42nd day in hospital, now swollen feet and ankles...?

[piedwarbler]

Dear Loo

I am more worried about you than I am about Henry today. I can see that Henry is okay, whereas you are in a tizz of worry and concern. I hope you won't be offended if I say that. You are both equally important and your health matters as much as Henry's. Please look after yourself. I know it hurts so much, and the pain is more yours at times than it is Henry's. Try to banish the guilt monster. You are a wonderful warm and caring person. I'm sending more warm hugs to try and uphold your spirit. All will be well. xxxx

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Nan

Dear Loo,

Your post has me in tears here. We both want so very much what is best for our dear husbands, want them not to be unhappy, even if that means fog and forgetfulness on their part. But it is so heart-breaking as well, isn't it.

Mary's and Sylvia's posts sound very upbeat compared to mine. I am so sorry.

Still thinking of you and sending love,
Nan XXX

The position you find yourself in just now is making you feel very raw and vulnerable.
I do understand because it`s a position you really do not want to be in and it is heartbreaking for you.
It isn`t helped by the falls, bruising and infection Brian has suffered in the short time he`s been in residential care. Whether this is the result of poor care or just bad luck remains to be seen.

I really am so sorry you and Brian are suffering so much. In your shoes Nan I know I would feel the same.

Love xx

 

[Loopiloo]

Yes, Sylvia, it was a good visit yesteray and it does help. Both of us. But this morning I awoke to the Black Dog, as Churchill called it, and all it brings with it. Hopefully is will pass as the day progresses.

I realize I am not the only one going through this, or who has been through it. This b****y disease turns all our lives upside down.

Yet again, I say the only people who truly understand dementia are those here on TP. I was in a bad place when I found it and have had so much support, help advice, as well as learning a tremendous amount from the experiences of others. As for the last three months, I simply do not know how I would have managed through it without all of you. Thanks is a small word to say in return, but I say it with the deepest sincerity.

With love
Loo xx

 

[Loopiloo]

Thanks for your prayers, Mary. I just wish coming to the acknowlegement that the decision was right would stop this emotional swinging back and forth.

Yes, perhaps you are right. Henry was never one to talk about his problems, he would quietly think things through in his mind before coming to a conclusion and then voicing it. I do feel a lot of the personality remains despite so much that disappears with dementia. As you say, unable to communicate. His speech is certainly becoming very poor, the first few words are clear and then becoming jumbled, he can't find the words, then gives up, mumbles "It doesn't matter, forget it".

Love
Loo xx

 

[Loopiloo]

Don't apologize, Nan. I appreciate the encouraging words of Sylvia, Mary and others, and also empathise with your feelings, as do others here. You have had a worse time than me during the years prior to Brian going into care. Then the problems that followed, on top of your grieving.

We are all reluctantly walking the same road, some at the same place on the road, others further ahead or behind us. Even if different scenarios affecting our respective situations. I doubt if any walk this dreadful road without the heart breaking feelings and emotions.

Thoughts and love

Loo xx

 

[Loopiloo]

Thanks Pied, you are a dear girl and often in my thoughts, and I appreciate the warm hugs. I hope your Mum's appointment is not too traumatic. For both her and yourself, you must take care of you too.

You are anything but a useles lump (as you said on your thread), how you are coping with feeling rotten, tired, the kitchen problems and your Mum is amazing, but must be very stressful. Yet you retain your sense of humour.

I think I'm winning with the guilt monster, and perhaps for the first time over the years I am grieving for what dementia has stollen. Difficult to explain but I bottled up much of the emotional impact of the losses as they happened in order to cope. Afraid to dwell too much for too long incase I lost the plot which would not have helped either of us.

My own health has taken a back seat for a long time now, just hoped I'd be alright. But one problem is rearing its ugly head again, and hoping it will settle down, as it can.

It always worried me that if I became ill what would happen to Henry. Always feared any "crisis situation" that arose would be due to me. But it was Henry it happened to, and so suddenly changed everything. At least he is now in a safe place in hospital, and then eventually a care home, so that is one worry removed. Even although other different ones take over.

But still in a muddled frame of mind and emotion at times. I suppose that is to be expected and we just have to move through it in our own way. Can only take one day at a time, no one knows what lies ahead. As you said elsewhere, a good job we don't have crystal balls. Life likes to surprises us!

Thanks for writing. Thinking of you Pied. As I said, you take care too and hope you feel a wee bit better than yesterday.

Love
Loo xx

 

[Loopiloo]

Social Worker visit today

I am putting the SW visit this morning on another Thread "Henry Update - Social Worker visit today." The Thread "42nd day in hospital... " subject is outdated as it is now the 96th day! 3months and 3 days.

Also putting the "Henry Update... " Thread in the Tea Room for privacy. Recently saw one of my posts come up in Google.

Love
Loo xx

 

[Izzy]

I am putting the SW visit this morning on another Thread "Henry Update - Social Worker vist today." The Thread "42nd day in hospital... " subject is outdated as it is now the 96th day! 3months and 3 days.

Also putting the "Henry Update... " Thread in the Tea Room for privacy. Recently saw one of my posts come up in Google.

Love
Loo xx

I feel this way too re tea room. Will catch up with your new thread soon. x