a good chin wag & shop, I feel like my old self again. I'm careful not to talk about my husband & the situation at home- don't want to scare her off. Does me good to close my mind to it, also. So, sorry you are feeling so down, let off steam here as often as you like, it helps to get it out of the system. Lovely people on here. Keep your chin up, best wishes
