Hello TP friends,
As so many of you have shared, it is the sadness of a celebration that never happens. Today is my 30th wedding anniversary. No one remembers it, only me. Of course, it is not a date my kids remember, most people do not remember the dates of other people's weddings so it is no surprise.
It will be a day like all the other days, of duty and remembering my promises. I occasionally feel something like love for this person I live with, not sure what I feel anymore. Mostly numb when it comes to him.
I have spent more than 50% of this marriage living with Alzheimer's, and slowly being robbed of my partner in life to become this vacant shell of the man I married. I am doing what has to be done, sustaining a balance to stretch the finances to cover this long long long goodbye.
Tomorrow, I am scheduled to go look at the carehome which sits on the village park, just a couple of streets away from our home. We cannot afford for him to go into care as yet. (he is extremely healthy and fit physically) He is now going to be 68 next month, he was 49 when we figured out something was wrong. The carehome wants all his details so they are prepared for when I am finally ready, or in case of any emergency where he must come in. It is very selfish, I am not ready because I do not wish to live in poverty. The cost of his care here (room and board minimum 91,000 CHF per year , nursing care on top of that) would break me in a matter of a few years.... I m also considering bringing a carer from the EU in to live with us, it is slightly cheaper than him going into a care home. But it would mean I would have someone in my house all the time. Not sure how I feel about that. But I am still managing. Although, sometimes at the end of the day I am too tired of life to even put him in his pjs. Recently, he has slept in clothes a few nights, because I could not get the energy to put him to bed properly.
So, I keep trying to stay positive and being prepared for the next steps and inevitability.
As so many of you have shared, it is the sadness of a celebration that never happens. Today is my 30th wedding anniversary. No one remembers it, only me. Of course, it is not a date my kids remember, most people do not remember the dates of other people's weddings so it is no surprise.
It will be a day like all the other days, of duty and remembering my promises. I occasionally feel something like love for this person I live with, not sure what I feel anymore. Mostly numb when it comes to him.
I have spent more than 50% of this marriage living with Alzheimer's, and slowly being robbed of my partner in life to become this vacant shell of the man I married. I am doing what has to be done, sustaining a balance to stretch the finances to cover this long long long goodbye.
Tomorrow, I am scheduled to go look at the carehome which sits on the village park, just a couple of streets away from our home. We cannot afford for him to go into care as yet. (he is extremely healthy and fit physically) He is now going to be 68 next month, he was 49 when we figured out something was wrong. The carehome wants all his details so they are prepared for when I am finally ready, or in case of any emergency where he must come in. It is very selfish, I am not ready because I do not wish to live in poverty. The cost of his care here (room and board minimum 91,000 CHF per year , nursing care on top of that) would break me in a matter of a few years.... I m also considering bringing a carer from the EU in to live with us, it is slightly cheaper than him going into a care home. But it would mean I would have someone in my house all the time. Not sure how I feel about that. But I am still managing. Although, sometimes at the end of the day I am too tired of life to even put him in his pjs. Recently, he has slept in clothes a few nights, because I could not get the energy to put him to bed properly.
So, I keep trying to stay positive and being prepared for the next steps and inevitability.
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